There's Still A Life Left to Live

Writers: Avery, Devin
Date Posted: 29th April 2025

Characters: Kapera, N'vanik, Talryne, K'ran
Description: After Kapera wakes up, Talryne and N'vanik pay her a visit.
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 2, day 9 of Turn 12

Kapera

N'vanik

Talryne

K'ran

K'ran had passed the message on to Dolphin Cove that whenever N'vanik and Talryne wanted to come see Kapera, she'd be happy to see them. He'd also let the Healers know that it would be fine for this to happen. So when Rogueth heard Loseth arrive in the air, Rogueth directed them to land right in front of the Infirmary and he stuck his head out to greet them.

“I wish I was seeing you both under better circumstances," he said as he greeted the pair. His hair was ruffled and he looked completely exhausted.

"Me, too." N'vanik's heart was in his throat.

Talryne gripped his arm, almost hard enough to hurt. "She's awake? She knows . . . what happened?"

K'ran nodded. "J'nus has convinced her to stay at least through the attacker's punishment."

Shards, poor J'nus. He'd been so distraught when Talryne spoke to him earlier. "Can I talk to her?" she asked. She didn't want to face the same hollow, haunted eyes she'd seen in the mirror Turns ago, but she also wanted to help. _Needed_ to help.

"She said she'd see you both. I get the feeling there isn't a lot of people she's willing to see right now, which is understandable. But you're exceptions."

K'ran led them through the Infirmary towards a quiet room in the back with a guard outside it. The guard jumped to his feet and stepped aside as K'ran tilted his head and said, "Go on in."

The room was windowless but well-lit by hanging glowbaskets as well as an electric light. Kapera was wrapped in the white blankets the Healers favored to ensure any signs of body fluids could be detected, but they made her skin appear pale and her black hair stand out stark. A table by her bed had a cup of drink and a book on it. Sitting in her lap was a different book.

Talryne's stomach twisted at the sight of her, but she walked in and gave her friend a tentative smile. "Hi."

N'vank gently closed the door behind him and lingered near it, giving the two of them space. He sharply remembered how Tal had wrapped herself in blankets all the time in those early days, seeking any kind of warmth she could find.

"I know it's early...thanks for coming out." Kapera's voice was raspy and shaking, nowhere near the confident tone she used to have.

Talryne wasn't sure what to say. She could hardly ask how Kapera was doing. Instead she walked up to the bed and put a hand on her arm. "Whatever you're feeling, it's okay. I know what it's like. I _know_." She swallowed.

Kapera's arm was cold, somehow, despite all the blankets. "I feel empty. Everythin's muffled, like being underwater."

Talryne nodded, the dark void inside her opening wide. "Part of you will always be empty and alone. But it will get better. At least, it did for me." She squeezed Kapera's arm.

Kapera's hand closed on the blanket. "Someone _did_ this to me. He stabbed me. He knocked me out. If he hadn't, then...I have to make him pay. I have to see it, first."

"He'll pay," N'vanik growled, fists clenched at his sides. "If D'hol doesn't take care of him, _I_ will."

"J'nus tried to murder him already and now he's under guard, so you'd be I think third in line," she said with a bit of a smile. "Fourth if I try."

"Why did he . . ." N'vanik cut himself off and shook his head.

"They had to explain to me what happened. I don't really remember it. The healers tell me that isn't uncommon with a head wound." She gestured up at her head. There was a wrapped bandage around part of it, where the fall to the ground had hurt her.

"I guess the man was waiting in our weyr. He stabbed me, knocked me out. Riyanth..." she trailed off, continued. "J'nus came in, thought I was gone, so he went berserk."

**And didn't finish the job,** N'vanik thought darkly. "You don't know this man at all? Could it be connected to the anti-Weyr stuff?" Maybe it had spread outside Emerald Falls territory. Maybe it had already been here.

"Later," Talryne told him gently. She turned back to Kapera. "We're here for you, and so is J'nus. He loves you so much."

“I don’t know anything right now. Just that it’s so… quiet. It feels hard to think.”

it was an understatement, really. She felt like a giant raw exposed nerve. Aching and agonized. The pain was an undertow constantly threatening to pull her away. The fact she had visitors to focus on was good. She twisted her hands together in the bedding, plucking at loose threads.

