Too Close To The Bone

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 27th August 2015

Characters: Alina, J'ackt
Description: J'ackt and Alina have a very awkward conversation.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 30 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Saidrene, Cyradis

Notes: Follows 'DCW: Masks'

Alina

J'ackt

The day after Turnover was lazy and slow. Alina slept in until well after noon, which was both surprising and irritating. Elana had met a boy from the Hold soon after her encounter with J'ackt and had insisted on staying until dawn, and when Alina relented she'd found herself in her twin's good graces again. Sleeping in was only natural, then, but it also made Alina dread the next morning when she'd have to get up with the sun again.

Yawning, she bathed quickly in the mostly-abandoned bathing chambers and was heading back to her weyr to drop off her dirty clothes when Imarith suddenly informed her that J'ackt would meet her there. **At my weyr?!** Alina paused in the hallway. It was entirely inappropriate.

}:Well, yes. I told Zith that is where you'd be,:{ Imarith informed her matter-of-factly. }:You should hurry. J'ackt is almost there.:{

Alina hurried down the passage. **Flame it! Next time ask me first!** she grumbled, then started jogging as she realized that she'd left her Turnover clothing in a pile at the foot of her bed-- including her underthings. Thankfully J'ackt wasn't waiting by her door when she arrived and she spent the next few seconds kicking her laundry beneath her bed and out of sight. There wasn't really anything else to tidy since she hadn't bothered to decorate her beige little weyr since she'd moved in. The weyrling sat on the bed and shook out her still-wet hair to re-braid it when there was a knock at the door.

}:Zith says that J'ackt is there,:{ Imarith said.

**Thanks. I got that.** She quickly twisted her hair into a knot and stuck a wooden pin into it haphazardly before going to answer the door. Surprisingly, she was nervous. J'ackt's request to see her last night was unusual and she wasn't sure what to expect.

He had been up early for his morning run, but J'ackt had taken the time to bathe and appeared to be wide awake when Alina answered the door. "Hey." It was clear that he'd ran his hands through his hair, possibly repeatedly during the morning, so it was more mussed than his usual disarray, but it was still clean. He also carried a tray of food filched from the kitchens; he had figured that Alina, like many others, had elected to sleep the morning away.

His eyes flicked to her still damp hair as he stepped in and looked around the bare weyr. He had expected a bunch of frilly, girly things inside and was surprised when he was proven to be wrong. He wondered what Alina would think of the rather risque tapestry that Saidrene had found for his own weyr. He didn't comment on the starkness of it; his own had been bare until Saidrene had taken it upon herself to decorate for him. He handed Alina the tray. "Figured you'd be hungry."

He exhaled and looked around, hooking his thumbs at his waistline before he ran his hand through his hair again. "Wanted to talk to you about something important."

"Sure," Alina retreated to her bed, leaving J'ackt to perch on the chair by her table. The tray was distracting; cheese and an apple. It was also surprisingly thoughtful, which made her wary as she bit into the fruit. J'ackt was not normally the thoughtful type. "What's going on?"

He exhaled slowly, but didn't sit right away. "Just hear me out before you throw anything or start screaming at me, okay?" He looked up at her and began pacing in a small area of the weyr. "I know you don't think it's any of my business and you're partly right, I guess. But the greens in our class are starting to rise." He ran a hand through his hair again. "Zith's already tried to catch a couple." He hadn't yet, but it would happen eventually. "And I figure, " he glanced at Alina and continued pacing, "that you've not been with anyone." He held up a hand quickly. "Before you say anything, let me finish. Look, you don't want me, I get that. And if you have been with someone, that's great too and there's nothing to worry about, but if you haven't..." He finally moved to the chair and sat, his elbows on his knees. "Look, Zith is gonna chase Imarith. He's cuddled up with her right now and shaffit, Alina, if you haven't before she rises, and he chases..." He
mussed his hair again. "I don't want to be the one who hurts you, okay?" J'ackt looked down at his feet. "I hurt a girl like that once because I didn't know what I was doing and I don't want to do that again. Especially..." He shook his head and fell silent, waiting for the explosion.

