How Not to Impress the Weyrleader

Writers: Devin, Clancey
Date Posted: 24th November 2008

Characters: J'darin, N'vanik
Description: J'darin chooses a strange first visit when he gets out of the Infirmary, and it has very poor results. Well, more than poor. Just plain awful.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 5 of Turn 4

J'darin

N'vanik

Well, it had finally happened. He was out of the Infirmary.

While that was something to celebrate, he had other things on his mind that were keeping the smile from forming as he walked out into the Weyrbowl accompanied by Hasaarth's happy bugle. The bronze was settled up on the ledge of their new weyr, and Zelle was due to meet him there in a candlemark or so.

But first, he felt an irresistible urge to go and see the new Weyrleader.

N'vanik had not yet managed to instil confidence in J'darin, though he was hoping for the best with Dolphin Cove's new Weyrleader. He didn't agree with what the man had done since he'd come, though he desperately wanted to trust Nyith.

All the same, he knew he couldn't _yell_ at a Weyrleader. He was just a bronzerider now.

}:MY rider!:{ Hasaarth's strong response came, causing J'darin to smile. Scarred now, but yes, he was Hasaarth's.

So why was he going to visit N'vanik? He wasn't really sure. The man would know he was healthy and fit to fly again, though it would be at least another sevenday before the Healers would clear him to fight Thread.

The odd part was.. J'darin wasn't sure what Wing he was supposed to fly in, now. In the history of the Weyr, leadership changes had been slightly different. The deposed bronzerider generally took up some sort of other leadership role in the Weyr if one was needed because a Weyrleader's experience - even one who wasn't a Weyrleader currently - was valuable.

So, that was his "excuse". And he hoped it wouldn't turn into something bad .. for either him or N'vanik.

**Hasaarth, please ask Loseth the Weyrleader if he is free for a bit, and if he will see me?**

}:N'vanik says he will see yours,:{ Loseth replied to the other bronze. }:He's in his office.:{ J'darin couldn't resist the mental addition of *yes, no longer my office..*, though he kept it to himself. He certainly knew the way.

A little while later - though he had very little of a limp left, he still was a touch slow in his movement - he arrived at his former office and knocked. He experienced a moment of a dry humor, but it soon faded. He had served here under two other Weyrleaders. This was no different.

"Come in!" N'vanik called. He set his pen down and frowned at the stack of hides at his desk. He had to find a faster way of dealing with all this stuff.

J'darin summoned up his thoughts, and truth be known, his courage, and stepped into his old office. It looked different to his eyes, but the stack of hides was very familiar. Especially the day after a Fall. He had, heard, of course that it had gone very well considering a new Weyrleader, and one who'd never led Fall. The injuries that had joined him in the Infirmary had been fairly normal, but had also helped the Healers shoo him out of bed a day or two sooner than planned. They needed their beds!

"Good day to you, Weyrleader." He smiled faintly. "Day after Fall hides....well do I remember that. How are you coming with it?"

"Not as good as I'd hoped, but I guess I'll get used to it," N'vanik said.

J'darin chuckled a bit dryly. "No, N'vanik, you'll never get used to it. Or at least I never did in 2 turns. Perhaps it takes longer than that... " He shook his head a bit, as if dismissing thoughts, and went on. "Congratulations on a good Fall, Weyrleader."

"Thanks. It was the riders that did most of the work, though. I was just lucky not to make any big mistakes." Although he did think that maybe it was more than luck. Time would tell, though.

"In my experience, luck is only a small part of leadership, N'vanik." He paused a moment, then went on. "Speaking of leadership, have you come to some sort of decision concerning my Wing placement? I cannot fly Thread for at least a sevenday, the Healers say, but both Hasaarth and I are recovered enough for drills."

"You're still in my Wing. I have a spot for you in drills and once you're cleared we'll be glad to have an extra bronze for Fall," N'vanik said. Even after just one Fall, he had a better understanding of how hard it was with a shortage of riders.

J'darin nodded. "Thank you." He paused. He considered asking for the Weyrlingmaster job right then, but decided N'vanik needed more time to get to know him. So instead, he said quietly, "I hope you come to understand, though not the _way_ that I did, at least _why_ I lowered the age limit. Dragons keening any time is hard... but when you're leading them... " He shook his head, his gaze a bit far off. "The forgiveness of yourself is hard to come by."

After a moment, he continued with a more normal look, and a smile. "All that said, please continue to be lucky, and you have my full support, Weyrleader."

