Kind of Permanent, Isn't it?

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 28th October 2020

Characters: K'yne, J'ackt
Description: K'yne comes to visit J'ackt and learns about J'ackt's plans. He offers advice, but it's largely ignored.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 3 of Turn 10

K'yne

J'ackt

J'ackt watched as Zith lunged at a herdbeast and with a vicious shake
of his head, broke the spine as he lacerated the beasts sides. The
dragon was steadily growing more and more irritable and unfortunately,
the herdbeast had borne the brunt of his frustration; normally the
kills were quicker, not resulting in such gore. J'ackt, rubbed his
jaw. Maybe he needed to take him hunting instead of just selecting a
fat buck when he was hungry. Faranth knew it helped him. He sat on a
large stone, propping up one leg to rest his arm on it while Zith ate.

"Is he always a messy eater?" a familiar voice asked.

J'ackt looked up and over towards the voice. "Oh, hey. Wasn't
expecting you. " He turned back to watch Zith. "No. Not normally." He
frowned. "I'm working on it."

"How's the recovery going?" K'yne asked. He hadn't visited in a bit,
having been busy with Wing duties and helping Erivana with Keriv.

J'ackt didn't answer right away, seemingly lost in thought before he
answered. "I'm back in the wings right now. Shoulder still aches a bit
after I go /between/ and Urlene things I'll never be as strong in that
arm as I used to be. But I'm still exercising it. Not as easy as it
was." He glanced at K'yne before watching Zith shred the heardbeast
with a grimace and a mutter "Shaffit, dragon, ease off. I'm working
on it." Zith grunted irritably in response.

K'yne nodded, his eyes also on Zith. It was nearly impossible to calm
an irritated dragon if you were irritated yourself, but he didn't
think J'ackt needed to be told that. "Glad to hear you're back in the
Wings, I know it's easy to go stircrazy when you're grounded."

"I was in the Queen's wing for a while. Glad that's over though." He
thought of his argument with Cyradis and glanced at K'yne again. Was
that why he was visiting too? He hadn't said anything yet. Perhaps he
wouldn't, which would be fine with him. "So, why the visit? Just
checking in on me?"

"Just checking in," K'yne confirmed with a relaxed shrug. Did he want
to say something to J'ackt about the whole Saidrene situation? Sure,
he was curious, but the brownrider was no fool and he knew how
tentative his relationship with his son was already, so he didn't plan
on jeopardizing that with a heated conversation.

"Mmm." J'ackt tapped his fingers against his knee as he considered.
Maybe he needed another perspective, one not so close. For all that
K'yne was his father, their relationship wasn't close. "Got a
question for you then. It's... what do they call
it...hypotheretical." He stumbled over the unfamiliar word, but hoped
K'yne would know what he meant. "Been told over and over that women at
the Weyr have all the control over their bodies. That's all fine and
good. But if a man, a rider, doesn't want kids and he can fix that,
shouldn't he be allowed to and make that choice just like the women
can?"

K'yne's mind raced as he tried to figure out where this line of
questioning was headed, he had no doubt that it related to the
situation with Saidrene. "You mean like... celibacy? Just not having
sex?" he asked.

J'ackt turned to look at K'yne and raised his brows, then finally
flashed a smile. "Rider can't do that. 'Specially if he's got a
weyrmate. Besides, who'd want to do _that_?" He gestured to Zith.
"Can't even keep 'em out of Flights, really. Turns out bronzes get
shaffing pissy as hell if you try more than a couple. Nah. That's not
possible." He began tapping his knee again. "No, I'm talkin' about a
surgery. Urlene, she says it can be done without chopping off bits.
Been thinking about it before I talk to N'vanik to get it approved. "

That caught him by surprise. K'yne's eyebrows shot up into his
hairline. "Surgery? That sounds extreme.... You mean surgery on," he
gestured towards his crotch.

J'ackt watched K'yne's hands and nodded, looking back up. "Yeah. Got
a fecking lecture from Cyradis about how I can't even talk to a woman
about not carrying my babe. Called me an ass and stupid. I don't have
a clue about anything, she says. Didn't even want to listen to how I
felt. But I get it, I guess. But she did agree I'd make a shite Da,
but I already knew that. Said that 'You will be a father whether you
like it or not. '" He mimicked the Weyrwoman's voice rather poorly.
"Well, no I won't. I want to make sure of it."

