An Uneasy Retirement

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 23rd October 2017

Characters: K'lvin, Kehyan
Description: K'lvin has a discussion with his mindhealer.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 4 of Turn 9

K'lvin sighed as he stared down at his plate of food.

**Food. If you can call it that.** He snorted to himself. The
bronzerider's plate was brimming with an assortment of veggies, some raw,
and the others freshly steamed to be crunchy. Ever since his heart attack
he had been restricted by the healers to maintain a diet free of fatty
meats.

He was allowed to exercise, for now, only walking, which annoyed K'lvin,
because he found himself so easily winded by a task that had been as easy
as breathing before his heart attack. The month or so of healthy eating
had trimmed pounds off of him, not that he had ever been over-weight, but
his muscles were becoming leaner, rangier.

He hadn't given up hope of one day working his way out of retirement and
into a fighting Wing, even though his healer just shook his head
sympathetically each time K'lvin brought it up. The risk and strain on his
heart was too great, anything that caused a high level of stress or
exertion, such as fighting Thread, put him in danger of another heart
attack.

The bronzerider glanced up as his mindhealer approached, "There you are. I
was about to start without you." He gestured sarcastically at his plate of
veggies.

Kehyan smiled at K'lvin. He was bearing his own plate of steamed fish and
rivergrain, with a small pile of vegetables on the side. "I apologize for
the delay, I was seeing another patient who ran over on their time. I
appreciate you meeting me over a meal."

"Being able to have conversation helps me take my mind off of the fact
that I don't have a thick, juicy cut of meat on my plate." K'lvin said,
spearing some leafy greens on his fork.

"Did you really like it before?" Kehyan asked casually. He knew riders
generally needed high amounts of protein for their muscles and many chose
to find it in fatty meat. He'd always preferred fish though.

K'lvin's eyes slid shut as he chewed, imagining instead it was a cut of
meat, "Mmhmm, blackened tenderloin, seared to perfection...."

"That does sound appealing," the mindhealer said. "Outside of the meals,
is anything else frustrating you?"

"Anything other than the fact that I went from a perfectly active career
as a dragonrider to stopping cold wherry? Or the fact that I could just go
back and...." K'lvin cut himself short. /Timing it/ wasn't common
knowlege, it was suppose to be left to the metallics. "Never mind," he
grumbled.

"You want to go back and look through the ruins?" Kehyan guessed.

"Not exactly." He wanted to go back in time and pull Bahji out of the Weyr
before it collapsed on her, the way Lanniya had pulled her family to
safety in the storm that had originally killed them. But it was no use
even brooding over it, Xmrenth had already made it clear that he didn't
plan on taking K'lvin anywhere in time.

K'lvin sipped on his glass of red wine, which was his only consolation,
since healer's said it was good, in moderation, for the health of his
heart.

Kehyan thought it would be good if K'lvin had duties to occupy him that
weren't of the kind of stress that would harm him. It would be best, he
thought, if ranking riders saw the usefulness in having a retired
wingleader and sought him out, rather than K'lvin having to go ask.

"Have any of the leadership started talking to you about other duties to
pick up? Like the weyrlingstaff?"

"Nope." Why would they? K'lvin thought. Dolphin Cove was brimming with
perfectly healthy dragonriders that could carry out tasks. What would they
ask him to do that the others could not? "I work some days in the dragon
infirmary, but I'm only allowed simple tasks until the healers clear me
for more."

That was disappointing and Kehyan decided he'd speak to someone about it.
He hummed to himself. "Before Thread, what did you want to do with your
life?"

"Before Thread? We always knew it would be returning, I always had my eyes
set on that. While we waited I became a dragonhealer, I'm technically a
Senior Journeyman, but that took a back seat during the Pass." K'lvin
pushed around a particularly orange vegetable, "I could always work
towards Master, I suppose." But it didn't sound like his heart was in
it...

"It's important work," Kehyan said. "Even if you don't go for your
Mastery, it's making a tangible difference. You never wanted anything
else, though? To be a courier, or teach children?"

"No, I wanted to be a dragonman and fight Thread, it's in my blood."
K'lvin replied simply, he hadn't anticipated what a large part of him it
would become. "You don't have to say it, I sound like a petulant child."

"You sound like someone who's lost a dream. That's not childish to me,"
Kehyan said gently. "I've talked to a few others who felt that way. I've
known that."

Lost a dream? K'lvin hadn't thought about it like that, but it was true.
He'd lost his dream job, and his dream family, all in one fell swoop.

"I guess it's just going to take me a little while to find a new dream."
He had to do something, Kaliha and Kylene were still depending on him.

"It's a good goal to work towards eventually. Having a dream that matters
to you has kept many a man going in the morning," the mindhealer said.
"Even without a dream to be passionate about, finding one or two things
you're looking forward to doing can help keep you going along the way."

"Well, I am really looking forward to a big, thick cut of steak next
sevenday," K'lvin said, chewing aggressively on his vegetables. "Healers
say I can have it 'once in a while' so next sevenday is the first time
since the attack. I suppose that'll keep me going until then."

"That sounds like it will be nice," the mindhealer said. Any goal was a
good goal right now.

"It's better than nothing." K'lvin replied.

But it wouldn't be something that could keep K'lvin invested in his life
for the long-term. Kehyan knew that his dragon's support would help -
despair severe enough to consider suicide was almost exclusively found in
non-dragonriders who didn't have that - but K'lvin needed something
outside of that. He didn't seem the kind for a quiet beach retirement,
content with a life-well lived and his dragon. He was the kind of man who
needed to have a task and feel useful, to _do_ and mean something.

There were a variety of options available to retired dragonpairs and it
was a matter of finding what would work best for K'lvin. Watchriding and
message-couriering seemed too menial a duty for someone with his
background. A patient like this would require a task where he could
utilize his background and really matter to someone or something. The
mindhealer resolved to spend the sevenday until their next meeting
looking for something for the man.

Last updated on the November 2nd 2017

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An Uneasy Retirement