What Does It Mean?

Writers: Devin
Date Posted: 21st July 2013

Characters: N'vanik, Talryne
Description: N'vanik tells Talryne the news.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 1 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Rhosyn, Cosani, K'sedel

Notes: Follows "Knock Out Drag Out"

N'vanik

Talryne

N'vanik barely said a word to her as he slowly stripped off his Gather
clothes. She watched him for a moment. He'd left annoyed and now he
seemed ... distant.

'What's wrong? Did you have another fight with Rhosyn?" Talryne asked.
He hadn't wanted to go to the Hatching at all so he could keep
avoiding the Weyrwoman.

He stopped and stared at her so long it made her nervous. "Rhosyn is
pregnant." After a breath he added, "It might be mine."

"Oh." Talryne didn't know what to say. What to feel.

"She's keeping it, although she's not too happy about it. She doesn't
want kids." Thank Faranth it wasn't just because of him.

"Oh," she repeated. Talryne started sinking into herself, wrapping her
arms around her stomach as the meaning hit her. "Keeping it. Not like
me, when I ..." Fear tried to swallow her as she imagined N'vanik
spending all his time with Rhosyn and the baby, happy and smiling. And
before long he'd realize he didn't need Talryne, didn't need someone
who wasn't whole, who had hurt him so much when she ended her
pregnancy.

N'vanik recognized the signs of panic. He sat on the couch and put his
arms around her. "Hey, don't worry about it. That's in the past. It
was a ... misunderstanding, that's all." No matter how much it hurt,
he didn't blame her for it. She hadn't understood what it meant to
him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She clung to him, the horrible emptiness
inside her yawning wide. "Don't leave me." Much of the time she
believed she'd gotten stronger, but then the weakness would seize her,
washing all her progress away.

He held her face, gently but firmly, until she looked at him. "I will
never leave you." When these moods took her, he wished more than
anything that he could take away her fear. "This won't change that."

Talryne nodded and rested her head on his shoulder, willing the
darkness to go away.

}:I'm here, too,:{ Loseth said, filling a bit of the emptiness inside her head.

After a while, she had control of herself again. "So what does this
mean?" He couldn't move to River Bluff, so at least she didn't have to
worry about that.

"Well, I'll be visiting River Bluff on a more regular basis. She's
scared, and I want her to know she's not alone." Even if he was still
angry at her for treating him like wherry dung. "And after the baby is
born, I'll visit then, too. I want him -- or her -- to know that
they're loved. I don't want him to grow up like Cosani. Not that they
would in a Weyr anyway, but..." He shrugged. The thought of having a
child made his stomach jittery, but at least he knew he wanted some
part in its life.

N'vanik took a breath. "Here I am acting like it's mine for sure. It
could be K'sedel's. The Flight was around the same time."

"What if it _is_ his?" Talryne bit her lip. That had sounded too hopeful.

"There might not be a way to know for sure. And I don't think it'll
hurt the kid to have an extra father." N'vanik snorted. "I guess I'll
have to make peace with the idea that I might never know." It had
happened to lots of other men before him, especially weyrfolk.

She didn't like the idea of him having a permanent tie to Rhosyn. Just
when she thought that was all over … but she realized something else.
N'vanik was worried, maybe even afraid. This was a chance for her to
be the supportive one. Sometimes he needed her to comfort him, to be
the strong one, but she always felt like she took more than she gave.
She hated being needy. "You'll be a good father." It hurt to say.
She'd cost him a chance at that, and now another woman was giving him
what he wanted.

"I hope so. I wish I'd been there for Cosani." His daughter was a
strong rider now, but that didn't erase her terrible childhood. And
he'd missed out on so much of her life. They were civil to each other,
but he wanted more.

"That wasn't your fault." She twined her fingers with his.

"I know. Shards, I'll have to tell her she's getting a new brother or
sister." That was sure to be an awkward conversation. Then again, most
conversations were awkward with her anyway. And speaking of awkward …
"Once the baby is born, I want you to come see it. I mean, if you're
okay with that. You don't have to be part of his life or anything, but
I want you to meet him. Or her."

Her chest felt tight. "Okay." Another woman's baby, but it was his,
too. Would she feel anything for this child?

Would it always be a painful reminder of how she'd hurt him?

Last updated on the July 24th 2013

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What Does It Mean?