Better For All of Us
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Miriah
Date Posted: 23rd January 2014
Characters: Bahji
Description: Bahji makes an important decision.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 5, day 6 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: E'rae, U'das
Bahji paced in her room, counting her steps along with the slight thump of her cane while Burst watched her with growing concern. His pet was feeling a mixture of anger and frustration and try as he might, Burst simply could not understand it. There was also a measure of sadness and uncertainty in her mind and the mingled emotions were nearly overwhelming for the young flit.
He gave a soft croon, his talons kneading her pillow and Bahji stopped, taking a deep breath. She closed her eyes, rubbed them and spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Burst. I'm just..there's so much going on in my mind right now." The little bronze tilted his head to the side sending a picture of E'rae to her with a questioning. Bahji frowned and moved to sit on her bed before nodding slowly. The little bronze moved to curl up into her lap and stared up at Bahji with another croon.
She immediately stroked his neck, but had to wipe away a tear with the other. "I just don't understand why he can make me feel like this. I thought that he would like the fact that I'm adjusting to Weyr life. I thought he would like the fact that I wanted him so much that I was willing to risk someone else grabbing me just so I could be with him again." She scrubbed at her eyes viciously. "It's just not working, Burst. He made me feel awful for being there. He treats me like I'm weak. And I'm not! I've tried so hard to take care of myself but all he seems to do is treat me like I'm some delicate piece of crystal that will shatter if I'm touched the wrong way. I don't want to be treated like I'm at a Hold anymore. They did that at home. They made me think that just because I couldn't see that there was something weak or wrong about me."
Burst nudged at her hand, rubbing against her sensitive fingers with his chin. Sending feelings of comfort and adoration towards her, the flit did his best to try to comfort his rambling pet. Bahji smiled towards him and sniffled. "I felt like what I did was wrong. He made me feel like I was wrong. I felt ashamed, even though it felt so wonderful. It was better than anything we had done before. I...I really liked it." She sucked in her lower lip as she stroked Burst's soft hide. "Was it so bad to like it? It wasn't gentle. It wasn't slow but I liked it. Why didn't he do that before? Was I just not good enough?"
Bahji sighed and shook her head, lifting Burst up into her arms to cuddle him. "Maybe it's just something dragonriders can understand. Maybe there's a reason that riders tend to stick with their own. I mean riders weyrmate with other riders, not crafters. Not...not people like me." She chewed on her lower lip, wincing as her teeth caught the skin. "Maybe I should stick to my own too." But the sad fact was she really didn't have her own type of people. The only other person she knew of that was losing sight was U'das, and he was another rider. As much as she adored the older man as a friend, he was still in another class of people entirely.
She pressed the little bronze against her cheek, soaking up his warmth. "I have to let him go, Burst. He's something I'm not and I don't want to feel ashamed like that again. I don't want to feel embarrassed like that again." She took a deep breath and closed her sightless eyes. "Get comfortable, Burst, and don't go back to E'rae's weyr. This is where you sleep."
There was a questioning from Burst and another head tilt. Bahji shook her head in answer. "No, we're not going back there. I'll make you a ledge right in here on your own shelf. I'll even put a few pillows and scraps up in it for you to cuddle with." Burst eyed her, looking uncertain.
It took effort for her not to let her expression crumple and she took a shaking breath. "It's okay. We'll be okay. And he will be too. It's not as though...it's not as though he loves me. And he'll be free of feeling like I'm a duty. It's for the best. For all of us. After I stop showing up at his weyr, he'll feel free and move on. Maybe I should too. "It'll..it'll just take some time, that's all."
Last updated on the January 28th 2014