What Were You Thinking??

Writers: Devin, Len, Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 11th March 2015

Characters: N'vanik, J'ackt, Sh'del, Cyradis
Description: The Weyrleader, Weyrwoman and Weyrlingmaster have their say
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 1 of Turn 7
Notes: Notes: Occurs right after "Unchained Rage"
Mentioned: Saidrene, Pierka, Corowal

N'vanik

J'ackt

Cyradis

N'vanik had J'ackt sit on his desk so the healer could do his work.
The healer instructed J'ackt to remove his shirt and started cleaning
the wound.

"What in Faranth's name were you thinking?" The Weyrleader asked, arms
crossed as he paced the room. "Explain yourself, in detail. And this
had better be good." He was already running through ways to do damage
control. At least the dimglow had waited until he had dragon to pull a
stunt like this.

J'ackt held still, his jaw taut as the healer swabbed at the still
bleeding wound, but his eyes followed N'vanik even as Cyradis and
Sh'del settled in their positions. He was half a mind to ask at which
point in the conflict did N'vanik mean, but was able to bite back the
sarcastic response. N'vanik was one of the few people at the Weyr that
J'ackt both respected and liked. "I was just practicing like I always
do." He stiffened as the healer dabbed at the deeper area of the cut
around his stomach, but made little complaint besides a flinch around
his mouth. "That...wher's ass of a guard came up and started in on me,
saying I hurt women and I was a coward. I tried ignoring it, but he
kept going and then challenged me. It was just with the wooden swords,
so I figured I might as well shut him up." He glanced at Cyradis and
then Sh'del.

As the healer spread numbweed on the injury, J'ackt let out a slow
breath, his stiffness relenting slightly at the easing of the pain. He
didn't look as a needle was threaded, only making a slight grimace. "I
don't know who trains the guards at Falls, but he wasn't really any
good. Barely got a strike in. I disarmed him and he drew steel."
J'ackt hissed at a tug on his skin. "Then..." His eyes
narrowed..."happened real fast. He called my mother a whore. Saidrene
got between us and he had his
knife and I remembered my Mam..." His went still at the mention of her
and spoke stiffly. "I don't really know what happened after that until
D'hol punched me. Just saw red."

Cyradis paced fuming near the door with Sh'del's tunic clutched around
her. But she knew this was N'vanik's problem and left him to deal with
it. But that didn't help her peace of mind. She was the one that would
have to deal with outraged holders.

}:You may not kill Zith's,:{ Panitath's voice soothed in her head.
}:Trust Loseth's:{

**I do,** she said shortly and accepted the soothing emotions from her
lifemate. She took a seat and attempted to calm down though her bare
feet still bounced up and down showing her state.

Cyradis' body language mirrored the way that Sh'del felt. Why had this
happened? He had the hunch that N'vanik knew a lot about the boy's
past--and had kept it secret from the guy who was supposed to be one
of his best friends and the one he put in charge of the Weyr's
younglings--but why had N'vanik let him stand in the first place? It
was screaming obvious that the boy was damaged. Had he been trusted to
know about J'ackt then maybe--just sharding maybe--he could have been
allowed to help the kid instead of butting heads with someone who
seemed to think he was above everyone.

What a mess. What a sharding mess.

N'vanik decided to go for the throat. "Does Zith mean so little to
you? You could've killed him."

The statement cut right to the quick, causing J'ackt to try to get up.
"Zith means everything to me and you know it!"

The healer shoved him back down just as quickly. "Hold still."

Surprisingly, J'ackt did, but his sore jaw worked from side to side.
He looked away from all three of them and swallowed hard.

"Then why did you put him at risk?" N'vanik asked, glaring at the young man.

Cyradis narrowed her eyes at the young rider. She realized he just
didn't 'get' it, or understand how closely he'd come to losing his
lifemate. Something had to be done to make him realize just how bad
this really was. It came to her that he hadn't had a regular
upbringing but wasn't certain exactly how much Sh'del knew of what
N'vanik had shared. This wasn't the place to open up that basket of
tunnel snakes so she could only lift a brow as an idea formed.

