I Had Kinda Hoped
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Aaron, Devin
Date Posted: 7th January 2025
Characters: Ç'pier, R'lor
Description: Ç'pier expresses his unexpected disappointment with his wing assignment.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 25 of Turn 12
Ever since the wing assignments had been posted, Ç'pier had been conflicted. He had walked by R'lor's office door so many times only to either walk on by entirely or stop himself just before he knocked.
}:You can simply tell the man how you feel, you know. Shall I ask Kularth--:{
**No,** Ç'pier cut his dragon off mid-thought. **He doesn't want me Yuli. And why would he? He hates me now.**
Of course, as luck would have it, this time when he stopped his fist in midair from knocking and turned to walk away from R'lor's office, he practically ran right into him.
"Shit. Sorry, sir." Ç'pier locked his eyes on the ground.
"Did you need something?" R'lor asked in a carefully neutral tone. Working with C'pier every day had dulled his anger simply because he couldn't be that cross all the time. But he still often felt anger -- and guilt about his anger -- when he encountered C'pier one-on-one.
Ç'pier froze for a moment.
}:Just tell him.:{
"I- I... I just saw the wing assignments, and I know it's crazy of me to think anyone would want me, but I just... I kinda thought maybe I could stay with you. Crazy. I know."
Who would want a murderer teaching children?
}:You are not a murderer.:{
**I meant to be. And as far as they're concerned, I am.**
"I shouldn't have bothered you about it."
R'lor blinked. "You wanted to repeat _another_ class? Or do you mean you wanted to be an assistant?"
"Skies... I told you it was crazy," Ç'pier sighed. "I just felt like maybe I could help you."
}:And...:{
"And maybe... re-earn your trust somehow... Look, Yuliuth is making me say this. You don't have to tell me how stupid it is for me to dare to even ask you. I'm sorry."
There was a small voice that wondered if maybe R'lor was a little too eager to pass C'pier off to someone else, but objectively there was nothing wrong with his performance in drills and no good reason to hold him back other than continued punishment. "You belong in the fighting wings. Your job is to fight Thread." The Weyrlingmaster sighed. "C'pier, you shouldn't be worried about winning me over. The best thing for you to do is move forward. None of us can change what happened."
Ç'pier hated how much he wanted R'lor to forgive him. He had never cared so much in his life what one person thought about him, and he could not for the life of him think why R'lor in particular should matter.
}:Perhaps, for a moment, having him was like having a father again.:{
**Now why would you go and say something like that?**
"Yeah... You're right." Ç'pier wished Yuliuth had not said anything. It made it much more difficult to speak. "I'm, uh... I'm really sorry. I have to go. May I go?"
It was not as though he had never cried in front of R'lor before. But that did not mean he wanted to do it again. He covered his eyes with one hand.
"C'pier . . ." R'lor's natural instinct to comfort battled with the anger over what the young man had done. "Give it time," he said finally. "You can help me by showing that my training worked. That you're a good wingrider and you'll serve the Weyr well. A lot of people are waiting to see if making a bluerider Weyrlingmaster was a mistake."
The thought of someone blaming R'lor for anything to with him infuriated Ç'pier. Luckily, this helped him keep himself from tearing up again.
"I'll show them."
"Good lad." R'lor gently patted his arm. "It's an honor to be chosen for Cyclone Wing." No need to mention that the acting Wingleader had seemed reluctant.
"Yes, sir." Ç'pier clung to the slight vestiges of benevolence from R'lor like a life ring. He did not care very much about honor. Not for himself, anyway. But perhaps he could perform well enough in the wings that his wingleader could not help but assume R'lor's teaching skill was brilliant.
"And when you face Thread, do your best to come back alive." R'lor gave him a serious look. "Whatever else, I truly don't want you to die."
"Well, I can't now." Ç'pier's lips twitched in the smallest of grins. "If I get myself killed after taking your class twice, they couldn't help but assume it was your fault, and I'm not gonna give them that."
That got a genuine laugh out of the Weyrlingmaster. "There you go." He couldn't make any promises about forgiveness or C'pier somehow earning his trust back, but at least he could give the lad a little positivity.
Ç'pier returned his gaze to the ground.
"I really am sorry. For everything," he said. Even if it was completely empty and worthless to R'lor, Ç'pier had to say it. "I'll let you get back to work."
Last updated on the January 15th 2025