Fine

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 19th October 2019

Characters: J'ackt, Alina
Description: Alina is not fine.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 26 of Turn 9

J'ackt

Alina

Alina stood outside her weyr, staring at the door. J'ackt was behind that door. Zith had lost the flight. She'd ended up in the flight cots with someone else.

The greenrider put her hand toward the door, then let it drop. She'd come back to herself nestled against a warm body. He'd been kind, but... it wasn't the outcome she'd wanted. Or anticipated. Usually Alina threw herself deep into Imarith's mind at the beginning of the flight, before anyone could touch her. She'd done it the first time Imarith rose and had found it easier to keep riding the winds in the safety of her dragon's mind, rather than keeping them separate down below. It meant that she didn't remember much about what her body did back on the ground.

Except this time she did remember more of the flight. She remembered the way she'd clawed at the victor, how he'd carried her into the flight cots, how desperately aroused she'd been before Imarith's mind had overridden hers... and how she'd left J'ackt behind. Perhaps to sate himself with some random woman, when it should have been _her_. Alina closed her eyes, shying away from the memory and the mortification she felt. She remembered so much more about the flight this time, and she didn't want that memory to be with someone she barely knew. It was supposed to have been Zith, and J'ackt...

What would J'ackt say? She raised a hand to to her neck to hide the large new hickey there. He'd likely ask her if she had a nice flight. A _nice_ flight. He'd probably be so sharding blase about the whole thing. Probably. She swallowed thickly. Or maybe he'd preferred it, not winning her flight. She was _boring_, after all. And this was his chance to sleep with someone else. His chance _today_, at least.

Or maybe he'd say nothing. Maybe he'd care so little that she'd been with another man, that he'd say nothing at all. That would hurt the worst. The knot in her chest turned into a stone.

She couldn't stand it. Alina scowled at the door. **This is stupid.** She might be a stupid farmer's daughter, but nobody could call her a coward. If J'ackt was going to be mean to her about Imarith's flight, then he could jump /between/ and stay there. Who knew, maybe he wasn't even in their weyr. He could still be off with someone else. Her scowl deepened. Alina reached for the door and stepped into her weyr.

J'ackt looked up, his hair still damp from his bath. He rose immediately, eyes searching hers. "Are you okay?" His voice was soft
as he approached; he knew she hated flights and Zith had tried to win, but his bronze couldn't win every single time, even when he had wanted him to.

"I'm fine," she said sharply. Thankfully Stumpy came over to greet her so she could look at the canine instead of her weyrmate.

J'ackt held up his hands and backed off. "Alright, if you say so." He sighed and gestured to the bathing room. "I left your bath oils out for you and that scented soap you like."

**Flame you between,** Alina thought, but instead she just nodded, gave the canine a final pat, and hurried to the bathing room. She felt irrationally angry as she slid into the water and proceeded to scrub her skin raw to try to get the feel of someone else's hands off her body. He shouldn't be _thoughtful_. It wasn't fair of him to be _thoughtful_.

Listening to the vigorous splashes, J'ackt sighed again, wishing once again that he'd won her fecking, bloody flight. Instead of interrupting her, he called down for food and a skin of nice wine. Setting the meal up on their table, he kept an ear out for the splashing to lessen.

After a while Alina emerged, her skin pink and her hair braided back tightly from her face. She stopped when she saw the table and eyed it suspiciously. "What's this?"

He looked up, looking at the raw pink skin along her arms and his lips thinned. Was this what she did after every flight? "It's dinner."

She crossed her arms. Her stomach growled. "Why."

In the process of picking up a knife to slice the roast into pieces, J'ackt stopped with a frown. His jaw worked from side to side before he spoke. "Because I thought you might be hungry and not want to go to the Dining Hall. And because I know you don't enjoy Flights."

**What is that supposed to mean?!** Alina shifted from foot to foot, then pulled her braid over her shoulder and ran the end over her fingertips. Hopefully her hair would hide the hickey. Abruptly she crossed the room and sat across from J'ackt. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Snapping at me, or scrubbing your skin raw?" He sliced at a piece of roast, hacking at it more than cutting. Completely mangling the tender cut of meat, he finally just scooped it onto her plate, spooning gravy over it.

The gravy did little to make the meal look more appetizing. Alina narrowed her eyes at the plate. "Because Zith didn't win Imarith's flight."

"Not exactly your fault, now is it?" He slapped some meat on his plate and finally sat down in his chair. "Zith may chase as many greens as he can, doesn't men he wins even half the flights he tries to. So why is it your fault?"

"I never said that it was." She set down her fork and glared at him. "You know, the nice thing to do would be to at least _pretend_ like you're sad that Zith lost. But then, you _never_ pretend, do you."

"Then don't apologize for it." He met her glare easily, his own lips set in a frown. "Sure I do. But I can't say I'm sad, no. Irritated and frustrated, sure. But he's tried to catch her every time she's risen, Alina, and he's never caught her, so I kind of expected it." He stabbed a piece of meat with his eating knife. "And you've never had me during a mating flight, Alina. I'm not gentle about it. I don't know that you'd like me during a flight."

Her lips thinned. "You have no idea what it's like to be on the other end of _any_ flight. That's a lousy excuse for wanting to be with someone-- anyone else." It spilled out without her really making the conscious decision to say it. She'd promised to keep her feelings to herself, and she'd done her best to keep that promise. But it hurt too much when it was Imarith's flight he was talking about.

He stared at her, then slammed down his eating knife onto the table. "You think that Zith didn't win because I wanted to be with a fecking moth just because they weren't you? Feck Faranth, Alina, that's a load of whershit. I wanted to win! Bedding a moth is nothing but a sharding release and I sure as blazes don't stay with them for seconds anymore. I haven't since we weyrmated!" He pushed his plate away, rising to his feet. "If I didn't fecking want you, I wouldn't be here right now with you! You're going to have to fecking accept that neither of us can control flights!" He spun on his heel and strode out of the door, slamming it behind him.

The greenrider stared at the closed door, then threw the remains of the roast at where J'ackt's head had been with a furious shriek. It landed against the wood with a *splat* as the plate beneath it shattered and fell into thick pieces on the ground. Stumpy leaped up and hurried over to claim his prize as Alina put her head in her hands and tried not to cry.

He was gone. J'ackt said he wanted to be with her and then he'd _left_. All she'd wanted was to feel-- wanted. The flight had left her feeling used and lonely and unsettled in her skin, and he'd gone and left. Everyone always _left_. Too boring, too mean, too much, too little-- no wonder her family had tithed her to the Weyr. Imarith had made such a mistake when she'd Impressed on her. Her thoughts started to swirl.

Distantly Imarith stirred from her flight-induced sleep and sent a distressed query to her rider. }:What has happened?!:{

**I'm fine.** Alina curled her hands into fists and took a deep breath, then another. It was becoming habit to shield the worst of her emotions from her dragon. **You flew so well and I'm so proud of you. Go back to sleep.**

}:Is it because Zith did not catch me?:{

Alina grit her teeth. Clearly her dragon was poking around in her head. **No. J'ackt and I argued, that's all. And then he got angry at me and left.**

}:Why?:{

**Because he's a stupid jerk, that's why!** Alina's nails bit into her palms; she forced herself to relax. **...because I'm awful.** The last thought was almost a whisper; half-formed and so, so true.

And Imarith sent a rush of love and disbelief back so strong it was overwhelming. And then Alina did cry.

Last updated on the November 1st 2019

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