Just Tell Me

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 26th March 2019

Characters: J'ackt, Alina
Description: J'ackt is out of the Infirmary and Alina checks in - but doesn't get the welcome she'd hoped for
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 14 of Turn 9

J'ackt

Alina

~*~
Though he was still not feeling as strong as he should, J'ackt
welcomed the release from the infirmary. Sitting in his own chair, he
sighed, but didn't lean back to relax; too much pressure on his
shoulder still caused pain and the stitches still hadn't been removed.
At least, though, he could lean the other way on his good side. He
glanced down at the sling that Urlene had insisted that he leave with.
Bloody thing. But the thought of having to go back to the infirmary
because he'd pulled the stitches again was enough to make him leave it
on. One more sevenday, he hoped, and it would be gone.

He glanced around his weyr as Zith settled into the couch with a sigh
just as relieved as his rider's had been. The bronze hadn't left the
infirmary area in the time J'ackt had been within. It had taken time
for J'ackt to be able to be with Zith for any extended period of time;
he'd simply been too weak. J'ackt's brow furrowed as he examined the
dried, chewed up straps on his bed, then glanced around. There wasn't
a mess, at least, but he'd have to get Stumpy back from Alina. There
was still a question as to why she had even gotten him; shards knew
that she hadn't visited. It stung more than he wanted to admit, but he
was grateful that she had taken him in. He just didn't know why.

Moments later there was a knock at the door. When J'ackt opened it,
Alina was standing on the other side. Her eyes went wide and she
stepped forward as if to hug him, but stopped when she saw the sling.
"Thank Faranth, you're all right! I was so worried!"

He hadn't expected her when he opened the door, and he certainly
hadn't expected those words, either. He frowned, just a little, and
couldn't help but answer, "Were you?" He shook his head, "Never mind.
Come on in. Saidrene said that you took care of Stumpy. Thanks. Where
is he? "

Alina was momentarily taken aback, but she chose to ignore the dig and
followed him to his weyr. "I left him at my weyr. I thought I'd come
see how you were first before I brought him back. He misses you, but
he's... a lot. And I don't mind taking care of him for a while
longer."

His brows rose, then lowered. "Yeah, he can be. But you don't have to,
I'm sure that he was a lot for you to handle. If he chewed up
anything, I'll make sure it gets replaced." There was a long moment of
silence before the next words came with a bit of a bite of his own.
"Why did you take him anyway? Not that I don't appreciate it, but it's
not like you had a real reason to. You made things pretty clear."

The greenrider slowly sank onto the nearest chair. In her head, she'd
imagined that things would be easy. J'ackt would be happy to see her.
They'd go back to the way things were, before she'd messed them up
again. But things were never easy to J'ackt. "When I heard... when I
heard you were hurt, I got... I was so scared. I didn't know what had
happened, or if you'd even be ok, and nobody would talk or knew
anything... taking Stumpy was one thing I could do. To help you."

"I'm surprised you cared, really. Or that you even thought of Stumpy."
He held himself back from her, watching as she sat, but didn't join
her. "All you had to do was visit me in the infirmary if you wanted
to know anything or check on me. You never did. So what's the real
reason, Alina?"

"I did visit you." She stared at her hands as if they were the most
interesting thing in all of Pern. "You looked like you were going to
die. You were so out of it on fellis that you didn't make any sense.
And then every other time I went by, there were guards or someone else
was with you."

He fell quiet, his brow furrowed. Had she visited? He wracked his mind
trying to recall anything. There was something faint, but he'd been
certain it was a dream. "You did?" He slowly sat in the other chair,
leaning forward to keep pressure off of his back and shoulder. "I
thought you didn't really care or that you decided you couldn't stand
me."

"That's a bit dramatic." Alina sighed. "Look... I know that I don't...
I don't always act the way you want me to. I'm sorry. But I taught
your canine how to sit nicely, and I've swept absolute mountains of
fur out of my weyr. I didn't want him to be alone. He missed you." **I
missed you.**

"You tend towards dramatic, Alina. And no, you don't. I don't know
half the time what you want to hear from me or what you want at all."
He rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out what to do or say to her.
"Thanks for that. You didn't have to do all that for him or me." He
stared at his own hands. "What did I do wrong?"

