The Weyrwoman's Advice

Writers: Heather, Suzee
Date Posted: 7th March 2014

Characters: Jeyme, Cyradis
Description: A young greenrider goes to her wise Weyrwoman for advice.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 23 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: D'hol, N'vanik, K'deren

Jeyme

Cyradis

Jeyme felt stunned as she walked out of the infirmary. She had
noticed, casually, that her period was late and a trip to visit the
healers had confirmed that she was pregnant. Becoming pregnant again
had been Jeyme's want and hope ever since her miscarriage. But now her
pregnancy came at the worst possible time.

D'hol was still giving her the cold shoulder, she couldn't remember
the last time that they had spoken more than a sentence to each other.
That, she thought, she might be able to deal with but a bigger worry
plagued her. With the timing of the pregnancy, and the timing of her
mating flight, she wasn't completely sure if she was pregnant with
D'hol's baby... or N'vanik's.

**It has to be D'hol's.** She told herself as she walked numbly, not
really heading anywhere in particular. How was she suppose to tell
him? He barely looked at her. There was also the very real fear that
he would just shrug it off, or turn his back on her, as he had been
doing often lately.

Maybe she should go talk to N'vanik? No, he might not even care
either. She didn't know how he would feel about possibly being a
father to her baby. Briefly she wondered if she should just go with
Quinneth for a long trip /between/? No, she couldn't do that, it just
wasn't in her.

When she looked up she found herself in front of Cyradis's weyr door,
and before she could overthink the decision, she knocked on the
Weyrwoman's door.

Cyradis had taken a rare afternoon off and just finished a refreshing
nap when she heard someone at her door. So padding across the room
without shoes she opened it and her eyebrows twitched. "Jeyme?" But
her innate instincts told her something was 'off' with the greenrider.

So, she stepped back inviting her in. "Are you alright?"

Jeyme had always tried to keep a strong face in front of Cyradis but
at the inquiry her face crumpled and little sob escaped, "I'm sorry, I
didn't know where else to go."

"Don't worry," Cyradis said and put an arm around her waist to pull
her toward the couch. Personally, she felt whatever was wrong would
have something to do with D'hol and his sharding attitude. "Why don't
you tell me about it."

The greenrider followed, sitting down on the couch beside of Cyradis,
"I don't even know... know where to start." She sighed as she used her
sleeve to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She supposed the only place
to start was at the beginning, "D'hol came straight from Panitath's
flight and he was.... so rough, and angry."

"I'm sorry Jeyme," she rubbed her hand up and down the young woman's
back. "The flight ended with a surprise... he was almost Weyrleader.
Did he tell you that?"

Jeyme brought her eyes up to Cyradis, "He did, but I also know that
not becoming Weyrleader was not the reason he had to be drug out of
the weyr, Cyradis. It was you."

Cyradis closed her eyes and her shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry Jeyme,"
she said. "I love K'deren," she added simply. "You know that right?"

"I know," she said, her words watery, "he didn't act even half as
upset when N'vanik won my flight." Once again her words started
wobbling and a fresh wave of tears came pouring out.

"I know you know this, but everything is intensified in a gold flight
and especially in one where he was actually chosen and then robbed.
Loseth was sneaky this time. I'm sure that emotion had something to do
with whatever happened." She reached for Jeyme's hand. "Do you want to
tell me what happened?"

"After... After he was finished I asked him why he had been so angry.
He said it was because Loseth had stolen what was his. I told him that
he shouldn't be mad at Loseth. A female may choose but it's the dragon
who catches her. That's the whole point." Jeyme shrugged, her face red
from crying as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"He got mad and said that he knew I was relieved that he didn't get
what he wanted." She licked her lips, "I told him I would have been
happy for him to be Weyrleader but when it came to you, yes, I was
relieved he lost....."

Jeyme shook her head as she reflected on the next part, "I was just so
mad that he would come to me that way after a flight, make me a
surrogate for you, and then throw it in my face.... I told him if he
hurried he could get down in the flight rooms for N'vanik's
leftovers... Again."

Cyradis bit her lips but couldn't help the chuckle. "Oh Jeyme," she
said after a moment. "You really have to rein in your temper with
him." She shook her head. "He doesn't have a no escalation button.
Combine that with the gold flight and he was a volcano about to
erupt... you just helped him get there faster."