"Thanks for your support," N'vanik said. "But that's one of the reasons why I put the age limit back. I couldn't forgive myself if I forced riders into the wings too early."

J'darin looked at him for a long moment in silence. He finally said, quietly, "If that is the case, you could make a case for there being no age limit, and each rider could go when they were ready. Some were ready at just over 15 turns and hating to wait, some still aren't ready and they are 17, even 18 turns and wishing they didn't have to fly. 16 turns isn't some definite age in their lives that says, 'Oh you must be ready to fly Thread now.'. It just isn't logical. Beyond that, there was always trust in the Wingleaders and the weyrling staff. If they weren't ready, they didn't fly. However, it is your Weyr now. You will run it how you choose, and I can only offer advice and support when called to do so."

He paused, turning to go without being dismissed, though technically he supposed he should wait. He turned back. He didn't want to make an enemy of the man. But J'darin thought he could help him, if he would ask for it. "I can tell you though, N'vanik, from one man to another, and one bronzerider to another, that age doesn't affect how hard their deaths hit you. I grieved as much for I'ster as I did for C'len and countless others, some as old as you and I, some even older. I hope you never have to experience that feeling, Weyrleader. I truly, truly do." He finished fervently.

"You can stop defending yourself to me, J'darin. You did what you thought you had to," N'vanik said. "It was the wrong choice, and you'll have to live with your decision. Just like I'll have to live with the decision that I won't fill my wings at any cost."

"I've been living with that decision and so many others just as hard, for turns, N'vanik. When you finally have to make some hard decisions, you might understand a little better. And, just as a side note, because its not the choice you would have made doesn't make it _wrong_. Just different. I was a good Weyrleader who saw this Weyr through turns of harder-than-normal times, and before that I was a good Weyrlingmaster second, and before that a good Wingsecond. I'm not defending anything... just explaining. You come here without leadership experience of any kind, and in my own way, I'm trying to help. Be careful if you start thinking your opinion is the only one that is _right_. It might be the only one that matters, but that doesn't mean its the only one that's right." He bowed respectfully. "Besides, if everyone led the same, our lives would be a good deal more dull."

It was like a watered down version of U'kaiah. What did he expect, though? The man had lost his position because of injury. Of course he didn't think N'vanik really deserved to replace him. "There are a lot of things I'm willing to admit I might be wrong about, and yes, I don't have any leadership experience. But there are things that I _do_ know, and _that_ decision was _wrong_."

Surprisingly, J'darin laughed. No one who knew him would have been surprised, but it would surprise someone who didn't know him, or what the people here had gone through, including their Weyrleader. "You sound just like me. Well, like I used to sound. Certain that _my_ way is the _only_ way. No one ever _liked_ me, N'vanik. But they did respect me, and they respected my decisions. All of them. Because everything I did was for the good of the Weyr, and they knew it. Not just that one, but so many other hard decisions. If you had any idea how hard its been for all of us, for me... " He shrugged. He would not go on explaining himself to someone who had not and never would be in his position. "You're entitled. You're entitled to dismiss all the lives I saved by that decision, as much as you're entitled to take your own method of saving lives. I will not lose sleep over the fact you think what I did was wrong; you may never change your mind or even come to know the truth of why I did what I did. You're welcome to a different opinion. But I can promise this: no one is _ever_ prepared for being Weyrleader, or what it forces upon you, no matter what they think of themselves."

"But you will learn, and Nyith chose you, which are both very good things. And I'm not willing to dismiss you because you do not do things the same way that I did, nor because you have no leadership experience. If you choose to do that to me, you close yourself off from a valuable resource who supports you fully, despite the situation. And will support and respect every decision you make, even if I don't agree with them, as my riders did for me. Its one small favor in the middle of a job that _will_ break your heart. Being Weyrleader is ..lonely.. sometimes. Trust me on that." He was offering to make it less so, but it seemed clear that that would not be possible. And it was N'vanik's choice to make, not his.

Faranth's name, did J'darin ever get tired of talking? His speeches to the Weyr must have gone on for candlemarks. "Well, if you're done giving speeches, you can leave. I have a lot of work to do, as you can see." N'vanik wasn't interested in the former Weyrleader trying to criticize him and make nice at the same time.

J'darin just raised an eyebrow at him and turned and left. Oh yes, that was a _great_ start.

Last updated on the November 25th 2008

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How Not to Impress the Weyrleader