He's Just Not That Into It

Writers: Aaron, Avery
Date Posted: 8th November 2017

Characters: K'don, L'pin
Description: Kedon is worried about sex, or not, or something.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 11 of Turn 9

K'don

Kedon had never been preoccupied with sex. It was not something on his
mind – at least, not when it came to doing it himself. He knew he was
a bit young for it, but he also knew that some of the other weyrbrats
his age were already thinking about it a lot. The boys, mostly, as far
as he had heard.

He knew people had sex in the Weyr, and he knew it was not a big deal
like it was in the Holds. He knew the mechanics of it – it was not as
though it was easy to miss it while working with beasts. But he did
not feel as though he was developing the same interest.

And until he talked to Vatirel about what kind of dragon liked what
kind of person, it had never concerned him. Vatirel seemed to think
dragons were especially concerned with who their rider wanted to have
sex with. Now, he found himself worrying that no dragon would want a
person who was not particularly interested in sex at all.

As L'pin had offered to answer any questions he had, Kedon decided to
seek a bit of reassurance – he hoped.

"Excuse me, sir," said Kedon as he knocked on L'pin's office door.
"Are you busy?"

"I'm not. Come on in, take a seat," the bluerider invited. He made two
more marks on the hide he was looking at and then slid it over to the
side of the desk. "What's going on today?"

Kedon entered and sat down as bidden. He briefly glanced toward the
desk in hopes there might be more cookies, but he tried not to seem
disappointed not to see any.

"Well. Sir." He ran his fingers through his hair. It was not exactly
an awkward topic – he was not embarrassed about sex. But he was a
little concerned that he might seem foolish for worrying so much.
Which only compounded his worry.

"I was talking to some of the other Candidates about colors of dragons
– you know, we talked about it before. About wanting whatever color
wants me," Kedon began, referring to their earlier interview. "And,
well. They were saying that dragons care an awful lot about who you
like. I mean, who you want to bed. That a bronze wouldn't want me if I
liked boys," he went on.

"But. Well. The way it is, is kinda like this – I don't much like boys
or girls. Or." He sighed and rubbed his face. "That's not exactly it.
More like, I don't care about what parts someone has. I mean, I really
don't care about their parts. At all. And they were saying maybe I'm
just too young, and maybe that's right, but..."

"Well, you know, my voice is breaking, and I've got hair starting to
grow places, and I just still don't care. Other boys, they care, even
at my age. They, you know, enjoy their alone time. I don't really like
to do that, either."

"So. I was worried now that if I don't ever want to have sex that
maybe no dragon would ever want me." Kedon took a deep breath and
looked up to try to gauge L'pin's expression after all that.

That was quite a lot going on in Kedon's head. L'pin carefully
listened to the boy's concerns and took note of them. He wanted to
hear out all of how the Candidate was feeling before he tried to
respond to anything he was saying.

Overall, he could see why Kedon was worried, and he aimed to reassure him.

"It is a pastime of Candidates, Weyrlingstaff, and Searchriders to
theorize about exactly why some people were appealing to some colors
of dragons and not to others. But I want you to know that none of us
have a real answer to it, in the end. All we have are patterns that we
observe, and guesses we can make from there," the Weyrlingmaster's
Third began.

"Sexuality seems to have _something_ to do with Impression. It's true
that I can't think of a single bronzerider I know who likes to spend
time with men. Unfortunately, I've had a crush on an unattainable
bronzerider before. It's a hard lesson to learn," L'pin said
cheerfully."It's also true that nearly all male greenriders like men
romantically. Again, it's a pattern we can notice."

"It makes sense to assume that that's a defining factor. After all,
flights are one of the most difficult times of being a dragonrider.
You have to be in tune with your dragon when she rises, or he chases,
and you have to be willing to accept the consequences of it. Otherwise
there are risks to the bond and to both your lives."

He wasn't going to sugarcoat how risky it could be for someone to go
into a flight completely unprepared. But he also didn't want to
terrify Kedon into thinking his lack of interest was going to make him
un-Impressable or a bad rider if he did.

"I do think it's possible that they're right and you're still a bit
young to know yourself. Once you have the stirring of a desire for
that alone time in your bunk, that leads into knowing who you want to
be with, what parts you like. I think in some cases, when you don't
quite know, the color a man Impresses can tell you something about
yourself," he added.

Kedon nodded, though his brow remained furrowed. So far, the answer
continued to be something along the lines of, "you'll just have to
wait and find out." Kedon was not ordinarily an impatient boy, but it
seemed that he was going to be spending an awful long time trying to
Impress while potentially never finding the answer to his question.
Nobody knows the answer. So there's no point in worrying.
Kedon would eventually be able to do it, to stop worrying. But not for
the time being, it seemed.
"How old do I have to get before I'm not too young to know any more?" he asked.

"That seems to depend on the person, I have to admit. I knew at 14,"
L'pin said, figuring he'd phrase it politely. "I've consoled weyrlings
who Impress at 17 and said they had no idea."

"I'm not going to cry if I Impress a green," said Kedon. "I'm not scared a dragon is going to tell me I like boys deep down inside in more ways than one. I'm more scared that I'm just never going to Impress because I'm not what any dragon wants." He hated anyone to think he was harboring any deep seated fears and hangups like a Hold boy would.

"I'm sorry to bother you with this, sir. I get that you're saying you don't know. It just... helps to talk about it, I guess. I've started to get really excited about switching over to healing dragons and fighting to keep people safe and being like my dad and everything, and it just feels like... like I'm scared it's something I can't ever have."

"You don't have to be interested in sex yet. But I'm curious. Is it just disinterest? There's no active repulsion at the idea of sex or flights?" It was the latter that could cause the most trouble, L'pin knew. Indifference could be worked with, if it would hopefully turn to willingness when the time came.

"I don't think it's gross or anything," said Kedon. "I'd probably even do it with someone I really liked if they really wanted it." He shrugged. "I just don't care about it myself. I still like cuddling and kissing and stuff like that. I have kissed before." He folded his arms as though sticking up for himself.

"Then I think you'll be all right for flights," L'pin said.

"As for if a dragon would choose you...I know we keep saying we don't know, but the man who can always predict what a dragon wants could be the richest one on Pern."

"I wish I had one to tell me not to worry now," said Kedon frumpily, sagging in his seat. "At least I won't have to worry about it for a while after the eggs finally hatch. How much longer?" he asked. It had not even been a month, but it felt like forever.

L'pin laughed. "It's been about three sevendays. I'd say another one, maybe two if they're slow."

"Not soon enough," sighed Kedon. "At least I know Dad was 16 before Donneth found him. It'll be easier to wait once the Hatching is over. Thanks for listening to me fret, sir."

"And I was 19 before Chaneth appeared for me. I wish you the best at the Hatching, Kedon. And feel free to come by before then if you need to."

Last updated on the December 10th 2017

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He's Just Not That Into It