“If he hadn’t been here when I woke up I don’t think I would have stayed.”

It hurt to hear because Kapera was her friend and Talryne didn't want to lose her. It sounded like she might be even more fragile than Talryne herself had been back then. "I'm glad you're still here. That I get to talk to you." She squeezed Kapera's arm again. "I know it's hard to be here without her. To have so much silence in your head it feels like it's too loud. When everything inside you is scraped raw and it feels like you'll never be warm again." Talryne swallowed. "But Kapera, if you want to stay, if you want to _try_, there's still a life left to live."

Talryne had been a greenrider. Fighter of Thread. An important role in the wings, but one of many. Not that it wasn't important, just... Kapera had been a goldrider. Far fewer of them on Pern and all notable - especially Weyrwoman. Being a dragonrider had defined them both by giving them lifemates who were their other halves. But her dragon's hide color had defined everything about her, elevating her from a marriage bauble to an Important Person. And now...she wasn't. Could never be.

Kapera stopped picking at the bedding and reached for Talryne's hand on her arm. "How do you figure out who to be when you'd defined yourself as a rider?"

Shards, wasn't that a question? "You take your time, and you find the pieces still left of you," Talryne said. "I found a box of knitting and remembered I'd been good at it, and now I'm a weaver."

Kapera had boxed up everything about who she was before on purpose, being angry to have holdgirl skills and refusing to want to use them. She wasn’t sure how much any of her Weyrwoman and dragonrider knowledge would be something she would want to know or use now she had none. Maybe she wasn’t good at anything. Maybe she was nothing.

“And you can help me try?”

Talryne squeezed her hand. "Yes," she said with feeling. "Whatever else you are now Kapera, you're still my friend."

"Thank you for saying that, and for coming." She turned to look over at N'vanik, who'd been so quiet. "And for you coming, too."

"You're my friend, too, Kapera," he said in a rough voice. "I'd like it if you stuck around."

"Come here for a hug," she requested.

That got a surprised, warm smile out of him. N'vanik went over to the bed and put his arms around her. Talryne hugged both of them. "We're here for you," N'vanik said.

"You're not alone," Talryne said. "I made it through this, and you can, too. I know you can."

Kapera felt floaty, unbalanced, off-center within herself. She'd heard responsibility described before as clothes so tight they strangled the breath out of you, and had a panic attack before where her chest and breathing was too tight. But this felt the opposite, like not just wearing clothes that were too baggy, but almost like she was not quite anchored in her body because there was less of _her_ than there should be in order to fill her skin up.

Would she really be able to make it through this?

They said she wasn't alone, and they were here in this room with her. She could see them. Hugging them. She sank into the hug, trying to focus on that feeling - their hands and arms touching her, grounding her inside her own body. Helping her re-expand into that space. She didn't know how long it was before she realized she'd gone almost totally limp onto Talryne's shoulder and soaked through her shirt with tears.

"Sorry, I..."

"Don't be sorry." Talryne kept stroking her hair, her own face wet with tears. "It's better to let it out." It was awful to know that Kapera was walking the same terrible path she'd walked Turns ago, but there was a strange kind of calm strength in knowing the way. Talryne could help guide her through the worst of the darkness.

N'vanik rubbed gently at Kapera's back, his gaze lingering on Talryne. His heart was twisted with pain yet filled with love for her. She was so strong.

After a few more minutes Kapera blinked and shifted again. Purging out the tears left her feeling wrung out bodily like in her head, so tired. But this time it felt lighter than it did before. She’d been heard and grasped and…sympathized with from understanding from having been there, not just pity and revulsion from imagining it.

“I know I have J’nus. And you both. I don’t think I can do this without you dropping in when you can. Regardless of timezone. It’s not like schedules matter to me.”

"We'll come as often as we can," N'vanik promised. For a brief, wild moment, he considered giving up his knots. But he couldn't do that to Dolphin Cove, or Cyradis. Or himself. He would just have to find time around his duties.

Talryne knew she had more time than N'vanik and wondered if she'd be able to handle riding a dragon other than Loseth. No, she _had_ to manage it. For Kapera. "We'll do everything we can for you."

Kapera didn't feel like she deserved the loyalty and friendship, but...she appreciated it, certainly. "You might regret saying that. But...thank you."

Last updated on the May 1st 2025

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There's Still A Life Left to Live