Knock Out Drag Out

Writers: Devin, Chelle
Date Posted: 14th July 2013

Characters: Rhosyn, N'vanik
Description: N'vanik comes to see Rhosyn after she speaks with Reeva.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 2, day 25 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: K'sedel, Reeva, Cyradis, Solieira; Follows Fears Confirmed

N'vanik

N'vanik made his way through the crowd, his stomach tight with fear.

}:What's wrong?:{

**I have to talk to Rhosyn. Cyradis thinks she might be pregnant and I
... I have to know.** He ignored everything around him until he reached her weyr.

Orlaith was somewhere with Nikornath, happy after the Hatching, though she
was listening in on Rhosyn from time to time. The Weyrwoman had gotten out
of that too-tight dress with Solieira's help and was now sitting on her bed, trying
to get the world to stop wobbling after Reeva had told her what she thought.

N'vanik barely restrained himself from pounding on the door. He
clenched his fist for a moment before reaching up and managing a
reasonable knock. "Rhosyn?" His voice held a slight waver. If she
tried to keep him out this time, he'd find a way in even if he had to
shove Orlaith out of the way.

That was one voice she hadn't expected to hear, especially after so long.
Just thinking about the last time he had come here to her weyr, she felt tears
coming down her face. He hadn't come back. He had told her to leave. As the
situation came crashing down, she tried to keep her voice steady before answering,
"Aye?"

"Can I come in?" His body tensed, waiting for her refusal. He felt
like he could explode with rage or break into a million pieces.

}:I'm here and I love you,:{ Loseth said, disturbed by his rider's emotions.

"Okay." The answer was soft, without her usual fire. The truth was she
didn't know what to do. This was something she had never thought about, had never
prepared for. In her mind, she was thinking over all of it and it still wasn't
making sense. And words remembered... Then there were images of hands and lips... Sitting
on the bed, she was very still.

N'vanik stepped inside, his stomach fluttering. For a long moment, all
he could do was look at her. The words wouldn't come out. Finally he
swallowed and said, "Rhosyn ... is it mine? I have to know." His voice
rose a little, strained with fear.

"I don't know. It could be. But then, it could be K'sedel's. I'll have to...
go see the dolphins or something I guess to know how far." She didn't
know anything about this sort of thing. She'd never been a mother-never
had a child. Her eyes were clouded with confusion and worry and perhaps
even a little bit of fear. What if she messed this up?

Did that mean she'd keep it if it was K'sedel's? He stepped closer,
the knot in his stomach getting tighter. "Don't get rid of it, not
because of me. I know I don't matter much to you, but this... please
think about it."

At that moment, he had said the very wrong thing. And a highly emotional
pregnant woman didn't take it very well. Of course Rhosyn on a good day
wasn't anything less than blunt but now she rose from the bed and actually stalked
toward him. "You don't matter to me? You idiot. Did you not hear me? It
could be yours or K'sedel's. Yours or his. He I sleep with during Flights.
You are the only one outside of them that has been in my bed. THE ONLY
ONE. FOR A TURN OR SO NOW. And you don't matter. I told you I loved
you. And then at the drop of a hat, you ignore me and throw me aside like I'm
some piece of trash and tell me to LEAVE?"

She picked up a vase and almost threw it at him but then she remembered it
was hers and set it down. "I'm probably too far gone now to do anything
about it anyway."

Feeling Rhosyn's suddenly surging burst of anger, Orlaith became
alarmed and came back to the weyr ledge from where she had been. This time
the Weyrwoman didn't bother to reassure her Queen. **I would so love to strike
him right now**

"You don't love me." Fear and anger boiled inside him. He clenched his
fists. "You didn't even care enough to tell me what was wrong. _You_
ignored _me_! No, worse than that, you did everything you could to
turn me away without answers. You let me worry. I'm not even _worth_
being honest to. I'm _nothing_ to you!"

"I didn't ignore you. I told you I was fine and not to worry.
You're the one that needed more than that. At the time I was ill and the
healers told me to stay quiet and relax so that's what I did. I stayed away
from everyone so I could get better. If the healers had told you no visitors
when you got hurt, I wouldn't have tried to get in. So no-I didn't lie to
you. I just didn't tell you everything you wanted to hear BECAUSE I WAS IN
BED HURTING AND SICK and didn't want to see anyone. And I was sleepy and had
a fever." Her lips remained in a thin line but it felt good to vent her
frustration and anger on him finally instead of just soldiering on alone.
She liked the strength anger gave her. It was better than this being afraid.

