How Could You

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 21st April 2014

Characters: K'lvin, Bahji
Description: K'lvin has his hands full with Bahji
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 6, day 11 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: E'rae, Reeva

The sedation had worked and Bahji had finally slept until the entire
unpleasant business was over. It was hours later that she woke slowly,
nestled in furs with the warmth of Burst at her neck. She blinked
blearily, the unfamiliar scents of the furs bringing her out of a
groggy sleep. She shifted and then stilled at the slight pain in her
abdomen, the remaining light cramps that only brought to her memory
exactly what had happened. She drew an indrawn breath and clenched her
eyes shut, hands going to her now empty stomach. She had never wanted
to feel that hollowness again. And now...she covered her mouth to
still a soft sob.

K'lvin had been sitting in a chair in a corner of the room, waiting
for Bahji to wake. He had felt somewhat calmer about the situation
once Reeva had been gone. He had never thought about striking a woman
until he met that creature. Even though she made no noise, K'lvin's
peripherals caught Bahji's movement and he turned his head to watch.
The pain, not necessarily physical, that he could see etched onto her
face made him frown. He knew that he had caused it, but shard it,
there could be other babies, maybe, in the future when things were
safer for Bahji, but there could only ever be one of her.

"Bahji." His voice was soft.

The sound of his voice stilled her and at first there was no response.
Instead, she put two and two together and realized that she was in his
weyr. She shoved all of the furs off and awkwardly swung her legs over
the side of the bed. Burst, jostled out of his sleep woke up with a
questioning chirrup. Bahji spoke dully. "Burst. The door. Show it to
me." The flit tilted his head and as Bahji rose, a pain in her groin
made her take a hissing indrawn breath. She half bent, her fingers
curling against her abdomen before she forced herself to stand
straight. Burst rose from the comfort of the furs and flew to her
shoulder, his cheek rubbing against her own in a gesture of comfort.
"The door, Burst." He turned his head towards it, sending the image.

"Bahji, don't." K'lvin stood and went over and placed his hands on her
shoulders, "You are in no shape to be traveling up and down stairs. At
least let me carry you there if you insist on going."

The moment his hands touched her, Bahji stiffened and slapped them
away. " Don't touch me! Don't you ever touch me." Sorrow turned into
immediate betrayed anger as she shoved her hands out, connecting
awkwardly against his chest and with no real strength. "You killed
them!"

The bronzerider took a step back, more for Bahji's comfort than his
own, "I know, Bahji, and no apology will do. Twins rarely survive with
a _healthy_ mother, Bahji, what was the point in risking their lives
and yours unnecessarily? There can always be more babies down the
road, but only if you are alive to have them."

"There was a chance! They could have lived!" She swiped at the air and
felt foolish when she missed him. "You said that they would be yours,
no matter what. That you would help me! You lied to me...you hurt me.
Why?" Her voice broke. "It was my choice...I wanted them...so much..."
She covered her face and turned away. Burst creeled at the emotions
pouring off of his pet and desperately rubbed his cheek against her in
an attempt to soothe her, but the little bronze's efforts were in
vain. Bahji strode towards where she expected the door to be, but
missed by several feet, coming close to colliding with the wall before
Burst let out a cheep of warning. She raised her hand from her face,
touching the hard stone of the wall and began frantically searching.
"I want to leave. I want to go home."

K'lvin shook his head, "And they would have been, Bahji, but not at
the cost of you. To have you alive... is worth it." He finished
softly, his hands automatically going out to caution her before she
ran into the wall, but Burst was looking out for her, as always. "If
you will let me I will take you back to your quarters."

"It wasn't your right! It was mine...Worth it to who?" Tears still
leaked out, but there was more anger in her voice than anything else.
"You've _helped_ me enough!" She felt along the wall, one hand still
gripping her abdomen. She wasn't ready to be up and walking around,
but she felt lost, betrayed and utterly alone. The loss was almost too
much to bear and that he had been the cause, someone that she thought
would help her and had claimed to care about her...She finally went to
her knees, covering her face again. "Why? Why did you do this to me?
What did I ever do to you? Why do dragonmen hurt me?"

The bronzerider joined Bahji as he got to the floor on his knees,
"What did you do to me? You made me love someone outside of the
bedroom for the first time in Turns. That may seem awfully weak to
you, but it is the truth. You have every right to hate me, to be
angry, I'll understand and stay out of the way if you never want to be
around me again. I just couldn't bear the thought of you dead, Bahji,
you deserve to live a long life." K'lvin tentatively reached out,
touching her shoulders again, "Please, Bahji, you need to lay down and
rest."

She shoved at his hand and then turned, her ears helping her locate
where his head was. Before she could stop herself or even think about
her actions, she struck, the flat of her hand finding his cheek. It
wasn't a strong blow, but enough to sting and then she began to pummel
his chest, anger and sorrow guiding her actions. "I hate you. I hate
you. I hate you."

Other than turn his head, K'lvin did nothing to deflect the blows,
knowing that he deserved every one of them. "I know, Bahji, I know."
He murmured softly.

Exhausted from the emotional uproar, Bahji slumped against his chest,
still weakly pounding at it and insisting that she despised him. For
all of her anger and feeling of betrayal, her mind subconsciously
sought out a source of comfort. Even as she leaned against him, still
hitting him, she half curled in his lap.

K'lvin didn't say anything, he didn't want to break the spell, because
Bahji needed to mourn, she needed to grieve, and once she fell asleep
again he would be sure to carry her to her weyr where she would be
more comfortable when she woke. Curling his arm around Bahji, K'lvin
held her in his lap, as he had once before when she had first found
out that she was pregnant but had an explosive fight with E'rae.

It didn't take long for Bahji to wear herself out against K'lvin's
warmth, her hand still curled into a fist against his chest as she
fell asleep in his arms. Her head nestled against his shoulder, face
raw, but finally at rest.

For a few minutes K'lvin savored the feeling of holding Bahji, and
then he rose with her in his arms. Carrying her down to her weyr took
no time at all, and K'lvin tried to make quick work of it, avoiding
the more traveled corridors. Pushing the door open to Bahji's quarters,
K'lvin used one hand to pull back the furs before tucking Bahji
beneath them. Pulling her shoes off, he set them down beside of her
bed. Standing, he watched her for a moment but reaching up and pulling
off his rank knots. She had felt them enough on his shoulder to know
what they were. Carefully K'lvin worked the cords into Bahji's hand,
and then he turned and tapped Burst on the head, "Look after her." He
left Bahji's quarters, quietly closing the door behind him on the way out.

Last updated on the May 13th 2014

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How Could You