Twists and Turns

Writers: Chelle, Suzee
Date Posted: 7th August 2014

Characters: Y'gel, Rhosyn
Description: Surprisingly she comes to tell him about her problems.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 8, day 13 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Solieira, Gelira, Reeva

Y'gel

After learning that there was an issue she'd never suspected and
realizing just what had happened and what she'd done, Rhosyn decided
to take some of her own advice and get things back to normal. She
couldn't fix it overnight, but she could take steps. The first one was
going to be seeing a certain dragonhealer.

So the Weyrwoman trooped herself down there and was glad to see Y'gel
in his office. Things had been rocky, to say the least, and
communication had been mainly through reports. That was going to stop.
Characteristic of Rhosyn, she went to the door, found it open, walked
right through, and shut it. "Y'gel, we need to talk." Her face wasn't
angry nor was it the usual grumpy bloat that it had been. If he looked
closely, he would tell that in the time he hadn't seen her she had
lost weight.

"Rhosyn," he said pushing away the hide he'd been working on and
setting down the quill. "You're looking well." He nodded toward one of
the chairs. "How are you feeling?"

Biting her lower lip, she tried to decide how much to tell him. He was a
healer, after all, albeit not a human one. Could she trust him? Despite
everything, her answer was yes. After all, she had given the man her
daughter. "What is said in this room right now doesn't leave it." She
didn't sit, but stayed there, almost like a caged animal. She was
fearful of his response to the news and she almost wished she didn't
have to do this. She had to get better, though, and she couldn't do it
alone. Hazel eyes sought his acquiescence before she continued.

He wasn't really that kind of healer but he knew how to be a friend.
"Of course," he said with his eyebrows pulling together. "Now, sit
down and tell me what's going on."

Sitting was a slow process, but she finally managed it, but she was on the
edge of her seat anyway. "I...Reeva's been talking to me. She's given
me some things to help with the sleeping and all but never really told
me what was going on and why she wanted to talk to me other than that.
I've asked around and I think I know." Her voice pitch went up just a
bit and got shaky. "They say sometimes after having a baby...a woman
can act the opposite of what she's supposed to be and it causes
problems." She didn't go any further, hoping he knew what she was
talking about.

Y'gel could tell this whole conversation was as difficult for her as
it was for him. He _was_ familiar with what she was talking about but
he also knew he wasn't the right one to give her advice about it. The
problem wasn't something he'd ever dealt with in Dragons. "Have you
talked to Reeva about it yet?"

"We have regular appointments, but she was just asking questions and
talking about things. I didn't know...it was that. Maybe she wanted to
be sure. I don't know." Fidgeting, Rhosyn was so unsure about all of it
and she didn't like being in that position. "I've felt like such a
different person lately. I thought it was just everything that
happened." Still getting used to the idea, the goldrider wanted it to
be something else. "I've been so angry at everyone." She wasn't going
to apologize for the things she'd said because they had been her true
feelings, but she might have said them in a different way. "I don't
want to be like Traelyn." And that was her greatest fear and it was
out there on the table and all she could do was try not to think about it.

Personally he knew how angry she'd been at him about his daughter but
hadn't chalked it up to this. He leaned forward with his elbows on
his desk. His wary wall of professionalism dropping to reveal his
concern. "You're not Traelyn," he said softly trying to look her in
the eyes. "And you know that recognizing you have a problem is half
the battle right? From that you can learn to adjust and work through it."

"Everyone is depending upon me. I can't fail them, but I feel like
everything is wrong. And I don't even want to see my own daughter."
Her face held a look of incredulity. "I knew I would be a bad mother,
but not this. No one can know, though. I don't want them to send me
away. I don't want the rest of Pern to think I can't handle things."
She sighed, so afraid. This was the first time in her life she had
ever not known herself.
Besides Reeva there had been no one to talk to and sometimes she just
wanted to be held.

"Traelyn refused to see the mind healer until they forced her Rhosyn.
If you're having this much trouble. you need to see one. Right?" He
nodded trying to encourage her but knew he didn't have the skills to
help her through this or even to advise her properly. A gold without a
rider in control was a very dangerous thing.

"That's what Reeva is for. She didn't specialize but she has enough
training. And anyway, I wouldn't speak to anyone else. She knows me
and can pick out the normal from the unnatural." A wry smile showed up
then. "Since I'm not normal on a good day. Listen, I'm going to work
this out. I have to. I just...wanted you to know so there was someone
I could talk to and maybe so that someone could tell me if I'm going
too far."

He was careful with his next words. Though knowing he was on dangerous
ground and out of favor at the moment made him just a bit puzzled as
to why she'd chosen him to share this information. She'd kept him at
arms length since he'd taken Gelira for her chance at the gold egg.
"You've made no secret that you're angry with me. So, why me?"

"Just because I don't agree with what you do sometimes doesn't mean I
am never going to speak to you again. There are probably times you
don't agree with what I do either." Her head tilted and she wondered
if it was worth sharing. Then she decided it was. "Gelira wanted to
leave. She made her choice, even though I don't know if it was the
right one. Now that she's Impressed, she's stuck at Dragonsfall until
she is old enough to transfer. She is pregnant, alone, and somewhere she doesn't
know. That is not what I wanted for her. Ever. She has her dragon
but..." Rhosyn knew exactly what that felt like. "Even though I would
have been disappointed, I would have let her go if she had asked. Even
though I was depending upon her to help me. That left me alone,
without help, during my own pregnancy. Perhaps now she understands
just how difficult it was. As for you-if you had asked the entire
thing would have been avoided but you seemed to think she had which
she didn't. So you were just misinformed."

"So as we spoke about before, as long as someone asks beforehand
things like this can be avoided. Yes candidates are not like riders.
They don't have to have approved transfers. But we have to know how
many we have so that we have the right amount of people on the Sands.
We can't be expecting to have sixty candidates out there and then have
ten of them leave without permission the day before without knowing.
So going forward I just think it makes sense if all candidates go
through Solieira for permission before leaving. That's something
she'll tell them of course." She thought that sounded reasonable. And
it was something that should have been done long ago.

"Why did you take this so personally? Do you think I'm such a bad
parent that I wouldn't have taken all of that into consideration? You
aren't her mother Rhosyn. As you said, she didn't need your permission
to go. So, the only thing I didn't make part of my decision to help
her go was how it would effect you." He sat back with an impassive
look. "She is _my_ daughter Rhosyn. And that is my grandchild. I
understand your concern but you aren't the only one who cares about
Gelira. Let it go."

"No I am not her mother." She stood up, deciding this conversation was
over. "But I know what it feels like to be alone and afraid and not knowing
what to do because you feel like you're trapped and there's no other
choice. I know how hard it is to be stuck in a body you don't
recognize, thinking if you die you would be gone and so would your
dragon. And I know what it feels like not to have anyone to tell that
to." She turned her back on him and walked out, thinking maybe it
wasn't the best decision to try and speak to him about all of this in
the first place.

He shook his head and covered his eyes with one hand. He knew that if
Gelira felt any of that she would have called him. She'd sent her flit
for him more than once but that didn't seem to figure into Rhosyn's
view of the world. **Well if she's going to walk out any time the
conversation gets uncomfortable, its going to take us a long time to
get back to friends.**

He went back to his report

Last updated on the August 17th 2014

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Twists and Turns