A Petal in the Wind (4/4)

Writers: Heather
Date Posted: 14th February 2020

Characters: Ranni, R'nar
Description: Ranni wakes, finally, to find a waiting R'nar.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 11 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Cyradis, Aviday, Xeladrie

Ranni

Warmth. Warm lights. A warm weight. Colors. Muffled sounds.

Slowly the muffled sounds became clearer, into discernable things that Ranni recognized. The sound of footsteps on a recently mopped floor, leaving behind a soft "sqwuick" sound. The murmurs of healers' voices as they conversed amongst themselves and with other patients. The crisp snap of the privacy sheet as it was moved to and fro whenever a healer came in or out.

There were smells, too. Fresh klah. Redwort. Numbweed.

Like waking from a really long nap, the fuzzy world slowly became sharp once again. She found herself looking up at a stone ceiling. Sweeping her gaze around, she looked down at the stark white sheet and blanket that were tucked around her body

From her periphery, she saw a pair of legs, stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Turning her head slightly, her gaze traveled up the visitors' legs, over his crumpled shirt, to his familiar face. R'nar. There was more facial hair growth on his cheeks than she had ever seen before and underneath his closed eyes, dark circles had taken up residence.

}:There you are!:{ A relieved voice sagged into her mind, and as if a dam had broken she was filled with a flood of emotions from Sukiith.

**What's...?**

}:You've been sleeping too long.:{ Sukiith complained. }:They would not let me in the special room where you are. Panitath and Iorath have kept me company.:{

Ranni blinked, and in a rush, flashes of memory came back to her. The startling middle-of-the-night wake-up, R'nar's panicked face and voice, her head lolling as he ran with her in his arms across the weyrbowl.

Her heart suddenly seized as she saw with vivid detail the small, tiny body of the baby as the healer handed it away to another pair of hands. The baby! What had happened to it? Ranni jerked upright with a grimace, body protesting the sudden movement with a sharp lance of pain through her temples. Looking around the curtained area, Ranni's heart thudded wildly when she saw no signs of a wrapped bundle.

"R'nar?" Her voice was a croak. She cleared her throat with frustration. "R'nar," she said with more force.

The bronzerider's eyes fluttered briefly before he jolted up. "Ranni?" A smile broke out across his handsome face, lighting his dark brown eyes as he leaned over the bed and wrapped his arms around Ranni, hugging her to his chest. "You're awake!"

Ranni frowned slightly as something moist touched her cheek. With shock, she realized that they were tears, but not hers, R'nar's. Why was he crying? "R'nar?"

"You gave us all a scare," he said, pulling back a bit, the hint of a smile tipping the corners of his mouth. The tears made his eyes shimmer.

"R'nar. The baby." She bit the words out carefully, each one trembling as she fought back tears.

"Oh," he smiled. "I guess you would like to see him, huh?"

"Him?" she repeated dumbly.

"A son." R'nar repeated.

She had been so certain it would be a girl. She had planned on naming her something in remembrance of Xeladrie.

"It's... He's alive?" she asked, daring to hope.

"Yes," he said, brushing her hair from her face. "I'll go get him and tell the healers you're awake. They'll want to check you over."

Ranni nodded, suddenly feeling nervous to meet her son. She had not wanted a son. She had not wanted a little R'nar. She had wanted a little girl, someone that belonged only to her. She remembered the way she had complained about her pregnancy and wanting the baby out. Did her son know? Had he realized his mother didn't want him?

R'nar left her and no sooner had he disappeared around the curtain than Journeywoman Meysa appeared to check Ranni's vitals. Ranni barely paid the woman any attention as she was asked questions, instead her eyes were entirely focused on the curtain, waiting for it to move and for R'nar to reappear with their son.

"Here we are," R'nar said, pushing the curtain aside with one hand while cradling a tightly wrapped bundle with the other.

Ranni's arms felt paralyzed by her sides as R'nar bent by the bed, extending his arm and bringing the baby right in front of Ranni. The baby's face was... perfect, Ranni decided as she looked at the soft round cheeks. He had a small button nose, which she was sure would look like R'nar's as he aged, and he had a silky black cap of hair. His little mouth was perfectly proportioned, his top lip curved with a little bow.

"He's beautiful," she breathed.

"You want to hold him?" R'nar encouraged.

Life came back to her arms as she brought them up. She had been nervous that she would feel awkward trying to hold a baby, she had never been around them much, but as her son was placed into her arms he fit there perfectly as if they were two puzzle pieces.

