We Shouldn't Have

Writers: AL, Cali
Date Posted: 4th February 2010

Characters: B'lamick, Briata
Description: B'lamick takes Briata talk about what happened after the fact.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern, River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 7, day 14 of Turn 5

Briata

B'lamick was still asleep when Briata awoke. The first thing that set in was guilt. She blinked and turned to gaze where he lay, crunched against the wall, his arm beneath her head. She shouldn't have, oh she shouldn't have, but oh shards it had felt so good! Briata slipped out of the bed and over to her clothing. She needed to get dressed, to put that barrier between them. She couldn't trust herself. There was barely room to move with the logs, but Briata managed to get dressed without making too much noise. When she had finished, she sat near the fire. Thankfully, despite the drafts that made their way down the chimney, the little cot was a lot warmer. Her clothes, while still damp, were also warm. She shivered anyway. Her thoughts were going back to the way he had touched her. Even when it had hurt, even when she had cried out, even when he had paused, she couldn't let him stop. It had been too much, pulled her down too far.

Briata covered her face with her hands. What would he think of her? To fall into embrace with him like one of those women who hopped from bed to bed. She wasn't sure if she would be able to look at him in the eye again. She had let things go too far. She had thought she could stop, but the desire, the need had been overwhelming. She should have never let her put herself into temptation's way. She cared about him, a lot...and that had made it worse.

And she was afraid. Briata didn't want to lose B'lamick too, but what if he decided he couldn't stay with her? Did he really want to be with her? Or would the night of passion make him think too little of her? A fool indeed. A sob escaped though she managed to choke it. She didn't want to wake him. She needed to wait. She could cry when she got home. Was the storm over? According to Latarth, no, not quite yet. The precipitation wasn't as strong, but the winds were. They couldn't safely leave just yet. So they would be forced to stay there a while longer. Briata wished they could leave. The sooner they could leave, the sooner she could break down, the sooner she could get away. Her hands fell to her lap and her hands clenched into fists. Fool...fool...the words rang through her mind over and over. Fool.

"That is not the face I was hoping to see on you when I woke this morning." B'lamick said as he watched her from the bed. "Was I that bad?"

His voice surprised her. Briata had thought he would sleep longer. She looked up but she couldn't hold his gaze. Her face reddened as she turned her eyes toward the fire. It had died down, but still generated heat - there was too _much_ heat. "No! No! You were wonderful...I..." Even the pain hadn't been enough to make her want to stop. "I.." She stuttered, trying to get words out, tried to explain herself, needed to explain herself, but the only thing she managed to say was, "I'm sorry."

His face fell. She regretted it. He was sure that it hadn't been as smooth or as well done as what she was used to with the Lord Warder, but she hadn't seemed to mind at the time. "Well, we can try again. It was only my first time, if you tell me what you like I can do it better."

Her face burned. Were they really having that conversation? "No, B'lamick, you were perfect." Shards, she was trying so hard not to think about what had happened. All that did was get her worked up again.

"Then what's wrong?" he sat up, confused at what else could be the matter then. He'd felt like everything was right when he'd closed his eyes, no, not just right, fantastic. Now though, he'd done _something_ to upset her.

Briata shook her head. Images of him above her, memories of his touch, his smell as he made love to her. Shards! For an instant Briata thought about opening the door to cool the room down. She shifted and winced, one hand rubbing up and down her other arm.

"Briata, you've got to talk to me." He slid off the bed, pulling the blanket with him and tucking it under him as he sat down next to her on the floor. Even though the fire was doing a decent job of keeping the place warm, the floor was filthy.

"We shouldn't have." Briata finally stated, though her tone didn't sound so certain. The problem was, she had wanted to. She wanted to do it again. "I don't...I'm not that sort of girl. I don't just..."

"Oh." he replied, surprised. It hadn't been at all what he was expecting to hear. He knew she was holder through and through, and now that he thought about it, it certainly made sense. He just hadn't been thinking things through, it had all happened so fast. He put his arm around her, feeling her stiffen for a moment, then relax against him. "Briata, I don't think you're that sort of girl. If you had been, I wouldn't like you like I do. I wouldn't have wanted you like that."

She lifted her gaze to him then, though her eyes didn't quite meet his. Briata's body tingled where his arm rested against her. It felt so good when he did that, she didn't want him to let go. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Steady, steady...his nearness and the aftermath of their passion threatened to muddle her again. "We have to take this slow. We can't do this again...not...not for a while." Oh shards how she didn't want to say that!

"Why?" he felt so helpless. After last night, things shouldn't be like this, she should be happy, not upset. "I want to be with you Briata. Please don't regret what happened between us. I'd waited so long for someone like you to come along, I'd almost given up."

"We're not mar..." Married. No, dragonriders didn't marry. "Weyrmated." She corrected herself. Briata allowed herself to reach up and caress his cheek. "I want it...shards, I knew it was supposed to feel good, but even when it hurt it felt too good to stop but..." Maybe in time. They needed more time to be together, more time to grow with one another.

B'lamick nodded. "Maybe it was too soon. But it's not like we didn't know each other, we've been friends since the moment I found you in that storage room." he was trying to cheer her up. Anything to see that beautiful smile on her face again. "Just don't regret it."

He was right, and B'lamick was rewarded with a smile, albeit a small one. "I have to admit...I...I want to do it again. I didn't know it would feel that good." Briata flushed and looked down. "To be honest, I always thought my first time would be different..." She had thought it would be with Ishek, in the Hold. Maybe even expecting their first child by then. No. She didn't need to go down that path. Ishek had made his choice and made it obvious she wasn't what he wanted. B'lamick, however, did want her, and he had treated her so much better. Ishek had never been cruel, but he had been distant after their marriage. B'lamick had been the total opposite.

B'lamick misunderstood her words and his face darkened. "He forced himself on you. When you were married? Is that why you left?"

"No!" Briata eyes flew wide and one hand rested upon his chest, as if to keep him from going out in the storm and getting to Garnet Valley to confront Ishek right then. "No...he didn't touch me." A moment later, her hand fell. "He didn't touch me at all. Ever."

He relaxed, visibly. "Ever?" he asked, incredulous. Surely he misunderstood her words, again.

"He...started to, on our wedding night but...then he stopped. He said he was tired and maybe it would be better to just sleep." Briata's hands played at one another. "It had been nice til that point, but...we never consummated the marriage, and after that he barely touched me. If he kissed me, it was usually just on the cheek. I felt more like a sister than I did a wife."

Last updated on the February 6th 2010

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We Shouldn't Have