A Long Awaited Good-Bye

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 10th November 2013

Characters: Cyradis, D'hol
Description: A good-bye is finally given
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 3, day 27 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: K'deren, N'vanik

Cyradis

D'hol

Still sweaty from drills, D'hol pulled off his helmet and dumped his
straps on the floor of his office. The drills hadn't gone well today;
some of the newer wing members were still trying to mesh within the
wings and they had had more than one accident from shoddy flying and
flaming. Running a hand through his hair and mussing it, he stared
down at the formations on his desk and then frowned darkly. He was
going to have to talk to N'vanik about a wingthird. So far, he didn't
see the potential in any of his wing and it frustrated him.

Cyradis might be grounded for the moment but that gave her the
opportunity to monitor the other wings through her lifemate's
observations. Because of Panitath, she was aware of Cyclone's problems
in this morning's drills. So she wasn't really surprised by the dark
look on D'hol's face when he marched into his office. With the
Wingleader's offices so close to the council rooms, she couldn't help
but hear him muttering as he swung past.

She rose from her seat where she'd been tallying the results of a
recent Tythe train. (It was just easier to spread everything out on
the council table.) With a hand on his doorframe she half smiled, "It
will get easier."

Pausing from the flipping of hides on his desk, D'hol looked up to
glance at Cyradis and then back down at the hides. His hair, normally
neat was a mass of disarrayed strands that curled around his ears and
neck. "When K'deren and I aren't covering for sloppy flying, then it
will get better." His lips thinned slightly. "Faranth forbid if one of
us gets threaded at this point and can't fly a full Fall." He ran a
hand over his face and rose before facing her. "Is there something I
can help you with, Weyrwoman?"

"No, no," she motioned with her hand for him to sit back down. She
wasn't quite sure why she'd come to see him actually. She knew, from
both K'deren and N'vanik that he was doing a great job for the Wing.
"You'll make it better," she said and took a step into his office. "I
know you can and so does K'deren."

He didn't sit, but arched one brow at her statement of confidence. "A
compliment from you?" He pursed his lips and sighed, pinching the
bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Your pregnancy is making you
awfully good natured." He turned back to his desk and frowned.

She smiled acknowledging the ding. She hadn't been at all friendly
since he'd arrived at Dolphin Cove. But things had changed. The
changes were small, almost imperceptible yet they were there... in
both of them. "I'm happy," she said simply. "For the first time in a
long time." She let the silence stretch for a moment before she added,
"though my unhappiness was partly my own fault."

His back to her, he stiffened, unsure how to take her words. His jaw
twitched worked from side to side; he had had a large hand in that
unhappiness and to have that pointed out stung. His shoulders slumped
slightly. "Good. I'm glad for you." He cleared his throat and went
back to his hides, refusing to look at her. "And don't worry about
Keilya. K'deren's..." His teeth ground a little, but he forced the
words out. "You're all a happy family and for her sake..." he took a
deep breath. "It doesn't need to be upset."

She wasn't quite sure what this was but the mood was tenuous at best.
She took a step forward sensing the tension and seeing his shoulders
slump she couldn't believe his words hadn't held a shred of sarcasm.
"Thank you," she said softly. "D'hol, I'm... sorry." She shook her
head slightly. "So very sorry that I didn't tell you." She took
another step.

He heard her take a step forward and his shoulders twitched visibly.
"You didn't want her to be mine. I get it, Cyradis." He stood
straight and then slowly turned to face her. "Don't." His jaw was
tight as he finally looked at her and for a moment, his eyes shone
with unshed tears before he blinked and they were gone, but his voice
was rough. "I'm tired of fighting with you, Cyradis. I'm...I'm tired
of hating you because I can't stop loving you. I've loved you for
Turns." He swallowed. "You're the only woman that I've ever loved."
His voice almost broke before he caught it. "The only woman I will
ever love. And I hate that I was never good enough, that no matter
what I did..." He shook his head and looked away, taking a deep
breath. "You're with child again. You have a man that you do love and
who loves you. You deserve a little happiness."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing the words were woefully
inadequate. "I'm..." there was no way to tell him what she really
wanted to say without creating false hope. Tears filled her own eyes
and she didn't say that it had broken her heart to break off with him.
"I realize I made the wrong choice back then. I did love you when we
made Kielya, I hope you know that."

