Courage

Writers: Devin, Francesca
Date Posted: 8th November 2008

Characters: N'vanik, T'lis
Description: One of the young riders stays behind to share his fears with N'vanik.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 1 of Turn 4

N'vanik

T'lis lingered in the room, watching as the other riders left. He still wasn't sure if he should bring up his fears to anyone, much less the Weyrleader. But he was also very worried that, if he said nothing, he would put his lifemate in danger. Thinking of her was the only thing that kept him from walking out of the room.

}:You are worried. Why? We were born to fight Thread.:{ his green said, both concerned for him and confused as to why he was scared in the first place.

**You were born to fight Thread. I'm not so sure I was.** However, her certainty comforted him, as always. Maybe they would be fine after all. Maybe he didn't need to waste the Weyrleader's time. But then the fear grew again and he didn't move towards the door.

"You wanna talk about something?" N'vanik asked as he watched the boy hesitate.

"Sort of," T'lis conceded. Now that the Weyrleader had decided for him whether he would speak up or not, he was worried what his reaction would be. What if he was told to stop being a baby and become a man? Adults did not tease, at least not usually, but maybe the Weyrleader would come away from their discussion with a low opinion of him.

He took a deep breath. "Winanth says we're ready to fight Thread, but I don't agree. She's so confident, and we do well in training drills and everything, but the thought of actually being in a fighting wing... Now I have another two months before I turn 16, but I don't even know if that will be enough time." Everything came rushing out of his mouth, until he closed it, not wanting to ramble any more. He looked up for a moment to see what the Weyrleader's reaction was. Was he mad? Or disappointed in him?

"So you're afraid?" N'vanik asked in a neutral tone.

That was blunt. "Yes," T'lis admitted. He wasn't sure yet what the Weyrleader thought.

N'vanik took a few steps closer to the young rider. "You better not repeat this, but ... I'm scared, too."

The greenrider's eyes widened and he barely contained a gasp of surprise. "But, you're the _Weyrleader_!"

"Yeah, for the last few days." N'vanik smiled a little. "But I've never lead Fall before. I have to lead the Weyr against Thread in a few days and that ... that scares me." Fall itself was not a problem. He was rarely more than a little nervous at the start of a Fall, but this time would be entirely different.

"Oh." T'lis wasn't sure what to say. Of course, deep down, he realized that everyone was scared some of the time. But, he just expected people in leadership positions to somehow deal with it. "So, what are you going to do?" he queried.

"I'm gonna do my best to put my fears aside and lead Fall. I have to. It's my duty. And once you turn sixteen, facing Thread will be your duty, too," N'vanik said.

That made sense. Although a sense of duty wouldn't save him if he made even the slightest mistake during Fall. "So, that's the secret? Just do what you have to do?"

"It's not really a secret. It's just accepting that it's your duty, and you can't get out of it. If there is a secret, it's understanding what courage is."

"Oh." T'lis knew what courage was. He just didn't have much. However, the Weyrleader's words were beginning to sink in. The moment he Impressed Winanth, his future was decided. He would fight Thread along with every other able dragonrider. A little, or a lot, of fear didn't change his duty to the Weyr and to Pern. "I think I understand." At least, he was beginning to.

"Do you?" N'vanik asked. "I used to think courage meant not being afraid."

T'lis blushed and looked down. "I understand, in theory, what you're saying." He tried to put his thoughts into words. "It's just hard for me to get past the fear. When we do drills, I can concentrate on what I'm doing. It's after, when I think of Thread, that I get scared again."

The Weyrleader had caught him, although T'lis didn't completely admit it vocally. When the greenrider saw courage in others, he assumed they weren't afraid, even though he knew, logically, that everyone got scared sometimes. Hearing the Weyrleader point this out made his mistake obvious. He hoped this realization would help him, if not conquer his fear, at least make it less consuming.

N'vanik smiled, partly at T'lis and partly at himself for being in this unexpected position. "A great man once told me that courage isn't a lack of fear, it's doing something _despite_ your fear." He could picture V'surin saying it. Shards, N'vanik wished he was here. "I think that's something we both need to hear."

T'lis nodded, some of his awe of the Weyrleader returning at the words of wisdom. Despite all the talk of fear, he still sounded like a Weyrleader when he wanted to.

}:You are more relaxed:{ Winanth noted contentedly.

**Yes. I feel, not exactly confident, but more prepared.**

}:That is good.:{ "And don't let anyone pick on you for staying in the Weyrling wing."

"Ok." T'lis hoped he wouldn't have to deal with that. He felt embarrassed enough without anyone teasing him about his decision.

"Come on. I'm sure we've both got things to do." N'vanik moved toward the door.

"Yes." The conversation had been very helpful, but intense. Now, all he wanted to do was relax for awhile...and then get ready for drills. "Thank you, Weyrleader." T'lis met the man's eyes for a moment before looking down again.

"You're welcome." N'vanik patted the young rider a bit awkwardly on the back.

Last updated on the November 8th 2008

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Courage