Shut Out

Writers: Eimi, Devin
Date Posted: 11th February 2011

Characters: Traelyn, N'vanik
Description: N'vanik finds out from the Weyrhealer that Traelyn tried to take Nyith /between/.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 7 of Turn 5
Notes: Mentioned: Traelyn

N'vanik

N'vanik hurried down the hall. For the first time, he wished he spent
more time in his office and not doing his hidework down by the beach.
It had taken the healer several minutes to find him. He saw the
Weyrhealer standing outside Trae's door and that made him even more
afraid. "Is she okay?"

"Physically, yes, she's in perfect health," the Weyrhealer told him,
knowing that would be what the bronzerider would first need to be
reassured of. "Mentally, however, no. She's in a very dark, dark
place."

"I have to talk to her." N'vanik reached for the door.

The healer stepped in front of him to block the door, placing a hand
gently, but firmly on the bronzerider's wrist. "No, sir, I'm sorry,
but you cannot go in there."

N'vanik turned a glare on him. "Why not? If it's bad enough that you
have to call a mindhealer, I need to talk to her." Maybe for a change
she would actually listen to him.

"It is precisely for that reason you cannot go to her," Pacham replied
sternly, not at all intimidated by the Weyrleader's stare. "She has
specifically said she wants to see no one, and your going in there would
break all trust she has in the mindhealer and could lead her to close
herself off from the help she _desperately_ needs right now. She
almost took Nyith /between/ once today. We cannot risk her a second
time."

It felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "Almost took her
/between/?" He knew Pacham wasn't talking about a short trip. He was
talking about the kind you didn't come back from. N'vanik reached for
Loseth instinctively.

}:Nyith won't talk to me.:{ The bronze's voice was full of concern.

"Yes," Pacham nodded, knowing he now had the Weyrleader's full
attention. "She confessed to me just before I sent for you that she
took a trip /between/ with the intention of remaining there with Nyith.
She's not sure what made her change her mind at the last moment.
Probably her human instinct to survive, but that is only my own
speculation. The important point is that she not only considered it
but almost carried through with her attempt. A second attempt is
likely and is likely to be successful. This is a _very_ precarious moment,
N'vanik. You must trust us."

He took a step back and leaned against the wall. "You won't ... you
won't let her try again, will you?" What in Faranth's name was going
on in her head that she thought dying was a solution?

"Of course not. We will not let any harm come to her or to Nyith," the
healer said with certainty as he took a step closer. He didn't want to
speak any more loudly than he had to in case there were curious ears
listening. "But you have to understand, N'vanik, this isn't just an
_attempt_ at suicide. This wasn't just a cry for help. This planned
and well-thought out. She truly no longer wants be alive. Suicide is
unnatural. You have to sink into such dark despair that you can
over-ride your own natural drive to survive. And it takes a long time
to help someone off of that knife's edge. In the meantime, she cannot
stay here, and for certain, she is not mentally fit to be a Weyrwoman at
this time."

"What?" It was logical, and obvious, but it still stunned him. In his
more bitter moments he wished Trae out of his life, but not like this.
Never like this. "Where is she going?" This would have huge
repercussions for the Weyr, but he wasn't worried about that now. He
was only worried about Traelyn, the woman he'd known. The woman he
sometimes thought he loved.

"A mental patient with a dragon is challenge enough, a gold doubly so.
A mental patient with the _Senior_ Queen in a Weyr..." Pacham could
not even imagine the kind of chaos that could cause. "She must go far
from here. Somewhere where there queens senior to Nyith who can keep her
under tight control. There is a Mindhealer's Hall made especially for
dragonriders. There are some former Weyrwomen and older queens who
have found a way to contribute to Pern even though they can no longer
fly Thread or Clutch. They keep the dragons calm while their riders are in
treatment. They can can make sure Nytih and Trae are safe."

N'vanik swallowed. "And they'll make her better?"

"I believe so," Pacham nodded firmly. "I believe so, yes. She isn't
crazy. She isn't sick. She certainly is not unreachable. She is in
a despair that I cannot imagine, and probably it is a sadness that runs
very deep in her. It will take some time to draw the poison out, but
she will have the finest mindhealers on Pern to help her."

"How long will it take?" He probably didn't know, but N'vanik had to
ask anyway. Just yesterday they'd been going over wing formations, and
now she was suicidal and being carried away to a Mindhealer Hall. Why
hadn't he seen it? Why hadn't she _said_ something?

"I don't know," the healer said sadly. "A while. These things don't
get better quickly. It will probably take a while to find the cause,
and then even longer to find the cure. This is something that has been
building up over time, I'm sure of it. It will take time to over
come."

N'vanik let out a long, slow breath, trying to force back the ache
inside him. "So when can I see her?"

The healer put a hand gently on his shoulder. "When she's ready to see
you, and I have no easy answer for when that will be."

"So it's up to her." Which meant he'd probably never see her again.
She'd already shut him out of her life as much as she could, now she
could shut him out completely. The sinking feeling in his stomach
turned cold.

Pacham was unaware of the true nature of the Weyrleader's relationship
with the goldrider. "We must give her all the time she needs or risk
pushing her further. When she's ready, when she's safe, that is when
you can see her. But not before, I'm afraid."

"Is there anything I can do?" Questions. All he had was questions.

"You can send for the golds to come. Immediately." The longer they
waited, the more they ran the risk of Trae trying to make another
attempt on her life, and if she were detained by force, Nyith could call
down the Weyr in protection of her rider. Every moment that passed,
they were becoming more of a liability.

Sadness and a growing sense of anger churned in him. It was too much,
too fast. Everything was changing, Trae being swept out of his life,
the Weyr losing its Weyrwoman. He wanted to get away from all this, to
hide in his weyr, but he had things to do first. "Fine. I'll send for
them." If it had to be over with, then let it be over with fast.

Pacham knew that there would be a lot of strain on the Weyrleader in the
coming days. "The mindhealers will be available to you too, should you
need someone to talk to. It will be a rough patch the Weyr will be
going through and I'm afraid you will bare a lot of the weight on your
shoulders alone, for a while. If you need someone to vent to, the
offer is there."

"Thanks." N'vanik's tone was distant, his mind closing off. He had to
focus on what needed to be done and think as little as possible about
why he was doing it. It was similar to the frame of mind he put
himself in when they lost someone during Threadfall. "I'll go send for
them right now. See you later."

"I will keep you informed," Pacham promised and slipped back into
Traelyn's weyr.

Last updated on the January 28th 2012

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