Meysa, who had been supervising, suggested something that at first made Ranni blush, but she agreed with a small nod. R'nar took the baby again while Meysa helped Ranni open the front of her gown. Once her torso was exposed, R'nar unwrapped the baby, who was naked aside from his cloth diaper, and laid him on Ranni's chest.

"Oh," she whispered in surprise as the baby settled, hands and legs drawn up beneath him into a little ball as he laid on her chest. Meysa covered her back up with the white sheet.

"This will help the two of you bond since you've missed some time." Meysa smiled before nodding at R'nar and leaving the little family alone.

With her son lying there nestled between her breasts, still sleeping soundly, Ranni found tears in her eyes, obscuring her vision.

"Ranni? What's the matter?" R'nar asked.

How could she describe it? How could she tell him that she was a horrible mother and the sweet child sleeping against her deserved someone far, far better than she? "He just... Feels so right. Like a piece of me that I didn't realize I was missing," she said with tears coursing down her face.

R'nar smiled, relieved that the tears were from an abundance of emotions and not from pain of any kind. Reaching out he wiped the tears from her face.

"What did you name him?" Ranni asked, realizing she did not know what to call her own son.

"I haven't," R'nar admitted. "I wanted to wait until you were awake. I know how much the name means to you."

With shame, Ranni recalled the way she had told R'nar that there was absolutely no way she wanted the baby to bear any part of R'nar's name. Guilt made her throat constrict. If R'nar had wanted to, if he was the man she had feared he would be, like the holders at Sunstone, he would have named his son already without regard for her preference.

"I don't understand," her voice wavered.

"What?" he asked, brow furrowed slightly as he looked down at her with concern.

"You. Why are you doing this, R'nar? Why aren't you mad at me? Why were you here waiting for me to wake up? Why haven't you already named your son? I've been.... I've been mean, and manipulative. Why are you still here?" She did not understand, at all, why R'nar had not already washed his hands of her. She had no redeemable qualities and had done nothing but make his life miserable since showing up at Dolphin Cove.

R'nar's heart squeezed as he looked down at her. "Because I love you, Ranni." He had told himself that he didn't, that he couldn't or wouldn't, after she had tricked him with the pregnancy and after her cold refusal of him once she'd Impressed Sukiith. Those avowals hadn't changed his heart's mind, however. Love simply wasn't something he could turn off or on.

Ranni stared up at him. "But why?" Why would a handsome, kind, bronzerider, son of Weyrleaders, love her? A drudge turned dragonrider without an honorable deed to her name.

"Sometimes I don't know," he admitted with the touch of a grin on his lips. "You're certainly a challenge, I'll confess, but.... When I found you that night, when Sukiith called for Iorath," his expression sobered, "... you were unresponsive, there was blood, and all I could think about was losing you. Not that I guess I ever really had you." This time the movement of his lips was one of pain.

Ranni felt as if she could hear Aviday's voice saying, "Hello dummy! Wake up! Perfectly good man here, who wants _you_! What are you waiting for?"

"I'm sorry," Ranni said, running a hand along the baby's gently curved back. "I've been....Well, you know how I've been. You deserve better."

R'nar reached out, tilting Ranni's face up so she would look at him. "Then let's do better. Together."

For the first time, a small smile graced the greenrider's features. "Okay."

The bronzerider bent and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Good. Now, this little guy needs a name. All of the healer staff have been calling him Speedy, for his quick arrival. If we don't act soon he'll think that's his name, and there's no proper way to elide Speedy. Sp'dy. Pee'dy." R'nar shook his head facetiously.

Ranni giggled as she considered it.

"How about Eranar?" she suggested, a blend of their full names, Averanni and Ranar.

"Are you sure? That's got an awful lot of his father's name in it," R'nar said with a wicked grin.

Ranni felt her heart flutter a bit. "I'm sure." She hoped Eranar grew up to be just like his father.

"Eranar it is, then," he bent and this time kissed her lips. "I'll tell my mom, I'm sure she's ready to make sure his name is embroidered on all of his blankets."

"All of his blankets? How many does he have?" Ranni asked.

"Oh, he's quite the ladies' man already. You should see all of the items he has wracked up while we've been waiting for you to wake."

The generosity of complete strangers humbled Ranni. Why would they all care about one child? Was it because it was the Weyrwoman's grandson? No, something told her it wasn't just that, but this was what the Weyr did. Since she had arrived everyone had continued repeating that the Weyr was a large, extended family, and now for the first time, she was beginning to see how true that was.

Last updated on the February 15th 2020

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A Petal in the Wind (4/4)