What Path Should I Take?

Writers: Miriah
Date Posted: 13th November 2013

Characters: Bahji, Bartona
Description: Bahji and her mother talk after Bahji goes back to her rooms.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 4, day 10 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: E'rae

Moving back into her little room was both welcoming and depressing.
She was glad to be out of the infirmary, even though she was on
crutches, but it seemed so quiet now. Bahji had become used to the
bustle and smells of the infirmary. Burst, now always nearby, left her
shoulder to immediately sniff around the room, the suspicion from the
little bronze palpable. She gave an understanding, yet sad smile. "I
don't think anything?s here that will hurt me, Burst."

The little bronze sniffed again and gave a huff as he insistently
examined everything, from the water vessel to the gathering dust
bunnies under the bed. Finally satisfied that his pet was not in
immediate danger, he settled himself on her pillow, chirruping with
smug affirmation that he had sufficiently tested the room. Bahji
sighed and settled down on the side of the bed, waiting for the soft
footfalls behind her.

"It's not a bad room." Bartona's voice was approving. "And there are
plenty of people around you. I'm surprised though. I would have
thought you'd go to your bluerider's weyr." There was no hiding the
slight questioning in her mother's voice.

Bahji shook her head. "No. It's not on ground level and I'd not be
able to make it up the stairs, Mother." She bit her lip. Most likely
she would not be making the trip up to E'rae's weyr for a good long
while. At this moment, she didn't even want to think about sharing a
bed.

There was a soft pause and the bed shifted as Bartona sat beside her.
Her arm went around her daughter's shoulder. "You know, I lost three
little ones, Bahji. It's never easy. But sometimes it's even harder on
the men. They don't show things like we do most of the time. Your
bluerider seems to be a stoic sort."

Bahji sucked in her lower lip and leaned against her mother. "That's
just it, Mother. He's not mine. Not really. I know he cares, in his
own way. I know this bothers him and has hurt him. And I know E'rae
worries about my safety. But it's more of a duty to him; it's not out
of any deep emotion other than of friendship. He's not in love with me
or anything similar." Her shoulders slumped.

Her mother sighed and rubbed her back. "Sometimes that's enough,
Bahji. Sometimes duty is what a man gives."

"But what if it's not? What if...what if I want more than just a sense
of duty?" She frowned. "Mother, E'rae's the only man that I..well...you
know." She heard her mother chuckle.

"I had figured that." Her mother fell quiet. "You're wondering if
there is more. If there are other possibilities. If someone could
offer you more than just a shared bed."

Bahji flushed. "I guess I'm obvious, aren't I?"

"No, child. It's something that most women wonder at one time or another."

Surprised, Bahji blinked and turned towards her mother. "Even you?"

There was a sigh. "Yes, Bahji. Even me. I love your father, sweet. I
truly do. But it doesn't mean I haven't wondered. But I never broke my
vows to him." She placed a hand on Bahji's cheek. "And if you had wed,
I would not say this to you, but you have made no vows to anyone.
You're not bound to anyone. You can choose who you want and who you
will."

Bahji sat, surprised. "You don't think poorly of me?"

"For what? Being human? No." Bartona sighed. "You have a different
life than me. But not a bad one. You have good friends and I think
that it's best that you be here, where you are accepted and not
thought less of because of something you can't help. I love you and
you're my only child, Bahji, but I don't want you where you aren't
happy. You'd never be truly happy in a hold. This is the life for you
and I think we both know it. It wasn't what I envisioned when you were
born," she admitted, "but then again, nothing ever is what we think it
will be."

Resting her head against her mother's shoulder, Bahji nestled close,
as she had when she was just a child. "What do you think I should do?"

Bartona was quiet for a long moment. "Bahji, you're old enough to
decide for yourself and I don't know enough about Weyrlife to advise
you." She kissed her daughter's brow lightly and hugged her close.
"All I can suggest is that you do what you feel is the best for you."

Last updated on the November 21st 2013

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

What Path Should I Take?