"You make it sound like I was selfish because I was worried about
you." Shards, she really was full of herself. "_All_ you had to do
was tell me you were sunscorched. You didn't need to make a big deal
out of it and make me _more_ worried. You can't just wave me off like
I mean nothing. You can't refuse to tell me what's wrong and expect me
not to think the _worst_. Traelyn didn't give me answers either. She
kept saying she was fine. She shut me out of her life and now you're
doing the same thing!" He kicked a chair, sending it skidding across
the room toward the wall.

"I am not Traelyn and I am not shutting you out of my life. You shut
yourself out. You were the one that told me to leave, remember? So
don't even put that on me." And it was true. She had come to him. Even
though she wasn't completely healed up, she had come anyway. "And despite my
best judgment, I believe I just let you through the door, did I not? Did I
tell you to leave my Weyr?" Rhosyn was being carried now by the conversation.
She was forgetting the reason for it for the moment. Sparring with N'vanik
felt good and it gave her focus.

"Not _this_ time," he growled. "You're so caught up in your own little
world you don't even think you did anything wrong. You don't care _at
all_ that I was worried about you. You think you can push me away when
you want to, and I'm supposed to be there waiting when you decide I'm
worth your time again?" It really was Traelyn all over again. He was
stupid to think Rhosyn would be different.

"It was nice of you to be worried about me yes, but I had the expectation
of privacy when I was under healer orders to have it. I didn't push you away.
I simply asked you to be patient until the time came when I could see you.
No I don't think I did anything wrong. You don't have to be there every
time I fall, do you?" **I'm a grown woman. I can take care of myself**

"But you listen now. I am pregnant. I don't like being pregnant. I am scared
to death. There's a possibility I could die in childbirth and my queen would be
lost to Pern. It could be K'sedel's. It could be yours. I don't know. So if you want
to worry and be around and whatever else-now would be the time. Because I
will mess this up. I am not a fit mother." And then her anger ebbed and she
lost it. She sat down in the nearest chair and started to shake, crying into
her hands. "It's going to take over my body. It already has-making me sick,
making me fat, making it so I can't fulfill my duties to my dragon."

He wanted to hate her for the way she treated him, but he couldn't
when she was crying like that. And the way she was talking brought
his fear back. "You're not getting rid of it?" What he should say was
that she didn't have to keep it if she didn't want to, if she was
really that worried. But N'vanik was too selfish at the moment. He
couldn't face the idea that she would get rid of the baby because he
wasn't good enough.

"I already told you, it's too late now from what Reeva says. If I did, it would
probably cause more problems healthwise and could be dangerous." Rhosyn
sighed and tried to stop sobbing. She needed to focus. Wiping her face, she
sat back in the chair.

"So if you'd known earlier, you wouldn't keep it?" His stomach felt
cold and tight. "Is it because you don't want a baby at all, or
because you just don't want mine?"

"There have been times in my life when I had to choose. And all of
those times I chose my dragon over children. Like I said, N'vanik, I'm
just not....I'm not a mother." She wasn't going to blame her mother for
sending her away to foster. Her fostermother had been wonderful. Rhosyn just
wasn't that type of person. "And anyway I didn't want to bring a child
into everything. Back there, I wasn't able to do anything. I lived under
constant control and threat and it just wasn't...it wasn't a
good environment when a child of mine might have been treated
exactly the same as its mother through no fault of its own."

N'vanik closed his eyes and let out a breath. With fear subsiding, he
could think clearly. "I will never let that happen." He knelt down
beside her. "Even if it only _might_ be mine, this child will know
that it's loved." He would never be like his father.

"N'vanik...I'm realllyy scared." Rhosyn uncurled herself
and pulled him close, holding onto him for dear life. She tried not to
remember him telling her to leave and how it had felt. She needed him
now.

He held her tight. "Don't worry, we'll get through this. Everything
will be fine."

Last updated on the July 31st 2013

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Knock Out Drag Out