It's Not Bad to Want Things

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 27th June 2019

Characters: J'ackt, Alina
Description: Alina and J'ackt have a late night discussion about the future.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 12 of Turn 9

J'ackt

Alina

Alina lay on her side, feeling content with J'ackt's arm around her.
It was late and she knew she should be tired enough to sleep, but she
didn't quite feel like letting herself drift off just yet. Being here,
in his bed, felt... good. After a moment she whispered, "are you
asleep?"

One eye opened and he gave a murmur of acknowledgement. He'd been just
into a doze, but her voice had pulled him from slipping further into
sleep. He rubbed the bare skin of her stomach under his palm, taking
pleasure in the softness of her. "What?"

"Do you ever think about what will happen when the Pass ends?"

His reply was sleepy. "No. I'll probably be dead by then, so why think
about it?"

The greenrider elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't say that! Neither of us
are going to die," she said grumpily.

He grunted at the impact, the blow waking him completely. He grumbled
a bit, then tugged her back against him to give her elbow less room
to maneuver. "Why are you thinking about it?"

"It's just... you and me, I guess." She snuggled back against him. "I
mean... nobody knows how long the Pass will last, but it can't last
forever. It's good to think about what's next, don't you think? For
us?"

Privately he still doubted that he would live to see the end of the
Pass, and he'd never tried to think about any sort of long term
future. There were too many things and situations that made long term
plans too shifty to hang on to. He frowned. "What exactly are you
thinking about if that happens?"

"I don't know. Maybe... maybe once the Pass ends, we get a cot
somewhere. For just the two of us." She squirmed in his arms and
rolled over so that they were lying so close together that their noses
almost touched. "Somewhere on the Weyrhold so that we can steal ovines
for Imarith and Zith, and maybe with an orchard... or something. I
could make jam to trade. I'm actually all right at making jam, you
know."

One brow arched and his lip quirked just a little. "And what exactly
would I be doing while you're making jam?" His hands went from
stroking her belly to sliding up and down her bare back. He so loved
the feeling of her skin. "The stealing I can handle, I suppose."

She rolled her eyes. "You know I don't _actually_ mean stealing. Even
if we had a giant ovine farm, I don't think we could manage a flock
large enough for both our dragons. And I am _not_ into keeping that
many ovines."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "But I'm good at it." He tucked his
other arm under her neck so she could use it as a pillow. "Stealing,
hunting, fishing. I could keep us fed, I guess. But I'm not any sort
of farmer."

"You could learn. I mean, orchards aren't _that_ hard. Just some tree
trimming." She paused. "Or something else. Maybe not farming, but...
something. I still like the idea of a cot for just the two of us,
though."

Personally, he thought it sounded a bit boring. He was finding that he
missed the excitement and adrenaline of flying Thread and without it,
he felt useless. After so long of resisting being thread-fodder, he
now discovered that flying and fighting in the wings was what he
wanted to do. "You know that we'll be old then, right?" He patted her
bottom. "So, you're thinking some sort of gentle retirement?"

"I hope not. Maybe the Pass will end sooner..." she sighed. "I just
want... something to look forward to that's not just fire and char
forever."

J'ackt frowned and his hand resumed the slow stroking along her spine.
"That's a lot of long thoughts and it's a long time off." He propped
his head up on his pillow. "You think about this pretty often?"

"It's not bad to want things," Alina said quietly.

"No, it's not." He agreed. "Lots of things I want too, but I've never
been one to really think about the future. Always had to think about
here and now, that sort of thing." Perhaps he was more like his dragon
than he realized, he thought. But then he offered a warm smile. "What
else do you want in the future?"

Alina paused, then rolled over to straddle J'ackt. It gave her a bit
of a thrill and validated the whole 'greenrider on top' chatter she'd
overheard at the Weyr. "Well... what I _really_ want is to build a
life with you, and build my life around you. I want us to be on our
deathbeds-- at two hundred and fifty Turns, at _least_ -- and to be
really wrinkly and flabby and old and able to look back with no
regrets, knowing that we loved each other absolutely. And maybe I
don't get an orchard..." she ran her hands down his chest, enjoying
the feel of him under her palms. "I know it's not just what I want.
But I still get to want _something_."

His brows shot up as she straddled him, hands going immediately to her
hips as he gazed at her in appreciation. That she shifted their
positions was a surprise, but a very welcome one. She was getting more
comfortable with him and he welcomed it with a smile while his body
welcomed the change in a very predictable fashion. His skin prickled
under her palms, giving evidence to the effect her touch had on him.
"What you want is what I'll try to give you then," He murmured.

Her smile faltered. Alina was grateful for the dark as she bent to
kiss her weyrmate, giving herself time to steady herself. After a
moment she sat back again. "You never told me what you want."

He stopped trying to nudge her back towards an emerging immediate need
and his hands lightened, fingers loosing their grip as he returned the
soft kiss and stroked her skin. He frowned and peered up at her,
trying to see her expression in the dark. "I have it already." His
thumbs stroked over her hips lightly.

She smiled again, in spite of herself. "Be serious."

He sighed softly, then looked up at her, deciding to answer with
complete honesty. "I want to stop feeling that I have to look over my
shoulder every moment. I want to feel like I belong and that I'm safe.
I want to stop having nightmares. I want to be able to think about the
future without worrying about the present." His smile was humorless as
he shrugged.

Alina paused, then bent to kiss him again. Despite their very
different upbringings, that need to belong to somewhere... that's what
made them similar. She didn't belong at the Weyr and she didn't belong
in a Hold, either. She was stuck somewhere in between. "Well," she
said after a moment, "If you belong to me, I'll belong to you. And
I'll have you know, I'm really good at chasing away nightmares."

He returned the kiss tenderly, his touch gentle as he stroked his hand
along her bare spine. He sighed softly, then cupped one of her cheeks
in his hand. "I haven't had one yet since you've moved in. So, perhaps
you are. Having you in my arms at night...it makes me sleep easier."

"Told you," she said, sounding a bit smug. She turned her head to
plant a kiss on his palm. "So... are you sleepy now?"

He looked down between them, then looked back up at her. With a
wiggle, he made a point. "Does it seem like I'm sleepy?"

Alina smiled, pleased. "It never hurts to ask," she murmured.

Neither of them got much sleep that night.

Last updated on the July 22nd 2019

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It's Not Bad to Want Things