She blinked. "You didn't do anything wrong."

J'ackt snorted. "Must have. You just went cold on me. You haven't
spoken to me in months. " He looked up at her and his lips twisted in
a bitter smile. "Guess you finally figured out that I'm not going to
be what you want, huh?"

Alina started to flick the end of her braid over her fingertips. She
couldn't quite meet his eyes. She was awful, J'ackt was right about
that, at least. "I got... I got scared. All right? I don't know what
I'm doing. I don't get how people-- do this. But then you were in the
Infirmary and I couldn't-- I was so scared you were going to die."
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she blinked them away
angrily. "You nearly _died_."

He studied her face as she spoke and though he still felt angry, he
also realized that he'd been hurt by her rejection of him. And he had
nearly died, even the Healer had said as much. He rose, running a hand
through his hair, then over his face. "What do you want from me,
Alina? I tried to be what you wanted me to be. I really did, but I
can't do it again. It took me getting hurt to get you to talk to me
again." He spun to face her, frustration apparent on his face.
"Nothing I do seems to work with you. I've never hurt you and I feel
like a fecking fool for trying to be what I thought you needed.
Faranth, loving you is fecking painful, Alina."

Her heart twisted as she stood to face him. He was right. Everything
he said was right, even the parts that hurt. But he also said he loved
her, and he wasn't drugged this time. There wasn't a thing the
greenrider could think of to say to make things better. He looked so
angry, but the memory of what he'd said in the Infirmary was fresh in
her mind and gave her the courage to step forward to kiss him.

At first, J'ackt didn't respond, but it only took a moment for him to
answer the kiss without restraint. His good hand pulled her against
him and promptly slid into her hair ti hold her steady. But it was a
singular thought that made him pull away and step back. "I won't do
this back and forth whershit again, Alina. You either want something
with me or you don't. I'm not changing for you again and I'm not going
to chase you."

She kissed him again, unsure of her voice and not knowing what to say.
Her hands shook as she grasped his tunic, careful of the sling and his
injured shoulder.

He groaned against her mouth, his body valiantly responding despite
his overall lack of strength. He couldn't help but kiss her back; he'd
wanted it for so long and wanted her. But then he felt her hands
shake and he stopped the kiss, his good hand covering one of hers.
"Stop, Alina." He looked down at her. His body wasn't ready for what
he wanted and he was sure that she wasn't ready.

The muscle along his jaw flexed as he looked down at her. "You're not
ready. I'm not. Not yet. When you can tell me that you're ready, that
you want this, we can talk. When you can touch me we without being
scared and can be seen with me without being embarrassed or
apologizing for it, then you'll be ready. I want you. Always have from
the start. But I need to know that you really want this. I need to be
sure."

"I am sure," she said. Her traitorous voice was husky with emotions
she couldn't name.

He was tempted. So, so tempted. Perhaps if he'd had his full strength,
he may have taken the offer that was laid before him. But
still...she'd hurt him. He'd embarrassed himself and it could happen
again. He studied her face. "I'm not. You prove it to me, Alina." He
stepped and turned away from her. "Look, I need to take a bath and
have Saidrene help me take off this shirt. I'm tired and the fellis
they gave me is wearing off. Just..." He ran his hand through his
hair. "You can bring Stumpy by later."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around her middle. "Fine. I'll-- see
you later." The greenrider gathered her tattered dignity and stepped
toward the door.

Just the tone of her voice wrung at him. What was it about that girl
that made him question everything? He had other women available, ones
that never troubled him half as much as she did. But they weren't her,
either. And Faranth help him, she was who he wanted. He spoke softly
through gritted teeth. "Prove it to me, Alina and I swear on Zith's
hide, you'll be the only woman for me. Show me I'm worth something to
you." Not waiting and assuming she was leaving, he stripped himself of
the sling and with a grunt of pain, hauled his shirt over his head.

There was a small hiss of breath from the door as Alina caught sight
of the bandages and mottled bruising. The greenrider's knuckles were
white where she gripped the door handle. She tore her gaze from
J'ackt's mauled shoulder to meet his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She said it like a promise, and then did as he'd asked, and left.

Last updated on the April 4th 2019

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Just Tell Me