Have To Take The Chance

Writers: Dana, Devin
Date Posted: 15th September 2008
Series: Proving His Worth

Characters: Traelyn, N'vanik
Description: N'vanik tells Trae he's going to chase in Nyith's Flight.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 21 of Turn 4

N'vanik

His heart pounded in his chest as he slid off Loseth. Maybe it would be better just to show up when it happened. Then he could pretend he was never there and wouldn't have to deal with her platitudes afterwards. He stepped into the weyr. "Trae? Nyith said you were in."

"She told me you'd be coming by." Sitting down on the sofa, Traelyn poured alcohol into two glasses then gestured for him to take one before leaning back against the cushions to nurse the other. After taking a sip, she looked up at him as he came over. "You've heard." Why else would he chance coming here so close to Nyith's time?

"Yes." He sat near her and studied his glass. Then he downed half of it in one swallow. "I was thinking that I might ... I might try."

Here eyes snapped to his, shocked. N'vanik? _N'vanik_? Trying to cover her reaction so he wouldn't be too offended, she took another sip--but a longer one this time. "I...had no idea you were so ambitious."

"It's not ... I mean, I know I'm not gonna win." He didn't look at her.

"You have a chance to win if you're serious about taking it."

He shook his head. "U'kaiah's gonna win."

"He's not," she snarled angrily. Then she closed her eyes, fighting the sudden roiling emotions she had been trying to suppress ever since Threadfall had ended. "He's not."

Now it was his turn to be shocked. "What?"

"He's not going to be a contender." The wound U'kaiah had dealt her was still too fresh for her not to show how much it hurt. The look in her eyes was a battered, bruised one when she finally summoned enough courage to look at him. "He made his intentions quite clear to me last night."

"Oh, Trae ..." He put a hand on her arm. "He's a sharding fool to pass this up."

His honest sympathy was almost too much. But rather than giving in to the weakness of tears, she snorted instead and took another drink. "Maybe _I'm_ the fool, to think that he'd..... Well, it doesn't matter what I thought. He'll be Weyrleader at Dragonsfall or not at all." Her tone was bitter as she quoted him, word for word.

N'vanik felt both hope and fear as he realized his chances just got better. And he felt guilt for thinking like that in the face of Trae's obvious pain. "Well, you'll have one familiar face in the crowd, at least. That is ... if you don't mind me trying."

"No," she murmured, forcing U'kaiah from her mind as she set her empty glass down on the table. "I want you to try."

Some of his tension eased. "Good. I know I won't win, but ... when am I gonna get a chance like this?"

Her jaw clenched. Would he ever stop running himself down? He should know better by now to _not_ do it...especially considering the awful thing that had happened between them the last time he had. "If you and Loseth arrive here with that frame of mind, you won't win, N'vanik. Nyith is so acutely aware of weakness in the bronzes when she rises. She _knows_, and through her, so do I."

He sighed and took a sip. "Vicious cycle, I know." Even when he did his best to push doubt out of his mind, Loseth _still_ lost, and that added to the doubt for next time.

"And it's hard to break," she agreed quietly. "But if you don't make the effort now..." She shrugged a shoulder, bringing a leg up to wrap her arms around. Then she turned her head to study him, eyes just a bit glazed from the alcohol, trying to see him as a Weyrleader. Despite his flaws, she knew him to be a competent bronzerider, dedicated to fighting Thread as much as any Wingleader--well, any dragonrider, really. But there was more to him--a potential that Wingleaders had, and that potential separated the leaders from the followers. Yes, she decided, she could see him leading, if he was given that chance.

"I thought you said I had plenty of time left," he tried to joke.

Shifting, she tucked her knees up against his thigh and rested her head on his shoulder. "You do."

"Alright, so maybe I do have dreams of being Weyrleader. Most bronzeriders do. But I'm thinking more about ... about this being _your_ flight." He felt exposed saying it, but things like this were getting easier to admit.

Traelyn went very still against him. She hadn't been expecting that. From U'kaiah, yes. But...not from him. As his implications began to sink in, new, unsettling emotions swelled within her, tangling together, but she could separate three: shock, fear, gratitude. "How do you mean?" she finally whispered.

Leaning against his chest like that, she had to hear how much his heart was pounding. "I never had a chance at Dragonsfall. When Nyith rose, it was at Dolphin Cove. I want to have the chance, even if it's just once."
And it would be all the more bitter and disappointing when he lost, but he had to take the chance. He _had_ to.

He couldn't possibly fathom just how much she had needed to hear that. U'kaiah should have been the one to say it to her, but it was N'vanik. Her throat tightened. His admission was wholly unexpected, and gratifying. Closing her eyes, she snaked an arm around his middle, fingers curling tightly in his tunic.

He awkwardly set his glass down and put an arm around her. After what happened between them last time, he wanted to assure her that she wasn't just a goldrider to him, just a means to an end. And with U'kaiah not willing to try, even though he had to know his chances were good ... shards, it had to be hard on her. "You're worth trying for."

Last updated on the September 15th 2008

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Have To Take The Chance