**Inform Loseth's that the Technician Riker is in need of a few
weyrlings and their dragonets to dig a trench from the windmill to the
technician's quarters.**

}:Loseth could do it quickly.:{

Cyradis smiled noticing that Panitath didn't volunteer herself. **I
know dearest but we must teach Zith's a lesson** A bit of hard labor
might give the young man a reason to think twice before fighting
again. It would serve to teach the other weyrlings too, by example.

"Actually," Sh'del said in a deceptively neutral tone, "Why did that
particular guard want to attack you? And why did you not simply put
your dragon's life first and walk away and let one of us deal with the
man? You realise you might have not only killed Zith but also Ashareth
had Saidrene been badly hurt in the fight." He said no more but let
that bit of information get into J'ackt's head.

"I wouldn't have let Saidrene get hurt." J'ack replied sharply, then
stared down at his hands. "I wasn't trying to put Zith at risk." His
jaw hurt as he worked it from side to side. "He said those things and
I just got angry. I wasn't thinking." He rubbed at his face with his
good hand and didn't look up at any of them. "Emerald Falls guards
don't like me too much." His answer to Sh'del was muttered.

Cyradis threw her hands in the air, "You're a sharding bronzerider!
You _have_ to think. It's your _job_ J'ackt."

Sh'del held up a hand to calm Cyradis down. "You know, just by doing
what you did, you_did_hurt both Zith and Saidrene. You're just damn
lucky it wasn't worse, for them. For the Weyr?" He shrugged his
shoulders and pointedly looked over to N'vanik.

To Panitath, Sh'del's brown said, }:Don't worry, mine has an idea to
scare some sense into this weyrling. He wants to take him to see some
of the worst of the Dragonless Riders.:{ He meant for her to pass the
information on the the Weyrwoman.

}:He says good idea,:{ Loseth told Panitath. }:After the wound heals.:{

N'vanik stepped close to J'ackt. "What's more important, your pride or
your dragon?" He wished he could be alone with the boy, but this had
been too big. Too public. Sh'del was upset enough about being shut out
before. And Cyradis deserved to be there, too.

Feeling surrounded, J'ackt squared his shoulders, but moving away from
the trio of riders was not an option until the Healer was done with
the stitching. His expression set into a stubborn hardness. "My dragon
is more important. But that guard wasn't going to stop or let up and I
knew it. They never do. What sort of man...or bronzerider, would I
have been or will be if I can't take care of myself?"

Sh'del sighed heavily. He could feel a massive headache coming on.
Turning his head away from the other two males in the room, he caught
Cyradis' eye and rolled his. No one but her saw his frustration.

"J'ackt," Cyradis stepped closer after at tiny smile at Sh'del. "We've
seen you with a sword." She looked up at N'vanik. "You're good enough
to defend yourself almost indefinitely. You didn't have to beat that
man to a pulp. A simple call to your lifemate would have alerted other
riders who would have come to help. You're part of a family now, don't
think you have to deal with it by yourself. You're not _alone_
anymore. Thats the part I don't think has sunk in yet."

"And you need to take care of Zith before you take care of yourself.
That means asking for help when you're in danger," N'vanik said,
grateful once again that Cyradis had turned out to be such a good
partner. "It's not cowardice or weakness, it's what a dragonrider
_has_ to do. Saidrene was there, Pierka was there. A dozen other
riders would have been at your side in a moment."

"I lost my temper." J'ackt admitted, but he didn't regret pummeling
the man. "And Pierka and Saidrene are _girls_. I didn't want them
hurt." He exhaled and as the healer finished the stitching, he was
able to shift his position to one less painful.

The healer straightened, looked at the hand and snorted. "That'll have
to be wrapped at the infirmary after you are all done with him. The
knuckles are most likely broken. And I'll give him some ointment for
his side as well." He finished wrapping the wound on J'ackt side.
"Keep it dry as much as you can and don't pull or scratch at them."
He inclined his head to the riders. "I want you in the infirmary the
moment you are finished here, do you understand?"

J'ackt nodded and murmured a quick thank you before facing the three
again. "I don't know what family is supposed to feel like." J'ackt
replied bitterly. "You keep saying that, but that makes me think of
being knocked around. "

"There's the family you were given by chance, and sometimes they're
horrible sharding bastards," N'vanik said. "And then there's the
family you choose, one made with love and trust." If J'ackt couldn't
make those bonds, if he couldn't see himself as part of a larger
whole, he'd be a liability in the air.