There wasn't one. Alina set down her apple, suddenly not very hungry. She felt embarrassed and angry, and very ashamed. But. "Especially what."

He sighed. "Especially not to you. It was bad enough the first time." He didn't look at her, but his lips turned downward, shoulders still stiff as he leaned his elbows on his knees. "We may not be great friends or anything, but I like your spunk. Sometimes I like that you're a bit of a bitch to me. Keeps me hopping, you know? You're not some simpering little girl." He ran his hand through his hair again. "I was hoping that this wouldn't even come up. Shards, if I thought you were interested, I'd offer." He shrugged, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to say. He finally looked up at her. "I don't want to see you hurt that way during a flight, okay? You deserve better than that."

Alina closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then another. J'ackt wasn't trying... well, he was trying, even though he had called her a bitch. That was the problem. Sometimes he was thoughtful and sweet and it would be _so_easy_. The thought of walking into her weyr and finding J'ackt waiting, his eyes lighting up as she approached... but that would never happen. "Sometimes you're so like them."

His brows furrowed. "Like who?" He shifted on his seat with a frown, then sighed, believing he knew who she was talking about. "Weyrfolk?" He shrugged. "Liking sex, sure, I guess. Can't say I don't enjoy the blazes out of it." He watched her for a moment. "And I can't say I wouldn't love to touch you and be able to show you how good it is. You're already one hell of a good kisser." He was able to give a half grin at that, but it faded as he continued. "Can't deny that I want you. And I'd try my damndest to make you enjoyed it too." His hand ran through his hair again as he tried to get back on track of the original conversation. "I guess what I'm trying to say is..." He paused and ran his hand over his face. "Shaffit!" He suddenly bit out. "I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm not good at this serious talking stuff." He rose abruptly and completely tousled his hair while trying to find the words and pacing. "I don't want to see you hurt and I want to
help...or something."

Alina watched him pace, at a loss for words. This was all so uncomfortable. He was _trying_ but just didn't get it. **But he wants you,** a little voice whispered, while another replied, **he just wants to use you.** She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She wanted to scream at him to get out. She wanted to do the opposite. "You're like them because it doesn't mean anything to you. I can't-- I'm not like them. Let's say--" she tried to stop herself but couldn't quite. "Let's just pretend I _did_ like you enough to spent a night together. You'd just sleep around with every woman that catches your eye and who cares, right? Except I would, and if you're so worried about _hurting_ me," this she spat out, suddenly angry, "then why doesn't anyone care if they hurt me, as long as it doesn't make me limp?"

"I care." He immediately protested, then sat back down. He didn't sleep around with _anyone_ who caught his eye...did he? He thought about it for a moment. He'd only ever been rejected by Cyradis and Alina. Cyradis, well,
he'd been trying to get out of going to a mindhealer, but Alina, he actually wanted her. But she wanted, he realized, someone that just wanted her and no one else and he had to admit that it wasn't something that he could do. Maybe not ever. Shards, he wouldn't want anyone stuck with just him; it wasn't as though he was a prize. He was far too screwed up for _that_. And thinking about it, he suddenly understood her anger. He hadn't been thinking about her feelings at all, just the physical hurt that she would suffer. He looked up at her, surprised. "I'm sorry." His voice was soft, but sincere. "I do care about that too, I just don't show it good."

She huffed a sigh. "I know." Everyone cared, and everyone pried into her personal life because they cared so sharding much. Even strangers. No matter how she felt about it. At least J'ackt had the decency to approach her alone instead of trying to shame her into sleeping with him in front of everyone in the dining cavern.

Rising, J'ackt cleared his throat. "Well, I said what I thought I needed to." He looked over at her and hesitated before shoving his hands in his pockets. "Hope it all works out, Alina. Really."

Alina looked up. "J'ackt?"

He stopped before heading to the door. "Yeah?"

**Thanks.** She hesitated. "You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Hope so." He gave a half-smile, the expression not meeting his eyes. "See you later."

"Bye." As she watched him leave, Alina had to wonder how big a lie she was telling, and what, exactly 'fine' meant.

Last updated on the September 1st 2015

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Too Close To The Bone