"Shells," K'yne said the word in a low, drawled out hiss. "For one,
there's no guarantee that you'd be a bad da." He spoke from a little
bit of experience on that. "Having your half-brother has been...
Completely different than what I thought, in a good way." The
brownrider shook his head. "You should do whatever makes you
comfortable but... If it were me, I couldn't imagine letting a surgeon
near my goods. What if there is some kind of complication during
surgery and it doesn't ..._work_ anymore?" He shook his head. No, he
couldn't imagine that.

J'ackt stared at him for a long moment and spoke softly. "You knew my
Da...sort of. What he was like. For all that you're my father,
K'yne, I'm not like you. I'm like him. Got the same temper. I'm
violent and sometimes I can't control it. I know that. It's why I
don't drink much. Can't lose what control I got. I won't risk it
with a babe. A baby deserves a good Da that wouldn't do that, not me."
Her looked away, face grim. "Urlene's the best. I trust her to do
it right. If there's risks, she'll tell me about 'em once N'vanik
approves it. I'm certain I want to do this. "

"What if in ten Turns when you're older, more settled and stable, you
decide that you would like to have a kid with your weyrmate?" he
asked. "You may not always be in this place in your life, angry or
violent, you know."

J'ackt shook his head, unable to imagine his temper or aggression ever
calming. Even if it did, there was too much risk that there'd be a
child before that happened. He recalled how he'd reacted with
Jerinne's pregnancy announcement, and then his violent emotions when
Saidrene had sprung her own. It still angered him, not only for
Alina's feelings, but also how she'd flung his emotions, something he'd
trusted her with, back in his face. He'd left so he wouldn't get
violent and had had to to take several candlemarks away to calm
himself. He couldn't do that. What if he'd not be able to have the
chance to calm down? "Answer's still no. It's too risky. I won't do
that. Alina, she can have a babe if she wants. That's her choice. But not
mine. Won't have anything to do with it if she does. Shards, according
to Cyradis, I can't even talk about it with her now." He sighed,
tapping his knee. "Pretty set on this to be honest."

"You asked me if I thought you should have the same choice that the
women have, and the answer is yes, the only thing I can see that is
different is your solution is much more permanent than theirs." K'yne
respected that J'ackt was trying to be responsible, in his own way.

"Yeah, it is." J'ackt nodded. "But it's the only way to be sure. Look
what happens when I try something else." He gestured to Zith, who'd
finished his buck, but still stood, shifting from foot to foot with
flecks of yellow in his eyes. "Can't keep doing that to him either. "
He sighed, finally rubbing his face and got up. "Guess you'll have to
wait till your kid grows up to have grandkids. "

"If what you are worried about is your influence on the kid, why would
it matter if you had flight children? Greenriders have to turn their
children over to the creche regardless if the father is present in the
child's life or not. It's not as if you would be expected to do
anything, that's what the creche is for- so you wouldn't be around the
child to influence it."

That brought a snort. If flight babes weren't an issue, why would
Saidrene insist on him knowing about it while trying to ruin his
relationship with Alina? And K'yne himself had just had a flight babe
and was involved with it. That line of reasoning simply didn't work.
"No. I'm making sure. Like you said, it's my choice."

Of course, J'ackt couldn't know that K'yne was involved with his
flight baby because he had fallen for the mother. "Well, if you end up
going through with it I wish you luck. How did your weyrmate take the
news?"

J'ackt nodded then shrugged. "I haven't spoken to her about it yet. I
haven't gotten approval from N'vanik. But she knows I don't want
children. She knew before we weyrmated. After what happened with..." His
voice trailed off and he huffed softly before he continued. "Well, it
shouldn't be an issue."

"Ah yes, well, when you tell Alina she may just castrate you herself
and solve all of your problems." K'yne teased with a chuckle.

He turned to arch a brow and smirked in response. "I doubt it. I keep
her happy where that's concerned. She'll be reasonable. " **Surely
she'll be. We talked about not having children. She wasn't upset
then. She'll understand just fine**

Last updated on the November 5th 2020

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Kind of Permanent, Isn't it?