No I'm Not...Yes You Are

Writers: Devin, Miriah
Date Posted: 9th August 2013

Characters: J'ackt, N'vanik
Description: N'vanik gets his way
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 15 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Qorri

Notes: Follows "You've Made a Mistake"

J'ackt

N'vanik

Since that episode with the blue dragon, Jenackt made it a priority to
avoid any pair of whirling eyes and anyone with dragonriding knots.
Instead, he immersed himself in the back of the kitchens, elbows deep
in bloody carcasses. He was getting more accustomed to the giggles of
the girls and had tried to respond to them, but his offered smiled
only ended up with hearing more giggles. It was frustrating, but far
less so than the memory of that dragon's voice, so certain and so
bloody loud. He muttered a curse to himself. The dragon and his rider
had clearly been out of their collective minds.

One of the kitchen workers hurried up to him with wide eyes. "The
Weyrleader is looking for you."

Jenackt muffed a curse as he put down his knife. He hadn't done
anything wrong. "Where?"

"Out in the dining cavern." She pointed in the general direction.

Washing the mess from him, he grimaced, but nodded. The Weyrleader had
let him stay, and perhaps it was just to see how he was doing. Taking
off the borrowed apron, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his
trousers and walked slowly out of the kitchen to emerge in the dining
cavern. He glanced around, avoided curious eyes and walked towards
N'vanik.

"Hey Amitko." N'vanik wasn't surprised to see the boy looked wary. "I
heard through the dragons that you were Searched." And that he'd
refused, which is why he thought it was time for some persuasion.

He looked up and shrugged. "A blue dragon thought so. Why?' Jenackt
was indeed wary, especially since it was now reasonably certain that
N'vanik wasn't here just to check up on him.

"Let's go for a walk." N'vanik headed toward the doorway that led out
into the Bowl.

Brows snapped down and there was a hint of stubbornness around his
jaw, but Jenackt followed, arms crossed over his chest. He would have
refused, but the release from the gazes of the curious made him
grateful to be out of the dining cavern. As he strode out into the
open air, Jenackt took a deep breath, basking in the freshness of it,
though it seemed flavored with the spicy scent that all the
dragonriders had. It was growing to be familiar, but he still felt
himself almost longing for the quiet scent of the earth around his
little nook in the cliff.

"Why did you say no?"

He knew was N'vanik was talking about. For a moment, he pressed his
lips together tightly, unwilling to break his silence. His jaw flexed
and he just stared at the Weyrleader for another moment before
speaking. "The blue dragon made a mistake. That's why. I'm no rider."

"Search dragons don't make mistakes. Not everyone they choose
Impresses, but they always choose someone with _potential_." He looked
at the young man. "Anyone ever tell you that you were special?"
N'vanik had an idea of what cards he could play.

"This one did." The statement was firm, but he blinked at N'vanik's
question. His posture tightened and his soft voice was bitter. "My
mother. But she's dead. And all mothers must say that. So what's your
point?"

Shards, this kid was so much like him. "A _dragon_ just told you
you're special."

There was a flash of a scowl and mentally, Jenackt dug his heels in.
"They tell lots of people that. Even you said some Candidates don't
Impress." His jaw twitched tighter. "Look, I'm grateful for being
taken in and for being allowed to stay until I get completely healed.
But I'm no hero. I don't want to be. And I don't want to protect
people. I protect me. That's what I'm good at." And he didn't want to
protect Holders. His experience with them had left him with more than
just a little distaste for the folk. It was also more words than he
had spoke to anyone at a single instance since he had arrived here.
"And risking my ass for a bunch of people who don't give a sharding
damn about anything but what's in their own little world doesn't
exactly scream survival to me."

N'vanik had to fight not to smile. "I wish I could explain it to you,
what having a dragon is like. To know that you'll never be alone, that
you're the _most important_ thing on Pern to your dragon. To have him
fill up the empty places inside you that you didn't even know you
had." Loseth sent love from where he was sunning on the heights.

If anything Jenackt looked even more uncomfortable and his arms
crossed even tighter. He didn't know how not to be alone. Not really.
Not any more. Even with his father, he had been alone. What N'vanik
was saying sounded far too good to be true. "Why are you telling me
this?"

"Because I want you to Stand. I'd tie you up and toss you out on the
Sands if I could, but it has to be your choice."

"I'd like to see you try." The words held the tone of stubborn youth,
but there was a certainty there that spoke of his experience in
fighting. But then he sighed and shook his head, holding back the
reins of his temper. "Why? I told that rider that I'm not like all of
you. And I'm not. " He shifted on his feet and gritting his teeth he
continued. "I don't know anything about dragons. I don't know anything
about..." He waved his hands to gesture at the weyr. "any of this. I'm
not one of you." For a moment his expression faltered and he looked
absolutely lost before he steeled his spine. "I'm an outsider here."

"So was I. I was holdless, a thief. Now I'm Weyrleader." He studied
Jenackt. "You can have friends, you can belong, you can have a home.
Maybe you don't _think_ you want those things, but I'm willing to bet
deep down you do."

He fell silent and just stared down at the ground. His voice was
quiet. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to Stand," N'vanik said. "If you need a selfish reason, I
could use a rider like you."

"You don't even know me." Jenackt replied just as quickly. He sighed.
"You're not going to leave me alone about this, are you?"

"Nope," the Weyrleader said lightly.

"And you're going to find a way to get me on those sands aren't you?"
Jenackt wasn't stupid. The man had the all the power in the weyr.

"I can't _force_ you, but I can pester you and get the whole Weyr to
help me." The corner of his mouth turned up. "Trust me, I can be very
annoying."

Jenackt scowled. "Don't know anything about being a Candidate,
either." He pinched the bridge of his nose and then glared at N'vanik.
"Fine. I'll make a deal with you. I'll Stand. Once and only once.
After that, no more mention about it."

It was probably the best he was going to get out of the boy. "Deal."
And if he didn't Impress ... well, he'd have to figure out another way
to convince him to stay.

Still looking disgruntled, Jenackt blew a lock of hair from his brow.
"So now what. I agreed to Stand. So now what do I do?"

"Go see the Headwoman. She'll get you set up in the barracks and let
you know the class schedule. We get hold and hallbred Candidates that
know as little about dragons as you do, so you won't be alone." With a
little smile he added, "And try to relax a little."

There was a snort. "Classes." His voice was laced with sarcasm. "I
just had loads and loads of time and opportunity to learn my letters
and numbers. " He shook his head and his lips twisted. He had made his
deal and he would follow through. He looked up at met N'vanik's gaze.
"Would you be able to?"

"So you were holdless younger than I was," he said thoughtfully. "Let
Qorri know and she can set you up with someone to teach you." Maybe
she would warm up to the boy if be became one of her "projects".

He looked at N'vanik and spoke softly. "I don't remember ever having a
home, Weyrleader. Ever. Like I said, I'm not like people here. " He
shook his head and looked over his shoulder at the dining cavern at
the mention of Qorri. "She doesn't like me. Why would she help?"

"Because it's her duty and because she's a friend of mine." It wasn't
all that long ago that N'vanik could count his friends on one hand.
"If you have any trouble with her, let me know. I'll talk to her."

The man had a frustrating and most annoying way of having an answer to
everything. Jenackt frowned deeply. "Fine. I'll speak to her when I
see her."

"The sooner the better. The Hatching is coming up." N'vanik hoped
there was a bronze in there.

Jenackt shrugged. After the Hatching, he'd not have to hear another
word about it. And then, he could figure out what he needed to do.

Last updated on the August 17th 2013

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No I'm Not...Yes You Are