You Might Sorta... Kinda.. Be a Father?

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 25th September 2020

Characters: Saidrene, K'ran
Description: Saidrene tells K'ran that he might be a father
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 2, day 7 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: J'ackt, Alina

Saidrene

K'ran

Seeing K'ran in the Dining Cavern with lots of prying eyes and listening ears was not the way Saidrene had imagined she would see him again for the first time when he came back from Dragonsfall. Springing the news on him that he might possibly be a father was not something Saidrene wanted to just blurt out over a plate of fish in the Dining Cavern.

Even now as she smoothed a hand over the modest baby bump that she hid behind a roomy tunic, she considered the idea of running back to her weyr and hiding out for a few more days. J'ackt was a known quantity, she knew him well enough to know that when he found out he would flip. K'ran, however, K'ran she did not know well enough yet to be able to predict what his reaction might be.

Hadn't they just been tentatively feeling out their relationship before Riyanth's flight? He had asked her to be patient with him while he tried to figure out what he wanted, and now telling him that she was pregnant might seem like she was trying to put a noose around his neck.

}:Rogueth, my rider is standing outside your rider's door. Perhaps if he will open it she can go inside?:{ Ashareth said to the bronze, not understanding why her rider was just standing and staring at a wooden portal.

}:I will tell him,:{ Rogueth said to the green.

K'ran stood up from his comfortable couch and approached his door, opening it to find Saidrene. "Hey," he said. "Rogueth said you were outside. Please, come on in."

All of the things she had rehearsed in her mind suddenly evaporated. "Welcome back," she found herself saying.

"Thank you. It's good to be back. Being stuck at Dragonsfall was...unfortunate, but clarifying." He waved her inside.

"Clarifying," she asked as she walked in, finding the smell of him and his things comforting.

He gesture at the couch. "Want anything to drink?" And then answered her with, " It convinced me that Barrier Lake is my true home now. I told you before that I've always been a traveler. I've been to many Weyrs. I thought maybe Dragonfall would feel like home. But all I could think of was coming back here."

That was a relief, a part of her had worried that his clarity involved whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with her, or that he preferred to stay at Dragonsfall.

"No thank you," she said to the drink, afraid it would upset her already sensitive stomach. "I was worried about you," she admitted. "I would have come to Dragonsfall but...."

He poured himself juice and settled on his couch, patting it to invite her to sit beside him, wondering if instead she'd sit across from him. She seemed a little somber. He had to admit that he was relieved she said she'd missed him at all. He'd wondered, after no word.

"Was it very busy here?"

"Yes, not that things weren't busy before, but when Yumath won Riyanth, suddenly everything around the Weyrhold seemed to kick into gear." That was not, of course, why she had not visited him but she was still working up the courage to say that. Saidrene sat beside him, curling her legs beneath her.

He reached out to slide an arm around her shoulder. "I missed you while I was there. I thought perhaps I'd come back and you wouldn't want to see me anymore. That you'd realized you were fine without me."

Saidrene melted into his side, her head finding his shoulder. "Coincidentally, I was worried about almost the same thing, that you'd realize Dragonsfall was home and that you didn't have a reason to come back here."

"No. Not at all." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "How have you and Ashareth been?"

"Fine," she said, although she knew that she had put it off for as long as she could. "I have actually been a little sick lately, which is why I was transferred to the Queen's Wing."

"You caught ill?" He looked over her critically, to see if she was pale or feverish or the like.

Saidrene lifted her head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "I'm pregnant, K'ran. The day I was going to tell you Riyanth rose and then I didn't want to send that kind of news in a letter to Dragonsfall."

"You're...? Oh. _Oh_." The words were first startled, upward rising - then exhaled deeply. It wasn't a tone of negativity when he spoke next, but curiosity. "A letter would have been a rather impersonal way to find out, I agree. Are you keeping the child?"

"Yes, I am." Her eyes diverted for a moment before flicking back to his. "Ashareth had a mating flight just a couple of days before our hunting trip so.... I can't one hundred percent say that the baby is yours."

"I remember that trip. And I remember your flight. We were very disappointed we lost," he admitted.

He swallowed and tried to figure out phrasing for his next words. "Do you _want_ it to be mine? Or is this a courtesy notice only?"

Saidrene reached out for his hand. "I so hope that it is yours. That is what I want. But I don't want you to feel... obligated? I know I told you I would just be patient as you tried to figure out what you want. This sort of is the opposite of that, I know. I've been trying to figure out the best way to tell you so that you didn't think I was trying to rope you into anything."