Her own past experience with the bronzerider had taught her that when
it came to sheer anger, he'd top the list every time. Getting angry
with him just made for more trouble. Besides that, she knew there was
a certain justification to the way Jeyme felt about her but she really
wasn't a threat to the girl. But she was young and real or imagined...
she felt threatened.

"Look at me," she said turning toward the younger woman. "And please
try to believe me. I am no threat to you with D'hol other than what is
in his own mind. I love K'deren, I want to be with K'deren and I'm the
kind of woman who really only loves one man at a time. It used to be
D'hol but that was many turns ago and he _left_. I'm not looking
backwards I'm going forward with one of the best men I've ever known."

"I've offered D'hol my friendship because I do care about him, but
that is all." She didn't add that a flight was the only way into her
furs for the bronzerider and she was sure he knew it.

"It's not you that's threatening... It's ... " she tried to think of
how to explain it, "it's that you have cas such a shadow that I'll
never be able to compare with the way he feels about you. He's not
over you, not really and I don't think he ever will be not when he's
counting down the days to Panitath's flight and his next opportunity
to be in your furs. He would have been just as angry and explosive had
you rode a green."

Jeyme sighed and shook her head, "Anyway, there's all that. He hasn't
really spoken to me since then. Whenever I try he just turns his back
on me.... And then I found out today that I am pregnant."

"Oh my," Cyradis replied. "Well obviously I have questions but first
I'm sorry for my part in what you're going through," she said. Though
privately she was happy with the direction her flight had taken, and
just a bit thankful for sneaky Loseth.

"Jeyme, please forgive me for putting it this way but you're young."
She smiled to try and take some of the sting out of her words. "You're
going to love more than one person in your life and there comes a bit
of perspective with that. I don't mean to sound pompous but people
leave parts of their hearts with every person they love. You can carve
your own piece out of D'hol. I know that he loves you, he told me so
himself. So no matter what he might still feel for me, it doesn't
really change how he feels about you. It isn't one or the other unless
_you_ make it that way."

"If you throw it in his face, of course he'll get angry. You're not
going to change him. You can't change other people or demand what
they're unwilling or unable to give. You can only take what they have
to give. Cherish it... make it work. As for the baby, you have to tell
him and the sooner the better."

"I know, but I think it's easier for you to have that perspective
being on your end of this. You are not watching K'deren salivate over
anyone else." Jeyme shook her head, "I could accept that he _loved_
you but he doesn't he _loves_ you in the present tense. He promised
me, even if there was no K'deren in the picture that he would never
choose you, only in flight."

She looked down at her fingers, "And then I threw it up in his face
that he'd lost his weyrmate and Weyrleadership to N'vanik. I am not
even sure how to apologize for that."

"You don't think I understand where you are, but I do. That is exactly
how my last weyrmate left me Jeyme." She looked at her own hands for a
moment. Was she trying to somehow justify things? "As for the words, I
doubt you can," she said. "Once you say something, you can never stuff
it back in your mouth. It is there between you forever. No amount of
apologizing will ever mend the fact that you meant to hurt him at the
time you said it. He may even forgive you but he won't forget. D'hol
isn't easy Jeyme. He'll always be difficult but you do have to take
him at his word. He does keep his word." No matter how much she'd
cared for him at one time. There was no way she could fool herself
into believing he was anything like the man she had once loved. That
man was gone and she was sad for it.

Jeyme studied the Weyrwoman for a long moment, "I would like for us to
be friends, Cyradis, no matter if my weyrmate is a wherry's ass
sometimes." She grinned a little. Faranth he could be so difficult
that she wanted to scream, but it only took him giving her a look and
she was putty in his hands all over again. She didn't know how she
would ever make things right after the barb she had thrown, but she
did have to tell him she was pregnant. D'hol would be the first to
know, as her weyrmate he deserved that.

"I would like that too Jeyme. Well... except when I'm the wingleader,
you know..." She waived her hand in the air over all the permutations
of rank. "I'm glad you were able to conceive again so quickly."

"Of course, Wingleader," she winked, "and so am I, it's a surprise
actually. I had been drinking my teas like a good little greenrider up
until that stint where I stayed with S'avn for a few days, and then I
got out of the routine of taking them and Quinneth rose." Jeyme
sighed, "Let us both hope this child comes out with a very strong
resemblance to D'hol and not N'vanik."

"Yes indeed," Cyradis agreed.

Last updated on the March 13th 2014

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