Unruly

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 12th February 2022

Characters: J'ackt, Alina
Description: J'ackt and Alina struggles with the thought of children
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 3 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Enali, Cyradis, Saidrene ___

J'ackt

Alina

As the Weyr settled from the horrendous Hatching, J'ackt couldn't stop
thinking about what Enali had said. Not only did she carry a babe he
had sired, but three others existed. All young babes; the thought made
his stomach clench with nausea, but there was also a lingering
dreadful curiosity. Were they like him? Angry? Temperamental? Damaged?

It wasn't until the children were brought out into the Weyrbowl that
he really took notice; it was a common occurrence, children were
brought out from the creche all the time. Normally he never took
notice of them and ignored them like the rest of the Weyr background.
But now, the sight of the young toddlers and infants made his throat
tight. Which ones? Could he tell? He went still by Zith's side as the
group of small children with their creche workers settled under a
nearby tree.

"I thought that was you!" Alina stepped around Zith's wings a moment
later, a basket over one arm with flowers she'd gathered for their
weyr and Stumpy at her heels. "I thought you were still sparring with
the guards or I'd have asked you to come for a walk with me."

J'ackt surprisingly jumped at the sound of her voice, eyes pulling
away from the children. Looking discomforted, he cleared his throat.
"No. We finished a bit ago. I was just..." What had he been going to
do before the children came out? It hadn't been giving Zith a bath. He
finished with a shrug, but his attention was caught by a sudden shriek
of a child. He turned and saw a little blonde child, no more than
three turns frantically tugging at a doll that a little boy had with a
scowl.

She followed his gaze, her smile faltering. Perhaps that was one of
his children-- that's what he was thinking. She blinked and slipped
her arm through her weyrmate's, trying to ignore the squeeze of her
heart. "Don't."

His throat worked as he watched the little girl, studied her face. Did
she look like him? Was that his temper coming out? If she was his, had
he given her that anger? What if that angry child _was_ his? He barely
heard Alina's voice as the child yanked the doll away and screamed at
the little boy. "IT'S MINE!" He turned away as a creche worker quickly
moved to intervene to soothe both children. When he finally
acknowledged the touch on his arm, he looked down at his weyrmate, his
face drawn. "What?"

She looked back at the children. "I... can guess what you're thinking about."

He didn't reply immediately, but looked back at the children, then
back down to Alina. He began to turn towards them. "I have to know."

Alina kept hold of his arm and tugged him back to face him. "And then
what, J'ackt."

Her tug stopped him and he swallowed hard as he looked down at her. It
was clear that he was distressed, trying to hide it, and uncertain as
to what he truly needed to do. He looked almost...lost. "I...I don't know."

"If you want to know, there are better ways," she said quietly. "If
you go over there now you'll cause a scene and people might... assume
things, or want things from you..."

For the normally quick thinking J'ackt, it took a moment for him to
really absorb what she was saying to him. Slowly, he nodded, his
answer soft. "Yeah. Guess so." His eyes flicked to the children, now
calmed, then back at Alina. He wished he'd never been told. And the
thought of that wretched girl carrying a child of his, what would
_that_ child be like? He studied Alina's face. "Sorry, Alina. I wasn't
thinking about what you thought about all this. You didn't ask for it."

Her gaze shifted briefly to the children. "Neither did you. This is
all because of the Weyrwoman."

He studied her face, his own drawn. "They were born before that.
According to that girl. And now she's..." He rubbed his face.
"Faranth, I can't stand the thought of that wench bearing my child.
Any child."

"Well, she's gone now. And her child... she could very well be lying.
And even if she isn't, it'll be its own person." She tugged on his arm
a little as Stumpy took a seat by their feet to scratch his ear. "With
any luck, because she's a criminal they'll take the child from her and
have it fostered somewhere kinder."

His feet moved towards her when she tugged on him, nudging Stumpy who
just as easily ignored him. The idle thought came that the canine was
more and more attached to Alina than to himself. Shaffing canine. He
exhaled and bent to rest his brow against Alina's, closing his eyes
and taking what comfort he could from her. "I don't know what I'd do
without you."

"Probably something extrordinarily stupid," she said, then handed him
the basket of flowers. "Carry this back to our weyr for me. You need
something to do." They both did; the way J'ackt had been looking at
the children made her heart ache for everything she'd never have.