He took her hand and stroked his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "It's a surprise to hear, but it's not a bad thing. I wouldn't pressure you into taking it /between/, if you were worried about that. And I know that I don't necessarily have to be involved at all, if you don't want or if I don't want. I know you're just telling me the truth - and I value that," he added.

Tears burned the back of her eyes at his kindness, mostly because she knew that she wouldn't be able to expect the same from J'ackt when he found out. "I understand if you need time to think about it, I've had a few sevendays, after all."

"What would I need time to think about?" he asked her. "The way I see it, it's up to the mother. You get to decide what level of involvement you want me to have while you're pregnant, and if you want me to spend time with them once the child is born."

"Forget about me, for a second. What do you want, K'ran? Do you want to be a father?" Saidrene asked.

"I've never really thought about it before. I always assumed it would happen in the standard order..." He remembered she was weyrbred, realized as it was coming out of his mouth that it could be offensive, so he trailed off, qualified it with, "The standard _holder_ order. You know. That I'd weyrmate for a few Turns before thinking about it. And since I've never weyrmated..."

He paused and added. "I've never been presented with a flight child, either, though I know that's always a possibility."

**Oh, wow. If he's looking for the 'standard holder order,' then we're in trouble.** Saidrene knew that she was about as weyrbred as weyrbred could get. "Well, as the holders say, the cart is before the runner here, so...."

He cleared his throat and said, "What I mean is, it's not unwelcome to think about being a father. I'd just never assumed it was a possibility in my life."

"And you would have preferred it to be someone else or someone that you were weyrmated to," she said.

"No, that's not it. I _expected_ it would follow that progression. When I thought about it - which, like I said, didn't happen often. I thought that - you know what I've told you, Saidrene. I travel a lot. I'm not - not - not _used_ to being rooted to a place, or a person. " He fell silent, frustrated by the way his emotions were clogging up his speech and making it stumbling and awkward.

Rogueth leaned mentally on his rider to offer support, sensing that his rider was getting upset. }:Ashareth's will listen to your words. Take time.:{

K'ran took a deep breath and continued. "But that doesn't mean I'm upset - that it happened, or that it was with you."

"Okay," she said but the words did not comfort her very much. Both of the men she'd ever cared about, first J'ackt, and now K'ran, both had preferred a holdbred woman. J'ackt with Alina, and K'ran with the idea of expecting a holdbred-type relationship. She did not know if that was something she could ever be. Perhaps she was more like her mother than she thought. "Right, well.... Now you know, and um... we can proceed however you wish. Like I said, I know it throws a wrench in us just dating and getting to know one another."

"It's not making me _not_ want to court you. I just want you to know I'm not going to turn around and walk away and say I can't court you if you keep it."

Saidrene inwardly cringed at the word 'courting,' it was such a holder term. That was what J'ackt had called it when he'd started dating Alina for real. "Okay." She had never really doubted that he would walk away, he was an incredibly responsible person, and she knew he wouldn't turn his back on a responsibility. "I'm due towards the end of the fifth month. I've already heard the heartbeat but if you want to go to my next appointment and hear it...."

K'ran leaned forward, seeming to light up. "Could I really?"

The corners of her mouth tipped into a little smile. "Of course. I know you'll be busy sometimes, but I'll always let you know when the appointments are."

"I think I can make myself not-busy for something so important."

That brought another smile and a feeling of relief. She had not really made any new friends at Barrier Lake so far and going through the entire pregnancy alone was a daunting thought. "You know, there are some benefits from being pregnant..."

"And what might those be?"

"Increased sex drive, for one," she laughed with a teasing wink, seeming more like her usual self.

"Do you intend to use it to take my mind off my worries?" he teased.

He let go of her hand that he was still holding, and urged her against his side more comfortably. "You'd tell me if there was anything going wrong I could help with, right?"

It would be a very welcome and nice distraction to her own problems, she thought. "Yes, I would," she said, leaning into him comfortably. "I am a little worried about telling J'ackt or even if I should."

"He'll be unhappy, then?"

"That's an understatement. He'll be... livid, I'm sure." She knew how he felt about the possibility of being a father, they'd talked about it before.

He winced. "He should know if there's a possibility. But...would it be easier on him if you told him I'll claim it as mine and you'll treat it as mine regardless?"

"Maybe," she wasn't sure if anything would soften the blow, but she was touched that K'ran was willing to help.

He kissed her forehead comfortingly. "Just tell me how I can help, and I will."

Last updated on the October 13th 2020

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You Might Sorta... Kinda.. Be a Father?