Difficult Acceptance

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 21st November 2017

Characters: Saidrene, J'ackt, K'yne
Description: The confrontation between father and son continues
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 1 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned; Timassa, Saibra
Follows "Is It Him?"

Saidrene

J'ackt

K'yne

J'ackt approached Zith with every intention of leaving that very
moment. His entire body buzzed with anger, frustration, and an odd
swell of grief that he could not fathom. In truth, it was all such a
jumble that he didn't know how to even begin sorting through all of
the thoughts he was having.

As he reached Zith, he expected the bronze to crouch immediately to
allow him to climb upwards and strap in, but his dragon did the
unexpected and remained upright. }:Not yet. You must calm. Breath like
the MindHealer says. Your mind is too upset to /between/. :{

**Zith, shaffit all, I want to leave! Now get down here!**

The large head lowered and pressed against J'ackt's side gently. }:
Breathe, Mine. Deep breaths. When your mind is clearer, we can leave.:{

"J'ackt, wait up!" Saidrene called, trailing behind him across the
weyrbowl. Ashareth was near Zith, anticipating a departure. "Don't
leave yet," she touched a hand to his shoulder.

Fuming at his bronze's stubbornness, when Saidrene touched him, he
visibly started. It was a testament to his distraction; it was only
very rarely that he was that unaware of his surroundings. He didn't
immediately turn around, instead, he leaned forward to Zith and
pressed his brow to the warm hide for just a moment. Taking a shaking
breath, he then slowly turned to face Saidrene. He looked at her and
spoke softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't want that to be true." He visibly
struggled to say more and felt his eyes grow suddenly moist.

Growling at the swell of unaccustomed emotion, he turned away again
and leaned against Zith, supporting his brow with a forearm.

Saidrene leaned against Zith beside of him. "Me either, but... We'll
deal with it." she murmured. She didn't know how they were going to
deal with it, not when their entire relationship was being turned
upside down.

He shook his head, eyes closed tightly, then rose and pulled Saidrene
into his arms to embrace her. "How could he do it?" He spoke softly.
"How could he just bed her and leave her? Didn't she go though enough
before that?"

"I'm sure there's more to it than that," Saidrene said softly,
returning his embrace.

The soft clearing of a throat made her turn.

"I didn't leave her," it was K'yne, voice soft, eyes somber. "I would
like to know how she died."

J'ackt immediately stiffened and looked up, his expression hardening.
"Why the feck should you care? You _did_ leave her there, you and
Timassa both. Left her to rot with a man that enjoyed beating his
family when he got drunk....which was every single fecking day, even
when we were Holdless. " His arms remained around Saidrene, if only to
keep himself steady and not loose his anger completely.

Zith turned his attention to this new person, his head lifting to
examine K'yne with intense speculation.

K'yne's jaw tightened at the information. "I didn't leave her, I
offered to take her with me, she told me she would send me a message
when she was ready for me to collect her." His fists clenched. "I
would have killed that bastard she married, and she knew it."

J'ackt snorted. "And you never bothered to check on her, did you?
Neither of you." His grip on Saidrene tightened almost imperceptibly
and his voice grew bitter. "She was carrying his child when he decided
to try to beat me for not catching anything on a hunt. He knocked her
down and hit her because she got in the way, trying to protect me."
J'ackt swallowed hard at the memory that was still clear in his mind.
"He refused to go to the hold to ask for help while she giving birth
to my little sister. They both died." The bitterness in his voice
couldn't hide his own pain. "He made me watch as he burned them both."
He remembered clearly that he had tried to attack Jenasom that day and
was soundly beaten for the attempt.

"Ocktima was master of her own mind, if she'd wanted me to take her
away she would have contacted me. If I would have come for her without
asking she wouldn't have left with me, regardless." To hear of how she
died was a dagger to the heart. He could so clearly see how she had
looked that night in his mind's eye, how she had promised she would
send for him, how he had went away so hopeful that she would.... He
had loved her. "It doesn't help you now, and you don't have to believe
it, I would have come for you, for you both. I didn't, you can blame
me for that, that's fair."

"I do blame you for it." J'ackt snapped back. "We were Holdless! How
the feck could she contact you then? Why didn't you come back and look
for her? To check on her? Did you even care enough to try? Why didn't
you and Timassa just try to look?" He could accept that K'yne knew
nothing of him, but felt that he had been just as abandoned.
"We had _nothing_! Why did you fecking leave us like that?"

K'yne didn't have a clear cut answer, he just took the words, after
all, there was some truth in them. How could he not have pressed
Ocktima more about returning to the Weyr? Why had he taken her silence
as an insult? **I did take it as an insult. I was sure she didn't
really love me, that she'd chosen the holder bastard instead... But
the reality...** He imagined her image burning away in the fire with
an infant in her arms.

"If you were Holdless it would have been hard to find you anyway,
which was probably by the bastard's design. She was afraid that night,
afraid that he would find out she'd been seen with a dragonrider." The
brownrider pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and pinched.
If he'd just gone back after her how might he have changed his life?
Not only his life, but Ocktima and J'ackt's too. And that baby girl in
the fire? Could have been _their_ daughter had he but gone after her
and taken her away, even if she had hated him for it.

"I can't change it. If I could go back... I would bring her with me to
the Weyr, whether she wanted to or not. I would have...." He trailed
off and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. It's done." He lifted his
eyes to look at J'ackt. His one shot at fatherhood, gone.

Saidrene's arms around him steadied him and calmed him, preventing his
temper from careening wildly. Even as he kept his arms around her, his
bitterness still held in place. "Aye, it's done. At least now I know
why he hated me." His eyes flicked over K'yne, recognizing some of his
own features and coloring in the man. "And why he called me a bastard.
It's pretty fecking obvious I look like you." His hand stroked down
Saidrene's hair, the movement jerky but gentle. His eyes narrowed just
a little. "My mother...did you love her? When you were together, you
treated her good?"

"I did. I loved her. When she left the Weyr after her dragon
/betweened/...." K'yne trailed off and shook his head. It had been
difficult, and just when he thought his heart was healing he'd run
into her at that Gather and it had stirred up all of the feelings he'd
thought he'd buried. His eyes followed J'ackt's movements, recognizing
that the familiarity and tenderness between his niece and son...
**You've got to be kidding me!** The realization made him sick.

His eyes didn't move from the man's face, so when he saw the
realization come over him as he watched Saidrene, J'ackt immediately
grew defensive and protective; he was glad that Saidrene hadn't seen
the expression. "Don't." He snapped. "She didn't know and neither did
I. Now she does and it fecking hurts her, okay? So don't you say a
shaffing thing about it."

"Wasn't going to," K'yne said, lifting his hands. It was true what
L'pin and Cyradis said, he was protective of women. He'd been very
restrained on Saidrene's behalf, and he'd shown Saibra respect as
well.

The last thing Saidrene wanted was for this to be about her, when it
should be about K'yne and J'ackt, yet she could feel warm tears
pressing against her eyes. It did hurt her, it hurt her because now
her relationship with J'ackt felt wrong, even though they'd been
perfect strangers until a couple of Turns prior.

Hands stroked Saidrene's hair as he glowered at K'yne, now motivated
to protect his dearest friend from any assumptions or judgments. He
looked down at her, seeing her face still buried against him and
murmured, "Let's go. We'll need to figure out things." He kissed her
brow, uncaring what K'yne thought about the gesture and with an arm
around her, led her away towards Ashareth.

K'yne watched them go, Saidrene, who was like the daughter he'd never
had, and J'ackt, the son he'd never known.

Last updated on the November 27th 2017

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Difficult Acceptance