Something Nice

Writers: Devin, Bree
Date Posted: 7th December 2006
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: Talryne, N'vanik
Description: Talryne worries that N'vanik doesn't want her, but he ends up agreeing to a surprising request.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 8 of Turn 4

Talryne

N'vanik

Talryne slid a hand up Loseth's neck, trying to find the itchy spot that he'd asked her to scratch. She still felt self-conscious speaking to Loseth when N'vanik was in the weyr, as if she was intruding on something that should be his. But during the rare times when he was gone but Loseth was with her, she found a great deal of comfort in curling up against the bronze dragon and letting his words fill her head and help to soothe the spots left jagged after Ysanth's loss.

This morning she had a particular question she wanted to ask Loseth, but she hadn't been able to gather the courage yet. It wasn't so much the question that upset her as what she might hear as an answer. So instead she made small talk and scratched the dragon's hide and tried to work her away around to the question that had been burning in her mind since that morning.
"Is that better?" she asked finally, standing on her tip toes to reach higher up the dragon's neck. She still wasn't used to how huge Loseth seemed when compared to Ysanth.

}:Much better.:{ The bronze leaned toward her scratching fingers, rumbling softly. Having someone else around to take care of his itches was very nice.

"Good." She concentrated on the spot for a few moments. "Next time you want a bath, maybe we can go somewhere quiet and I can help. I wouldn't mind helping." As long as she didn't have to go out into the weyrlake and deal with the stares and crushing feeling of people.

}:N'vanik knows lots of quiet places.:{

"Like the lake he took me to?" Talryne smiled and leaned against Loseth's hide. "That would be nice. If he wants to, I mean. I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do."

}:He likes going to those places. He thinks we should go out more.:{

"Oh." Talryne closed her eyes, gathering her courage. "Can I ask you something, Loseth? Something that may sound a little strange?"

}:You can ask anything,:{ the bronze answered.

Talryne could feel the color flooding her cheeks as she tried to find the right words. "Does N'vanik--does he not want me?"

"What would give you that idea?" N'vanik asked as he walked into the weyr.

She jerked away from Loseth so fast the she nearly tripped, catching her balance only by planting a hand on the bronze's neck. Talryne's eyes widened as she turned an even more brilliant shade of red. "I didn't know you were here."

"I just got in," he said.

"Oh." Talryne covered her face with her hands, wishing she could sink into the floor. "I shouldn't have been asking him questions."

"You could ask me," N'vanik said as he walked closer.

Talryne shook her head without uncovering her face. "I can't. It's silly and stupid." And what would she do if he gave the wrong answer?

"Come on, Tal. What is it?" Loseth added a croon of encouragement.

It came out in a rush, the words jumbled together as she refused to look at him. "I just was worried that you were getting tired of having me around because when I'm here you can't--you can't have anyone else here. But you don't ever act like you want to do any more than sleep when we're in bed and you have to be sick of it, but I don't know--"

He was quiet for a moment, sorting out what she'd said. "You think I want to kick you out because we don't have sex?"

Her voice grew subdued. "It's not like we didn't before. And I know I was... confused a lot at first. And you didn't want to, because people thought you were taking advantage of me. But I just thought--" To her horror, she felt the edge of tears. "But maybe I'm still broken. Maybe I just want to feel like people want me, and maybe I just want to use you..."

N'vanik sat down and put an arm around her. "It wasn't about what other people thought. I didn't want to take advantage of you. I didn't want you to have sex with me because you were afraid I would kick you out if you didn't." Shards, it felt so weird to be this honest.

"Oh." She turned that over in her head as her body slowly relaxed against him. "I wanted to," she admitted finally, her voice hardly more than a whisper. "And I still do. But--" She hesitated, but his honesty deserved hers in return. "I don't know if it's because that's what I always do when I'm upset."

"It is a good distraction," he said, feeling a strange mix of emotions.

It was probably a bad idea. But then, some people thought that Talryne being alive at all was a bad idea. When put in that context, how could any decision really be that bad? So she leaned in, feeling oddly shy, and brushed her lips against his.

His first reaction was surprise, although he didn't pull away. A heartbeat or two passed before he returned the kiss, deepening it but keeping it gentle. Part of him was grateful that she had initiated it, and part of him cautioned about where this might lead.

Eventually Talryne pulled back, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. "Is it too soon? I can't tell, N'vanik."

"I can't tell either," he said. "But that felt good." She had to feel the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

She laughed a little breathlessly. "Of course it did... And shards, it could feel a lot better." She remembered that clearly enough. Before the accident, her relationship with N'vanik had been based entirely on how compatible they were when it came to feeling good. But she wasn't that person anymore--the one who would have shoved N'vanik back onto the floor and convinced him by any means necessary that she was interested.

}:Tell her,:{ Loseth urged, speaking so they could both hear.

N'vanik pulled back and lifted her chin so he could look at her. "I want you, Tal. But I want you to be ready. I don't want to hurt you." He'd never cared this much about how someone else felt. Shards, he'd deliberately _hurt_ people plenty of times, by word or by fist. Even people he cared about.

"It's not about being ready," she said finally. "I know what I want. But I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff..." She closed her eyes and tightened her fingers around his arms in nervousness. "I just can't figure out if it will pull me away from the edge or push me over. I hate being on the edge, but it's better than falling."

"I won't let you fall," N'vanik said as he pulled her closer. "Shards, I wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I knew how to pull you back from the edge."

"Can I ask for something really silly?" Talryne asked after a moment of silence, her voice sounding a little nervous again.

"Sure." He didn't care how silly it was.

She met his eyes, feeling like she was fifteen again. "Do you think we could still have kissing even if I'm not ready? I know it's the sort of thing kids do... but it _is_ really nice, and I really could use something nice." Shards, she'd just asked _N'vanik_ to sit around and exchange kisses with her like a frustrated teenager. He really was going to throw her out of his weyr.

N'vanik laughed. He couldn't believe he was doing this. "If it makes you feel better, you can have all the kissing you want." He could see a future filled with cold baths . . . although there _were_ better ways. The Weyr had plenty of willing women. "Well, if you don't mind me . . . being away a little more often."

I don't mind if you don't," she replied, glad to find that it was true. For the briefest moment she'd thought that she'd felt jealousy at the idea, but it had been swallowed up in relief. They could both get what they needed, and that was what mattered. Smiling, she slid her hand into his hair and leaned up to kiss him again.

Last updated on the December 7th 2006

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Something Nice