"You deserve to find someone again too D'hol. Someone who truly loves
you.. I hope you can find that." Her words sounded trite in her own
ears and she despaired of communicating her deep remorse for the hurt
she'd caused all these Turns. "I'm so very sorry."

He looked at her again and shook his head before lifting his hand to
cup her cheek. His thumb brushed at the forming tears, wiping them
away. "Can you tell me honestly, Cyradis, that a part of you still
doesn't love me?" His brow furrowed. "I don't want to try to separate
you and K'deren; I won't. He's a good man." He grimaced slightly at
the admission."But you tell me honestly that there's no part of me
still in your heart, because when the day comes that Yumath and I go
between, you'll still have mine, even if you don't want it. Nothing's
going to change it." His voice firmed as he cupped her cheeks with
both hands. "You look at me and tell me that you don't feel anything
for me anymore. Can you?"

She couldn't deny it to his face, not when he was standing there so
open and vulnerable. She'd never been able to lie convincingly anyway
and he knew her better than most. "He _is_ a good man and I love him
so very much." She stopped and her lips twisted as she looked up into
his eyes. She'd dreamed of his tender side far more often than she'd
admit and it probably showed in her eyes. Her father had always told
her, her feelings might as well be written across her forehead. "How
could I not?" She closed her eyes for a moment. "When your eyes and
smile and that silly dimple are with me every single day?" Their
daughter was his spitting image and they both knew it.

His thumbs brushed over her cheeks slowly. "Then you have the best of
me." He finally offered a slight smile and bent to lightly kiss her
brow. "One day, Yumath will fly Panitath again; it won't be about me
being the Weyrleader, then. It will be about me being able to be with
you, just one more time, without worrying about any guilt or shame on
your part. " He tilted his head, his eyes soft. "Do me one favor,
Cyradis." One thumb brushed her lower lip. "Kiss me goodbye. Kiss me
like you once did." His eyes were gentle and his voice soft.

She sighed and wilted slightly. "Oh D'hol," she breathed. His touch
was achingly familiar but it wasn't where she belonged anymore. She
was more certain of that now than ever. The moment that could have
bound her to D'hol had passed long ago but even knowing that, she
still felt she owed him a rather large debt. Her eyes flicked back and
forth between his searching for the truth of this moment. She owed him
the kiss she'd not been willing or able to give him when they'd parted
so many Turns ago. She owed him more than that and should Yumath fly
Panitath she'd find herself in the very place he described. With a
tiny nod she closed her eyes and lifted her face to his.

That small gesture gave him license to pull her close and bend to
capture her lips with his own. It was a tender gesture and as his
hands swept into her hair, he poured every bit of emotion he felt into
the kiss he had wanted for turns. The last had been achingly sweet
until he had yanked away from her, but in this, he poured all of his
latent passion and adoration mingled with the grief of loss. It was
truly a goodbye to what they had been and what he was having to let
go.

A small squeak sounded from the door and the sound lured him away from
the embrace, but when he lifted his head, he saw nothing. He sighed
and released Cyradis before stepping away and clearing his throat.

When he kissed her, she kissed him back with an aching tenderness. She
bent to his passion and let it wash over her, knowing how deeply his
loss had affected them both. Though she'd delt with her own loss
Turns ago that didn't mean she couldn't understand what he was going
through. Her guilt and sorrow for her part in it led her to allow him
to break the kiss when he was ready. She took a step back when he
released her.

"I should go," she said softly.

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek for a final stroke of the skin and
then nodded. "You should." He let her go. "But...if you would, when
there's time, I'd still like to be able to tell Keilya stories on
occasion."

"Of course," she said. "You're her father D'hol." Then ignoring the
fact that he'd told her she didn't have to, she added "she'll know
that soon." She fully intended to carry through on that promise she'd
made, especially now that he seemed to have mellowed just a little.
Her voice was soft as she turned toward the door "I promise."

He said nothing, but exhaled and turned away, back to his maps. He let
her go, letting his mental walls build up once again an locking away
the emotions that her visit had sprung forth. After that good bye
gesture, he could not look at her. Not right now.

For some reason her vision blurred with unshed tears when she went
through the door and crossed the hall back toward the council
chambers, So, she didn't see the form that stepped back into the
shadows.

Last updated on the January 17th 2014

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A Long Awaited Good-Bye