A Wall

Writers: AL, Suzee
Date Posted: 27th August 2014

Characters: Benani, Zathris
Description: Benani requests to see Zathris.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 8, day 21 of Turn 7

Benani

Zathris

His wife wanted him. The idea sent a flash of hope through his
breast. Up until then, Zathris had avoided her since that episode
where he'd caused her to scream. If anything, that had been a set
back and rather than cause more problems, he'd just remained absent.
Benani's request to see him, however, was met with an immediate answer
- his presence in her rooms. He hovered near the doorway, uncertain
as to her reaction, even if she had requested him to come to her.

"Hey." He smiled, relieved to see her, wishing he could do more than
simply see her, and for a countless time, wishing he could somehow fix
what had been broken. Although the healers were doing their best, it
was a slow process, and a very frustrating one at that.

She turned from the window with a soft smile for her husband. He'd
been very patient with her and her efforts with the mind healers had
brought her to a place where she could acknowledge her feelings for
him without it being polluted by her experience. She wasn't well by
any stretch but she was better.

She walked toward him and reached for his hands. "Thank you for coming
to see me."

"Why so formal?" It was bad enough he had been separated from her,
but to have her address him in such a manner only pounded in what that
creature had done to her. "Of course I would come to see you.
Whenever you need me, all you have to do is ask."

"I'm learning ways to cope," she smiled a little sadly. "Ways to help
me return to my life, to our life." She took a deep breath, "The
mindhealer has taught me a great deal about myself and how I was
damaged not just physically." she took his hand, finding it difficult
to stare in to his eyes, and led him to the window. "It's like the
garden," she said looking out at the snow and the hedges. "I think I'm
in the winter right now, but spring will come and the flowers will
bloom." She'd always loved her garden and she was sure Zathris knew
that. She found where she had been unable to make physical contact
with him earlier, now she didn't want to let go of his hand. Her love
for him welled up from the place where it had been cowering and showed
in her eyes. "I love you Zathris," she said.

He wanted to touch her, to hold her, gather her in his arms and
promise he'd never let anything horrible happen to her ever again. He
didn't, though, afraid that she might react as she had the last time
he'd tried to get closer to her. At least she held on to his and and
he clung to that simple gesture, his hold firm, unwilling to let go.
Even if that was all she could offer, he would savour it. Faranth,
how he'd missed even that. "I love you, Benani. That has never
changed and never will."

"Thank you," she said. "I doubted you," she turned her troubled eyes
toward him. "I shouldn't have."

"Don't ever doubt my love." Slowly, carefully, Zathris rest his hands
on her arms. At the first sign that she would pull away, get
frightened, he would put space between them but for the moment he was
soaking in every moment he could touch her have her even halfway
close. His body ached for her and he wished that she would let him do
so much more.

She nodded accepting his touch though a tendril of cold nausea seemed
to knot around her core. She'd worked on this with her mind healer and
knew she could do it. Each time would be easier. She stepped forward
just a single step but it felt like great journey. She put her arms
around his waist and her head on his shoulder. "Send her away?"

A breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding released and Zathris
relaxed, tension running out of his body like water. Carefully,
slowly, tenderly he stroked her hair and inhaled her scent. The spell
was suddenly popped by her words and he blinked down at her in
confusion. "What? Who?"

Down in that place where her nerve endings had been frayed and her
foundation threatened she still trusted Zathris even if it took her
some work to realize it. She looked up into his warm and confused
eyes. He was so handsome and caring how could any woman resist him.
How could any woman not want to be his. She'd watched since Sofeya had
pointed it out and while the red haired woman had been the soul of
propriety around her she'd caught several looks. "I like Barenziah,"
she said finally. "And I know you like her too. But I think she likes
you a little too much."

Zathris was grateful he had control over his features. The tightness
in his chest wasn't betrayed by his eyes, but rather the confusion
seemed to deepen. "But...why would we need to send her away for
something like that? Did she do something wrong? Has she treated you
with disrespect?"

"No," Benani shook her head. "But there are rumors." Her face showed
her worry as she thought about her niece and all they were going
through in Green Valley.

"Rumours? About Barenziah?" Zathris frowned, concern now colouring
his features. "What sort of rumours?"

Under normal circumstances Benani would have made arrangements for an
eligible woman like Barenziah but these were far from normal
circumstances. It felt like she hadn't thought about matchmaking in so
very long she wasn't quite sure where to begin. "The way she looks at
you," she knew it was thin but that was all it took to start rumors in
a hold. "And they all know you aren't... that we aren't. I'm sorry..."
she trailed off and turned out of his arms stepping back to the
window.

"Hey." Zathris took a step forward but didn't try to touch her again.
He wanted to, oh shards how he wanted to slide his arms around her.
Although that desire permeated his being, he refrained and kept a
little distance between them. "Don't be sorry. You know rumours are
rumours and you have to ignore them. We've been through rumours
before. They'll fade like all the others did." He was glad the
rumours didn't say anything else, but shards, why couldn't people busy
themselves with their own lives? Benani had enough to deal with.

"I wish it was spring," she said looking down into the garden as she
had for days. "I'm so tired of the winter." She didn't flinch away
again when he stepped toward her. Her hand dropped to her abdomen as
she felt the faint stirrings inside. She turned her head to look at
him with vulnerable eyes. "I can only handle so much right now
Zathris. I'm trying, I hope you know that. I can't handle this too."

"The baby? Or the rumours? If the rumours, they're just rumours -
and you should ignore them." Zathris was going to have to make it
known that if anyone was caught spreading rumours around the Lady
Holder, well, they'd be dealt with severely. "If the baby...if you
don't want to keep the child, Benani, we can foster the babe." If that
child was_his_ then he couldn't fault her in the least. Would he
want the child if it was that monster's? Would he be able to keep
from blaming someone who was completely blameless?

"You're repeating yourself Zathris," she said with a soft sad smile
and reached for his hand. It was easier to do the second time around.
"They tell me the real timing of this baby means it could be yours.
It's not certain to be his, I'm too far along. I don't know if they'd
told you that." She'd felt a great load lift off her shoulders when
they'd informed her. "I'll have enough love for this little one. I
just know it. None of this is the baby's fault," Her eyes went back to
the garden, "Maybe if there were a wall..." **then we'd be safe.**

There was great relief on Zathris' part. Although he would never blame
the baby, he had to admit that he wanted the child to be his, not that
man's. It would always be a reminder of what had happened, especially
for her and what she had to endure. If the chance that the child was
his was greater...well, it was definitely a positive thing. "A wall."
Zathris' gaze turned toward the window. It offered a lovely view of the
garden which boasted white and blue flowers that only bloomed during the
winter. "A wall. Then a wall you shall have."

Last updated on the September 17th 2014

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

A Wall