Trouble In Paradise Pt 1 of 2

Writers: Clancey, Emma
Date Posted: 29th January 2014

Characters: K'reyel, Mai
Description: Mai reacts to K'reyel not coming home after the gold flight.. and not in a good way...
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 4, day 22 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Lenala; Part 1 of 2

K'reyel

She knew, of course. She always knew when Golds rose, as any long-term
resident of the Weyr would know. She had even lived through K'reyel
winning gold flights prior to today.

She had never lived through him not coming home.

Candlemarks had passed, and continued to pass. Mayel was fussy, probably
because she was pacing like an agitated feline, and that made her even more
aggravated.

She had finally put him down about half a candlemark ago and was curled up
in a tight ball on K'reyel's side of their bed. His smell was everywhere and
she drank it in as if it would replace him.

He should be _here_. Not there. Or wherever he was.

He had never... never... not come home to her before now. Not one single
time.

Of course she knew what it meant. He had stayed for another round, or more,
with Lenala. She had known who's gold, of course. Everyone did. And her
little bronze flit was fascinated by his larger cousins. He had sent her
pictures of the hides shining and the males chasing after Lenala's queen,
especially Erdenth, who he thought of as "his", just as he thought of
K'reyel and Mai.

She thought through the last months and could not find one single thing that
would make her weyrmate unhappy. She was always here for him, they still
found plenty of time to spend in the furs, and he seemed as happy as ever to
be in her bed. Or to have her in his bed, more precisely. She still
looked young and kept herself in good shape and thought she was moderately
pretty. Nothing like lush Lenala...but pretty enough.

They rarely fought and always made up. She had given him a son.

They were in true, amazing, deep love.

She thought.

Being the daughter of a goldrider taught you many things. It never
bothered her when K'reyel won flights, even gold ones. It was part of life
with a dragonrider and one she was more than used to by this time of her
life.

But part of the reason it never bothered her was that he _always_ came home.

_Always_.

She would not cry. The daughter of _her_ mother would never cry. But oh,
it hurt.

And he still wasn't home.

"Mai," the bronzerider called out her name, as he entered their weyr. He
knew, this was not going to be easy.

She heard him come in and call to her but said nothing at first. Partially
because Mayel was almost 3 turns old now and was old enough to ask questions
and be upset by his parents arguing, especially when they did not do it
often, and partially because she didn't know what to say.

He would not find her the way she was, curled up in misery.

She was wearing loose pants and a simple undershirt that did little to hide
the curves that being a Mother had given her, but it was clear she was in
pain. Her eyes were large and dark with the tears she refused to shed,
turning the blue to something more gray and smoky.

She went out to meet him. This discussion would not take place in their
bedroom.

Arms crossed, she looked at him. His familiar, precious face. She loved
him to distraction.

"Well, I'm glad you remembered where home was, anyway. Thats good." She
wasn't loud, or sharp, but definitely pointed. "Congratulations are in
order for you and Erdenth, I gather." She added, and now the pain showed.

"Erdenth would thank you if he wasn't asleep." Those weren't the words he
really wanted to say, he wasn't sure how he could explain getting caught up
in the moment. And what would probably be a moment of madness that he might
regret over the months to come.

"I'm sorry," words, and lousy ones at that. "I could have come back
earlier."

Her frown deepened and the hurt in her heart spiked even further, if that
was possible.

"Could? You COULD have come home? don't you think you _should_ have come
home? Never mind if you could." Her voice sharpened and raised in volume
before she got it back under control. She definitely did not want to wake
Mayel. She took a step toward him, and then back away. She struggled for
an even temper. "K'reyel. Why didn't you come home? Is home so terrible a
place to be?" She had never been one for beating around the bush, and she
wanted to know why he had not come home as he always had.

"It's not that," he studied her for a moment, realising quite how upset his
actions had made her. He'd never seen her this way, this much anger clearly
running through her veins. "The dragonlust, it was, it felt more compelling
this time."

"Try again, K'reyel. Erdenth has caught golds before today. In fact, he
caught a gold the day Mayel was born. You were Weyrleader after that
Flight and you still _came home_. " It was anger, but not. She was hurt
and concerned more than any other emotion. It had taken her months, turns
really, to trust him. Her trust was badly shaken, though he had never
given her reason to doubt him before today. Maybe it was herself she
doubted.

She turned away from him. "Whatever your reason, I'm sleeping on the couch
tonight. You _chose_ to stay. Don't tell me any different, because I'll
never believe it. I know better. I could not be Yvonnes' daughter and
not know better. I know it's a Weyr and you'll sleep with other people
besides me, but generally not by your own choice. You made a choice, and
broke a promise to me. Your choices affect us both. Not just you." She
finished softly, almost as if she was tired, but it was confusion, and pain
that softened her voice, where anger would have sharpened it.

K'reyel stared for a moment at her pronouncement, feeling like there was no
way he could explain his choice. For once, he just fely like doing something
out of character. lately, well he and Mai had to be so careful. Carrying
Mayel had nearly killed her and they healers had advised them not to try for
another child in case it happened again.

"Mai, please don't, talk to me, please," he began. "Let me try to explain."

Because she loved him and it pained her to be angry at him, she stopped and
looked at him again.

She didn't really know how to act, or what to say. Their relationship
should easily bear strain, as deeply as they loved one another. But her ...
she wasn't sure what it was.. pride? trust? belief in herself?... had been
injured and that required some sort of response, not just blind forgiveness.

"Try, K'reyel. Try hard." Her eyes were wide and dark with the
incredible range of emotions she was feeling, but her body unclosed, arms
loosening, and her face softening. She would listen. For a moment.

"After the healers said we had to be careful to not concieve, well,
sometimes I've felt like I've had to hang back, just in case, like it wasn't
safe."

She stared at him for a long moment, not sure what to say. "K'reyel ... "
It hurt her. Why would he think he had to do that? "Mayel is almost 3
turns old. I'm fine. And I drink the tea." Sadness erased all the
anger, much of the pain. "You should have said something to me... " He
couldn't just decide "for" her. Her voice dropped into a quiet whisper. "Do
you want to spend the rest of our lives together being careful? And when
you don't want to be careful, you'll find someone else? How can we live like
that? How can I?" She shook her head. It was not good enough. She was
not good enough.

"Mai," he started, his words uncertain as he started to speak. "I was just
worried that you might decide for me. That you might stop taking the tea, or
miss a day or two and we'd have an accident. And I was worried that if I
said something you'd think that I was trying to tell you I don't love you
anymore." He took a step closer, "Please, please understand that I do love
you, and Mayel, you're my world."

She froze in place, listening, as she had promised. "I would never make a
decision like that without talking to you first. I'm sorry you think that
I would do such a thing. I love you too, K'reyel. So very much. You and
Mayel are my life. I want that to be enough... But how can we spend the
rest of our lives together if you don't trust me and when you feel the need
to 'not' be careful, you get in bed with someone else?" She took her own
step toward him, but didn't reach for him. "K'reyel, sometimes I don't
want to be careful either. When we are together, I am beyond happy. But I
don't want you to feel like I'm breakable or that I would ever put myself at
risk like that again... " She looked at him, drinking in the sight of him,
and trying very hard not to think about his hands, and his lips, and where
they had just been.

"But you have to know that there might someday be an accident, no matter how
well I take the tea. Unless you stop sharing my bed altogether. We either
have to deal with that and move on... or... " she put her hands up. She
would not finish that sentence.

"I can't leave you. but we've never talked about what we'd do if that
accident happened."

Last updated on the February 8th 2014

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Trouble In Paradise Pt 1 of 2