So Tired

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 11th July 2017

Characters: R'enh, Lanniya
Description: R'enh has to help Lanniya before she reaches her breaking point.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 12, day 20 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned; Cyradis, Lenala, Kapera

R'enh

Lanniya

As the sun was setting, Lanniya helped calm the last green that they
were going to treat that evening. She backed away as the rider
comforted the dragon, then without a word walked slowly over to the
bucket of clean water. She looked down at her hands as she held them
over the bucket, then swallowed hard. They were covered in ichor, and
she could still hear the moans of another dragon as he tried to get
rest.

Her hands trembled as she thrust them into the water and began trying
to viciously scrub them clean. They hadn't been able to help all of
them. There had still been high pitched keens of grief. Unknowingly,
tears streaked down her face as she attacked her hands.

): Mine? :( Anaeryth's voice broke through. ): You are hurting
yourself:( The gold moved over to hover protectively.

Lanniya turned to Anaeryth, hiding her face against the soft hide. The
dragon crooned softly, trying to comfort as her rider broke into sobs.

"Hey hey," R'enh had walked in to check on the young goldrider. He and
Mnoranth had been keeping an eye on the other pair when the bronze had
warned his rider of the deepening stress on Lannaiya.

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and tried to get a look at her face.

Lanniya shook her head, trying to keep her face buried in Anaeryth's
hide. She spoke through her sobs, barely understandable. "I can't do
it. I can't do this. There's so much ichor and pain and I'm trying to
be a good weyrwoman and stay calm and help but its too much. I'm
horrible at this and now everyone's going to know that I can't handle
it like I'm supposed to."

"You can," he said softly. "You have been doing it. Have you seen
their faces? All the dragons and riders here perked up when Anaeryth
arrived. She's been a comfort in the midst of all the loss, just by
being here." He didn't want to intrude on her space but for this trip
he was her bronzrider and it was _his_ duty to her and Dolphin Cove to
keep her safe. "Look," he said. "Just look."

"I can't." Lanniya covered her face with shaking hands even as
Anaeryth moved away just enough for Lanniya's face not to be
completely buried in her hide. "I don't want to be here anymore. My
friends are hurt or dead and I can't help like Cyradis or Kapera and I
can't take Lenala's place either." Her hands pulled away to reveal a
grief stricken, strained face. "They'd be calm and be in control and
organize things and I can't even block out the dragons right now and I
do that all the time! I I'm a horrible weyrwoman!" She covered her
face again and sat abruptly, tucking her knees up to her chest.

It was more than just her own uncertainty about her position or her
own abilities. Seeing her friends hurt, people she hand known dead,
and her home destroyed was almost too much for her to handle. If she
felt lost, what were they feeling? How could she ever help them feel
better when she hadn't been here like she should have been to help?
Guilt ate at her. "I should have been here. If I hadn't done stupid
things, I would have been here."

"No," he said and squatted down next to her. "Don't blame yourself.
That is not what we need right now. No one can learn that kind of
stuff over night, Lanniya." He put a hand on her knee and looked into
her face intently. "If you didn't have the ability to do this Anaeryth
would never have chosen you. Don't you see?"

He nodded toward the dragons around them. "Some people are just calm
in a crisis and break down after it's over. Others fling their hands
in the air and run around screaming." He half smiled. "Trust me I'm
not handling this all that well on the inside. I don't think anyone
could. But those people out there need us to look strong and in
control, no matter that we want to just fling our hands in the air and
run around screaming."

"But I'm not strong." Lanniya whispered, peeking over her knees at the
dragons and people. She hugged her knees tighter and wiped at her
face, sniffing. "I don't feel like I am. I don't want to see any more
blood or injuries or ichor and I'm so tired...but I can't leave
because they need Anaeryth and she's their queen now. But...it's so
much to do and I just..." Her lower lip trembled as she tried to fight
back another surge of tears and succeeded, but only barely. She chewed
on her lip, scoring it. "I'm so tired."

"Well, I think everyone is tired," he said. "Would she let you go get
some rest at maybe Dragonsfall?" The suggestion was something he'd
planned knowing she had someone there to comfort her. "Mnoranth and I
can take you and bring you back once you wake. Just call us."

}:You may take her. She needs rest. :{ Anaeryth spoke to Mnoranth, her
voice concerned. }: I can remain and keep my dragons here calm. :{ Her
wings shifted on her back as she settled in.

Lanniya looked up at Anaeryth, grateful. "She'll stay." Looking back
at R'enh, she nodded. "Thank you."

"Let's go then and get you comfortable." He stood in one smooth motion
and reached out to pull her to her feet.

Mnoranth's warm voice filled their inner ears. }:I will be very
careful with yours,:{ he promised. Offering a leg he made it easy for
the two of them to mount.

Exhausted and thankful, Lanniya rose with R'enh's help and giving
Mnoranth a pat, climbed up and strapped herself in. Anaeryth just
inclined her head in response to the bronze and settled down, keeping
her eye on them even as they readied to go.

Soon they were aloft and Mnoranth made one last salute to the queen
before he brought them safe to Dragonsfall.

Last updated on the July 28th 2017

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So Tired