"J'ackt, the way I see it, you have two options," Sh'del said in a
quiet voice. "You can continue the way you've been taught, which looks
to be surly, argumentative, and destructive. I'm assuming this is the
way your father was, by the way you're talking now. Or you can change.
You can become the lifemate Zith needs, the bronzerider the Weyr
needs, and a happy human being, which it doesn't seem to me that you
are now. That guard out there, he was your past. You're standing at a
crossroads now, son, and you can either go back to that or you can
choose to just trust us. No one here, either in this room, or out
there in the entire Weyr, is rooting for you to fail. We all want you
to succeed. But in order to do so, you have_got_to shed this
destructive way of acting, you just have to. Otherwise, trust me on
this, you_will_do something, and that something will mean you end up a
dragonless man."

J'ackt wanted to protest that there were some that he'd trusted a bit
more than most, but he couldn't bring himself to entirely open up to
anyone except Zith. He didn't want the potential vulnerability; it was
dangerous. "I trust some people." Sort of. He trusted N'vanik and
Cyradis not to throw him to the wild whers...for the most part. He
wasn't certain that he believed in the idea of family that N'vanik
mentioned.

As Sh'del began speaking, J'ackt turned to stare at him. "My father
was a self-admitted bastard." J'ackt's voice was blunt and flat. "If I
argued with him, contradicted him, or spoke against what he wanted, I
got knocked around after my mam died. All he taught me was to fight
and steal and kill. That's what I know of family. So don't call me
'son'. I'm not your son. I had him, he's dead and I don't want another
father. And no, I don't trust you either. I think you want me to fail
because I'm not what you think I should be."

Cyradis held a hand out to forestall a retort from Sh'del.
"Son, is a term of affection in a _normal_ family J'ackt. So you need
to reel in your prickles and consider what we're saying. Your
experiences with your own family have formed you into a very difficult
person to deal with. So stop and think before you act. If you can't
then we'll have to find a way to make you. I promise you this;
Panitath will sit on Zith if that is what it takes to get your
attention."

"Now we're going to have to deal with a rather large problem you've
helped create for us today with Emerald Falls. Unless I miss my guess
we're going to have to punish you in a way that means something to
them." With her fists planted on her hips the tiny woman stood close
to him. "So you're going to be doing some hard labor. Zith will help
you when I let him but when the Lord Holder arrives to rip us a new
one, he'll see you toiling in the hot sun digging a nice long trench
for the technicians. While I had planned on letting Sh'del assign a
whole group to do it quickly, you're going to be doing it _by
yourself_ and if it delay's your graduation so be it." There was so
much more she wanted to say but at this point she figured they were
all tired of the subject, though not as tired as J'ackt was going to
be. If he couldn't get control of his temper, he would be worthless in
the wings anyway. But that was N'vanik and Sh'del's call. It was
certain that he wouldn't be liking life if he ended up in her wing.

J'ackt wisely kept his mouth shut while Cyradis spoke. He wanted
desperately to retort that there was no affection between he and
Sh'del and that Sh'del calling him "son" felt condescending. But at
that moment, he figured it was better for them all if he simply kept
his tongue behind his teeth. He stared at Cyradis stiffly. Digging a
trench with a ripped up side and busted knuckles was not going to be
pleasant, but shards, he didn't want to give her other ideas. He did
know one thing, however; they had his attention but if they thought he
would crawl when they said 'crawlie' they were mistaken. Instead, he
nodded slowly after Cyradis was finished.

N'vanik knew that look of barely contained anger and resentment. "Why
don't you go down to the infirmary and get those knuckles taken care
of. Then spend some time with Zith to let him know you're okay. And
after that, I want you to come talk to me." He wanted to get the boy
alone where they could both hopefully be more honest.
J'ackt nodded and rose from his seat. His shoulder's and posture
tight, he left after saying the minimum of polite farewells to the
others and headed to the infirmary...and to Zith.

Last updated on the May 9th 2015

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