He took the basket without comment. He may have looked silly carrying
a basket of colorful flowers, but he barely considered it, his mind
elsewhere, mulling over the thought of children that carried his
blood. Three in the creche, two pregnant...Saidrene. Six children.
He'd never wanted children to be sired by him. What if they were
all...wrong in some way? He was responsible for that. He didn't look
back at the children, but the thought ate at him, churning in his gut
like a poison.

Alina couldn't think of something to say that didn't sound idiotic as
they made their way back to their weyr. J'ackt looked increasingly
unhappy and her head was full of blond haired children. They finally
stepped inside and closed the door behind themselves and Stumpy, who
promptly went to lie on his cushion.

The greenrider turned to her weyrmate. "J'ackt... what's in your head?"

He put the basket down on the table and rubbed his face. At first he
didn't answer and pinched the bridge of his nose as he took several
deep breaths. How could he explain what he was thinking? "That I can't
stop this. That I had no chance of stopping this. Ever. Six children,
Alina. I didn't want to know and now I do. Six. And if they're...wrong
somehow...it's because of me." He sat, rubbing his eyes.

The flowers should be put into water, but they could wait. Alina sat
down beside him and put a hand on his back. "There's so much in life
that's not our choosing, isn't there."

He nodded. "Yeah. I don't have to like it."

"No, you don't." Alina's lips tightened as she thought of her own
banishment to the Weyr, the Flights she had to endure, and the fact
that they'd never be able to leave the Weyr, even if Thread
disappeared forever. "But... I know I've said this before, and I know
that... it will never happen. I _know_ that. But I wouldn't be afraid
to have your children, J'ackt. You're not _wrong_, and they won't be
either."

J'ackt's head lifted up in a sharp jerk as he looked at Alina. He
heard the tone in her voice, heard the pause, and the expression on
her face. "Alina...do you..." He struggled for a moment to finish his
sentence. He had to say it, had to say what Cyradis had mentioned.
"Cyradis she...she suggested I give you a child."

"I don't care what the Weyrwoman wants. The Weyrwoman has _no_ place
in our family and _no right_ to suggest that we breed like-- like
herdbeasts, for her precious bloodlines," Alina said fiercely, taking
J'ackt's hand in her own. "I know that you don't want children. I do,
but when we weyrmated I knew that it wouldn't ever happen. I chose
_you_ because if I have a family I want _you_ to be part of it. And if
our family is just you and me and Zith and Imarith and Stumpy, that'll
be enough for me."

She did want children. J'ackt squeezed her hand at the flash of guilt
and looked down at their entwined fingers. "You could have children,
Alina. I have no right to stop you. I just...I can't be a da. Flights happen..."

"If I have children, I want _you_ to be the father. I didn't weyrmate
with you so that I could go start a family with someone else," the
greenrider said with a sniff.

It seemed like he'd given everyone else, including Saidrene, his
blood, but not the woman who actually wanted it and the one who loved
him. Shards, he'd even given a woman that hated him his seed. He
stared at their entwined hands and closed his eyes, his throat feeling
swollen and not wanting to speak the words that he was about to ask.
"Alina. Be honest with me. Do you want me to give you a child?"

She was silent, staring at the ring on her finger and their entwined
hands as she tried to think of what to say. Finally she sighed. "I do.
But I also made a promise to you when we weyrmated. I know that
children aren't in our future and I won't go back on my promise.
You're worth more to me than that. I'd rather have you than have
children."

He stared at their entwined hands for a long moment, jaw muscles
twitching. He could not deny Alina much of anything once she said she
wanted it, and now was no exception. His thumb stroked over hers as he
inwardly debated with himself; she'd given him what he wanted with
Cosani, didn't complain about unavoidable flights that Zith chased in,
and even had to struggle as much as he did with the contract with
Cyradis. She asked for little from him and he knew it. "Stop taking
your teas, Alina." He leaned forward to rest his brow against hers.

She sucked in a breath. Children-- a family. Her heart squeezed
painfully. "I-- not like this, J'ackt. This is a big decision and
right now, with everything that's happened... ask me again later, when
you're... thinking better."

There was no mistaking the relief that relaxed his shoulders and was
heard in the exhale of his breath. He nodded and kissed her brow
before rising, feeling exhausted from the emotions of the moment.
"Alright. I'm going to take a bath."

Alina nodded. "And I should probably do something about these
flowers..." A little time apart would hopefully give her time to get
her unruly hopes in line.

He just nodded, and rubbing his face, walked away towards the bathing
chambers and leaving her alone to manage her thoughts.

Last updated on the July 15th 2022

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Unruly