Waiting

Writers: Devin, Yvonne
Date Posted: 3rd April 2025

Characters: J'nus, Talryne
Description: Talryne visits Kapera while she is comatose in the Infirmary, and has a talk with J'nus
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 2, day 8 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Kapera, N'vanyk, D'hol

Talryne

Talryne tugged the curtain aside and paused. "Oh. Hi." Of course J'nus would be here.

The bronzerider looked up and immediately surged to his feet, his reddened eyes narrowing. He didn't recognize her--

}:Loseth brought her. She is the Weyrleader's.:{

Kopth's mindvoice cut through the fog. If Loseth was here, then N'vanik was at the Weyr. The dark haired stranger at the door wasn't a stranger, a threat, after all. J'nus ran a tired hand over his face and slowly sank back into his chair, exhaustion and despair rounding his shoulders as he picked up Kapera's hand. "Sorry, Talryne. I didn't recognize you."

"You've been through a lot." Talryne's gaze drifted to Kapera's pale form lying on the bed. "I came with N'vanik so I could be here in case she . . . woke up." Kapera would never be the same and no one understood that more than Talryne. The deep well of emptiness inside her threatened to swallow her up.

The bronzerider tightened his grip on his weyrmate's hand. "They don't know if she will."

Talryne took a deep breath. "People kept saying I wasn't going to live, usually when they thought I couldn't hear them." She stepped closer, knowing that whatever happened J'nus was going to need support. "Maybe she'll never wake up. Maybe she'll ask for mercy. But she might stay, too. And if she does, she's going to need you to believe that she can survive, because most people will think she'd be better off dead."

It felt so selfish to want her to stay when Riyanth's loss was so monumental. A weyrmate's love was nothing compared to a dragon's, but that was all he could offer. It was so little. "Why did you... decide to stay?"

She took another deep breath and let it out slowly. She decided to give him the truth, because he deserved to hear it, and because she wanted to say it out loud. "There was a part of me that wanted to hurt. To suffer, because I wasn't paying attention and I killed my dragon." She'd had Turns of therapy and knew that it wasn't her fault, but there were still moments when the guilt clawed at her. "But . . . another part of me still wanted to live, or at least to try. To see if there was something left, even after I lost everything."

Would Kapera see the future the same way that Talryne had? Would she want to stay if staying meant no Riyanth? J'nus' hand tightened over Kapera's as a fresh wave of terror pitted out his stomach. He couldn't imagine losing her, or taking her between and letting her go, but he also couldn't imagine life without Kopth. If he couldn't, then could she?

}:I am here,:{ Kopth's mindvoice rumbled in his mind, comforting in its solidity. }:I will never leave you.:{

**I'm sure Riyanth thought the same.** He rubbed a tired hand against his eyes, wincing a little as the fresh bruises on his knuckles flexed. It had been Turns since he'd lost control of his anger like that...

Belatedly he realized that Talryne was waiting for a reply, and flame him, he had no idea what to say. He was tempted to share his fears but she was right-- Kapera might be listening, somehow. She needed his support and he was falling apart. The bronzerider cleared his throat, casting around for something, anything to say that wouldn't sound trite. "I hope... she thinks the same."

"We're here for you, too," Talryne said gently. "Me and N'vanik." N'vanik had barely known her when Ysanth was killed and he'd still been a wreck, blaming himself. J'nus was Kapera's werymate and they'd been close for Turns.

He nodded as her words washed over him. It was the sort of meaningless phrase people said in a crisis, and one he'd heard several times already that night.

Talryne watched Kapera for a moment, the slow rise and fall of her chest. "It's selfish of me to want her to live. Because she's my friend. Because then I'll have someone who . . . understands." She swallowed back the threat of tears.

"Selfishly, I want her to stay too," J'nus admitted quietly. "I can't imagine life without her. I should have been faster. I should have gotten there faster."

"You sound like N'vanik." Her tone was sad and fond at the same time. "Don't waste your energy blaming yourself, J'nus."

**You weren't there.** He said nothing, too tired to argue when he knew he was right. There was every chance that Kapera would hate him when she woke up, and he wouldn't blame her. "I wonder what she wants."

"I suppose we'll have to wait and see." Aching loss tried to claw its way up Talryne's throat. But Kapera wasn't gone. Not yet. "Whatever happens, you don't have to be alone."

}:I am with you,:{ Kopth echoed.

The bronzerider managed a small smile. "That's kind of you to say."

"I know you don't want to hear a bunch of empty words right now, but I mean it. J'nus . . ." Talryne closed her eyes for a moment. "Taking care of her will be the hardest thing you ever do."

"I'm not leaving her." J'nus' hand tightened around Kapera's.

N'vanik had become that person for her, but Talryne hadn't had anyone, not really, in those early days after she lost Ysanth. Would Kapera have a better chance of surviving with a loving weyrmate ready to care for her? "Then you need to be willing to lean on other people. If you burn out then you won't have anything left, and she needs you to be strong." And if Kapera couldn't face life without Riyanth, it was clearly going to destroy J'nus.

Anger flared, then died. He was so tired. There was also no way that he was going to leave Kapera to wake up alone. "I'm not going to let her down, Talryne. And I'm not going to leave her."

"Then you're going to need to _take care of yourself_," Talryne said firmly but gently. "Maybe not today or tomorrow, but when she wakes up, _when_," she emphasized it as much to herself as to him. She wasn't ready to let her friend go. "you're going to need to find a way to live, not just survive."

That seemed impossibly far away. J'nus didn't want to think about it. Losing Riyanth meant losing the life that they'd envisioned together-- and he couldn't face that right now. "I'm not going to leave her," he repeated.

Talryne sighed softly. J'nus was clearly a wreck and wasn't hearing anything she was saying. "Is it okay if I stay here until N'vanik is done talking to D'hol?"

"Of course." Perhaps, if she woke up, Kapera would appreciate another friendly face.

Talryne moved to the other side of the bed, looking down at the pale, drawn face that had been so full of life the last time she'd seen Kapera. **Please wake up.**

The silence stretched, broken only by the faint, uneven sound of Kapera's breathing. J'nus didn't look up as Talryne sat to take up vigil on Kapera's other side, but while she was there he felt a little more hopeful, and a little less alone.

Last updated on the April 10th 2025

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