Persona Profile: J'kellar

Writer: Duskdog

Name: J'kellar
Pronunciation: Jeh-KELL-ar
Age: 20
Birthday: m3 d4
Rank: Wingrider, Azure Wing
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr

Physical Description of Persona:
J’kellar is fairly tall, at 6’, with a leanly-muscled physique that reflects his athleticism, love of activity, and, if we’re being perfectly honest, his vanity. He has a diamond-shaped face, longer than it is wide/, with a narrow chin, solid jaw, straight nose, and somewhat pronounced cheekbones. He has the fair skin that the stereotypes would lead you to expect of someone with hair as red as his, but only sparse freckling, mostly relegated to his arms, and brown eyes rather than green. He keeps his hair fairly short, and his face clean-shaven -- partially because he prefers it that way, and partially because his facial hair comes in thin and scraggly, and that’s not a look he’s interested in sharing with the world.

Emotional Description of Persona:
J’kellar had a very physical, rough-and-tumble childhood where standards were high and competition was emphasized, and he developed into someone capable of rising to the occasion. As the youngest of three boys, he was always playing catch-up with his brothers, and learned that if he wanted to compete, he’d have to work twice as hard, and if he wanted to excel, to stand out, he’d have to push himself even beyond that, and never, ever give up. So it’s no surprise that, while he can be fluid and adaptable in the moment, he also sometimes has a tendency to dig his heels in, and can be too stubborn to give up a course of action even when it’s obviously not the right one. He is extremely competitive, and /ambitious/ -- it’s not that he feels he has something to prove, exactly, as he’s self-confident, too, but rather that he considers it a mark of weakness to just /settle/ if you’re capable of something more, something greater. Second place, to him, is just the first among losers. He is proud, vain, temperamental, and doesn’t forget or forgive easily.

Needless to say, he can be /intense/… but underneath that intensity is a restless young man who just needs some solid direction for his drive. When he’s relaxed, he has a well-developed -- if a tad sharp -- sense of humor, and he’s actually more of a social creature than an angry, lonely brooder. He prefers having a tight-knit group of friends, but has no fear or hang-ups when it comes to interacting with others or meeting new people. Once he’s mastered something, he enjoys sharing what he knows, and is surprisingly patient with those whom he does not view as direct competition, whether it be due to age or lack of (current) skill. He genuinely enjoys seeing others succeed, particularly after he’s seen them put in hard work -- it’s just easier for him to appreciate when he’s not also wrapped up in his own feelings about losing to them.

He’s a little more volatile than usual right now, because Impressing Rokolth was both the highest, and lowest, point in his life. On the one hand, he wouldn’t trade his dragon for anything. But on the other, he’s taken a massive blow to his pride, and his very sense of self. Impressing a “mere blue”, along with all the baggage of assumptions about his sexuality that this carries, cost him his family and left him forever the “loser” in their eyes. He’s also locked into a position forever, with very little room to advance, when he’s only just starting his life -- something that’s hard for an ambitious lad, driven to achieve, to accept. He’s coping well with his new reality in some ways, but less so in others.

History of Persona:
Jeskellar was born on his family’s cothold, the fourth child of five, and youngest of Jeskin’s three sons. It was a good childhood, as far as he’s concerned: their farm was fairly prosperous, everyone worked their fair share, and though their father was strict, he never felt unloved or alienated in any way. Like many holdfolk, Jeskin had particular ideas about gender roles, and what was proper masculine and feminine behavior, and he expected his sons to behave as he felt sons should: that is, to compete with each other, to roughhouse, to work hard and obey their father and proper authority figures, but to step up and be leaders among their peers and to treat “proper” women with a firm but protective hand.

If Jeskellar had any difficulties at all in his childhood, they were simply from his place in the birth order. /Minor/ inconveniences, but things that left an impression on him during his development, just the same. As the youngest boy, he was at a size and strength disadvantage, so he strove harder to be viewed as an equal in a home where winning was an important part of being viewed as masculine. And, as a third son, his ambition didn’t have an easy outlet: Jesamon would someday inherit, Larkin was likely going to have an important position within the hold supporting his brother, and Jeskellar, well… there wasn’t much place left for him. Or at least no place that satisfied his need to forge his own path and make his own name, without being subservient to his older brothers forever. If he had it to do over again, he might have buckled down and pursued a craft even though none really resonated with him -- at least he would have had the chance to make a mark in the world -- but that ship had already sailed, and he was restlessly seeking another way forward for himself when a neat solution arrived in the form of a Searchrider.

It was the first time in his life that Jeskellar had been singled out for anything special -- just /him/ -- and the first time his family had ever been so proud of him. Of /course/ he jumped at the opportunity, visions of bronze dancing in his head. Threadfighting, danger, gore, hard work? He had no doubts about being able to handle that, and felt that he was a natural choice for a strong, masculine bronze who wanted to grow into a leader the Weyr could count on.

Instead, he Impressed a strong, masculine /blue/, and his world turned upside-down. He didn’t have the words to adequately describe how perfect Rokolth was, how he completed him as a person, how proud he was to be his rider -- not to his father and brothers, anyway, who could only see the color of Rokolth’s hide and what they thought that meant about J’kellar’s preferences, and therefore his worth as a man. The fact that there was a /girl/ on a blue as well -- equal, now, to J’kellar, which said everything, in their minds -- was just the icing on the cake. Disgusted and disappointed, they turned their backs on him.

Wallowing in despair isn’t really his style, though. It’s been difficult, but he’s dealt with his feelings by throwing himself into his training… and, occasionally, clashing with his peers.

Family and Friends
Jeskin, 44, Cotholder (Father)
Amellara, 42, Cotholder's wife (Mother)
Jesamon, 24, Holdfolk (Brother)
Larkin, 22, Holdfolk (Brother)
Kinella, 21, Holdfolk (Sister)
Amina, 17, Holdfolk (Sister)

Dragon's Name: Rokolth
Dragon's Age: 2
Dragon's Colour: Blue
Description of Dragon:
Rokolth has grown into a thickly muscular dragon, large for his color but a bit short of limb, with a slightly blunted muzzle that might be described as “cute” on a dragon who wasn’t built the way he is. Despite his competitive nature, he doesn’t typically use his size to loom over smaller dragons, or puff himself up to bigger ones; rather, he tends to hunker down like the big solid rock that he is (or, if you’re feeling more charitable, like a fat, fluffy little bird poofing itself up against the cold). His hide is a deep midnight-blue with absolutely no marking or variation throughout -- perfect, in J’kellar’s eyes.

And he’s just as competitive and driven as his rider. This is a dragon who loves to /work/, though he doesn’t actually care about the specifics of what he’s doing -- he just likes to /do/ things, and will throw himself into whatever his rider says he needs to do, and throw himself in with /gusto/. He’s not a deep thinker or a strategic mind, but is more than capable of taking instruction and learning, and is more than pleased to do so. (Deep down, he also has a desire to please, but only those whose opinions he actually values.) He is very physical, and loves to test himself against his peers -- an attitude encouraged by his rider’s mindset, which has shaped young Rokolth’s own intense physicality and desire to please into a keen desire to compete. He is also very physical with his rider, always nudging or bumping him, pressing close, curling his tail around him, etc. and he’s had to learn to be more gentle with his affections as he’s grown into a much larger beast, capable of doing harm accidentally.

Approved: February 13th 2024
Last updated: June 2nd 2024

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Persona Profile: J'kellar