What I Am
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin
Date Posted: 10th February 2008
Characters: N'vanik, Talryne
Description: N'vanik reveals an important part of his past to Talryne.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr, Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 8, day 7 of Turn 4
Something had been bothering him the last few days. She'd asked him a few times if anything was wrong, but his answer was the standard 'I'm fine.' It was making her nervous, the old fear that she would do something to drive him away still hadn't left her. Yesterday she'd even gotten the courage to ask Loseth if he knew what was bothering N'vanik. He'd told her that his rider was thinking, but he wouldn't say about what.
Talryne propped herself on her elbow, watching N'vanik's back as he sat up in bed. She could see the signs of tension in his muscles. She might have to risk pushing him to find out what was wrong. He took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Wanna get out of the cold for a while?" he asked, finally turning toward her. It was a restday, and the weather at Dragonsfall was cold, as usual.
"Okay," she said, shifting into a sitting position. Should she ask now, or wait? Talryne decided to wait. Maybe a day relaxing somewhere warm would make him forget about whatever was bothering him.
"Okay." He leaned across the bed to give her a kiss and then stood.
"I'll go see if there's any breakfast left." N'vanik quickly pulled on clothes and left.
Once he was gone, she reached out to Loseth again. **What's bothering him?**
}:He's thinking about something,:{ the bronze said, repeating his answer from yesterday.
Talryne chewed her lower lip. **Is it about me?**
There was a long pause from Loseth. }:It's more about him.:{ She didn't find that answer comforting.
N'vanik returned with food and they ate in near silence. Nervousness tightened Talryne's stomach and she left most of her meal uneaten.
N'vanik didn't eat much either. Both of them got into their jackets for the trip /between/ and went out to the ledge to strap themselves to Loseth.
}:You're worriyng her,:{ he told his rider.
**Well, I'm worried too. Maybe we shouldn't do this.**
}:You shouldn't be worried. She won't care.:{
**Let's just get it over with before I change my mind.** Loseth sprang from the ledge and climbed high above the weyr before winking /between/. In a few seconds, they were greeted by warm sun and clear skies.
Talryne concentrated on breathing and tried to relax her muscles as she opened her eyes. /Between/ still terrified her. What she saw when she looked down was a place she had never seen before, mostly covered with dense jungle. Off to their right was a cliff, and that was what Loseth was descending towards. The bronze landed and N'vanik slid down, turning to help Talryne off the huge dragon.
"Where are we?" she asked, pulling her coat tighter and shivering despite the heat.
"A place I come to sometimes," he muttered. "I ... I wanna show you something."
"Okay." She followed him around Loseth to the mouth of a small cave.
What was going on? He was acting so strange. Reaching behind a rock, N'vanik pulled out a glow basket and uncovered it.
He caught her eyes for a moment and then looked away. "It's in here."
Talryne hugged herself and followed him into the cave. It was dark, but the glows and the sunlight from the mouth of the cave gave enough light to see by. N'vanik moved half a length in and knelt, shifting some bottles and skins from behind a pile of rocks. "This is what's left of my booze. I drank most of it when I was grounded, and more when I ... you know."
Talryne shivered. She didn't like this place. N'vanik stared a the rock set low against the wall of the cave. He still had time to change his mind. She didn't have to know. Nobody did. But it was eating at him. All these turns it had been eating at him, he had to tell someone, even if it cost him.
}:I'm here,:{ Loseth sent comfort to his rider. }:I'll always love you. Always.:{ N'vanik moved the rock and pulled out the box hidden behind it in a niche. He turned with it and shifted the glow basket to give Talryne a better view. "I wanted to show you this." He swallowed and opened the box.
She stepped closer to get a better look as the light bounced off the objects inside. There were small daggers, knives, belt buckles, silverwear, two ornate cups, necklaces, bracelets, earings ... and marks. She looked up at him and frowned. "What is it?"
"It's stolen, all of it. I stole it."
"What?" She stared.
"Before I was Searched, that's what I did. That's what I was. A bandit." He looked down at the box, at all the things he had taken during the time he was holdless. It was a secret he'd kept all these turns, never telling anyone, not even his few friends. He felt the need to tell Tal about it, although he didn't know if it was the need to tell the woman who had put so much trust in him, or if it was that part of him that always sabotaged relationships. Was he letting her in, or trying to drive her away?
She looked from the box to N'vanik's haunted eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"
He sighed. "I don't know. I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know what I really was."
Talryne knelt down beside him. She closed the box and took it out of his hands, setting it aside. "That's _not_ who you are," she said sternly, gripping his wrists. "You're a bronzerider. You're a good man. You need to stop thinking badly of yourself. Do you hear me?"
He nodded, tears threatening. She leaned in and kissed him. "I don't care what you did before you were Searched. We all make mistakes, N'vanik." She felt a stab of guilt and loss. One of the mistakes she'd made had cost her dragon's life. **Oh, Ysanth!**
He pulled her against him, tears sliding down his cheeks. She held him tight, more to drive back the darkness inside her than to give him comfort. "Loseth said you wouldn't care. I should have listened to him." N'vanik laughed a little. "Again."
}:I told you.:{ The bronze rubbed it in.
"He certainly has more sense than you, that's for sure," Talryne said as she pulled back. She got to her feet and offered him her hand.
"It's depressing in here. Let's go someplace nicer. It's a restday, we should enjoy it." And she needed to keep her mind off the empty hole inside her.
N'vanik smiled and took her hand, using his other hand to wipe his face. "Swimming, and a nap on the beach?"
"That sounds perfect," she said as she led him out of the cave.
Last updated on the February 14th 2008