We Have Nothing to Lose

Writers: Avery, Miriah
Date Posted: 28th June 2017

Characters: Kapera, D'hol
Description: Kapera comes to check in on D'hol.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 18 of Turn 8

Kapera

D'hol

D'hol stared at the bottle in front of him, still full and untouched
from the time he had procured it from the stores. With a grunt, he
uncorked it and poured a healthy amount into a waiting glass. He
swirled the golden liquid in the glass, watching as the light played
through the glass before he tipped it back and swallowed it in one
gulp.

He waited for the familiar burn, but it was smoother than he expected,
so just sighed with appreciation. He poured another helping and leaned
back in his chair, staring at the table with an absolute blank
expression on his face. He felt numb and he was hoping the spirits
made him more so.

Kapera had heard about Jeyme's decision to leave via the dragons'
gossip. Immediately, she wondered how D'hol was doing. So she knocked
on the door of D'hol's weyr, bearing a gift of fine brandy with her.

"Come in." He didn't look up immediately, but kept staring at the
glass until he heard footsteps. Noting they were feminine, he looked
up, half expecting Jeyme to have returned, bringing Dheymin with. When
he saw Kapera, he blinked then raised his glass. "Had the same idea?"

"I wanted to check in on you, and it looks like you need it," she said
empathetically.

He gave a bitter snort and tossed back the drink, feeling its warmth
slide down his throat like a blessing. "Jeyme...." He scowled at the
table. "Up and left and took my son." He poured another drink, then
paused, rose and grabbed another glass. He set it down in front of
Kapera. "If you're here, you're going to drink with me, shaffit." He
poured her a full glass and sat back down.

She lifted the glass to her lip and took a drink, then coughed
slightly. "She wouldn't let you foster him here?"

He shook his head. "No. The little bitch wanted to hit me where it
hurt." His laugh was pained, but it wasn't full of grief, not yet. Her
loss hadn't really hit him yet. "She did it to. And with Cyradis'
help. " He laughed again and tossed back the drink before the glass
down on the table. "Our lovely Weyrwoman got in her licks too."

"By letting Jeyme transfer away with him?"

He nodded. "Hmmhmm. She could have denied the transfer." He paused and
poured another drink, feeling his ears grow pleasantly warm. "Both of
them are acting like they're Holdbred prudes."

"As Cyradis threw in my face, they both are." The second gulp went
down her throat better than the first. "They act like weyrmating is
some sacred legal contract like a Hold marriage is. It isn't and it
can't be."

"Agreed! And even most marriages in a Hold aren't for love like
Weyrmating is. It's contacts and trade agreements and alliances." He
snorted. "What they don't get...either of them...is that bedding
someone isn't a commitment. It's enjoyable." He picked up the brandy
that she had brought and opened it. He sniffed the top, then nodded
his appreciation before pouring himself another glass. "It's mutual
shaffing attraction. Neither one of us..." He gestured with his finger
between them, "expected anything more than just enjoying ourselves.
Faranth, you're not in love with me and I'm not in love with you."

The goldrider drained her glass and poured a second for herself,
drinking as he spoke. "Exactly. You and I had fun, because we're both
attractive, passionate people."

"I don't understand why you'd just bed the same person over and over
again, with no variety in it. Cyradis told me about her and K'deren
being weyrmates emotionally and" how she just 'knows' he's right for
her. And because she feels that way about him emotionally, she's happy
only sleeping with him, and she doesn't care about having any outside
options. And I don't _get_ it," Kapera confessed.

She'd given up on understanding the simmering tension between her and
J'nus, the way she couldn't get away from seeing or sleeping with him
completely either. They orbited around each other like the moons in
the sky, sometimes full and shining and sometimes shadowed but with
promise. There was no way to try to define it. But it didn't make her
think of weyrmating, of exclusively committing to him.

"I mean, I can understand that he means something to her. I have
people who... mean something to me," she said. "But I don't
understand why having an emotional connection to someone means you
have to sleep with them, and only them. What if you're emotionally
into someone and they're the worst lay? Or they don't want to have sex
at all? Sex is just sex."

D'hol snorted. "Only him, hm? She beds N'vanik occasionally and before
Panitath rises. And trust me, when she was weyrmated before with
N'lon, she had no problems sharing my bed." He took a longer drink ,
but didn't quite drain his glass. "She loved two men at the same
time...or so she said. Lately I'm thinking she just liked having two
men at her beck and call and making fools out of themselves over her."
He grimaced and stared at his glass for a moment. "Shards, I loved
that woman."

He shook his head and tossed back the remainder of his glass, before
eyeing Kapera. He arched a brow and quirked his lip. "Weyrbred
weyrmate because sometimes it's the only thing that will keep someone
you love with you." He gave snort. "Or because its the only thing
they'll accept and when you love them..." He shrugged. "People do
ridiculous things. "

"Wait, Cyradis bedded N'vanik outside of just Panitath's flights?"
Kapera asked in shock. She hasn't known. If the Weyrwoman was
indulging in N'vanik on the side, while still weyrmated to K'deren,
didn't that make her a hypocrite?

"Gold dragons think all the bronzes are theirs. They can consort among
them at will, but Faranth forbid a bronze she sees as hers choose
another gold. Maybe she thought she deserved you both but you had to
be loyal to her."

As she said it, she realized she thought the same way about herself.
Why shouldn't she have D'hol and J'nus and N'vanik and R'enh all if
she wanted them? But the idea of J'nus winning Cyradis' flight would
be... she shied away from considering it. Instead, she poured and took
another drink.

"Yes, she did. Still does. Wants to keep him as Weyrleader. " He would
not have said anything if he was fully sober, but as it was, the
alcohol had loosened his lips. "And him with his own weyrmate,
Talryne. But yet we've done something horrible. She'd say it was all
for the Weyr." He looked over at Kapera and arched a cynical brow.
"And Jeyme, I think she was just too fecking young to understand." His
gaze hardened. "But that doesn't mean a shaffing thing now."

Then Cyradis was a hypocrite, and the accusations the older goldrider
had thrown at her about how much better hall or holdbred people were
were all a lie. Wasn't that a shock?

"Weyrmating sounds like sacrificing yourself to make someone else happy."

D'hol shrugged. "Depends, I suppose. "He finished another drink,
feeling the full effect of the alcohol. "I'll be shafted if I ever do
it again. First time, only fecking time." He shook his head and for a
moment his eyes misted only to be rapidly blinked away as he cleared
his throat. "I'll bed whoever I want. "

"You don't have to dance to Jeyme's tune, or Cyradis'. They don't
understand you, maybe they never did," she agreed. "They have no right
to yell at us when they've done the same sharding things."

Jeyme hadn't actually, that he was aware of, but he didn't counter
Kapera or defend her. D'hol poured his glass full, then refilled
Kapera's. His words slurred just a little as he lifted his glass
towards Kapera in a salute. "To getting drunk, getting laid and
telling the rest of the Weyr to piss off."

She raised hers and clinked it against his, then drained it all in a
single swallow. How many was she up to now? At least three? Four? The
alcohol had burned down her throat and left a spreading warmth in her
belly. "We don't need their rules," she said.

"Shaffing right. We don't need them." The last words were strangled,
but he managed to clear his throat and force himself to push those
emotions back. He tossed back have of his drink and set the rest down.
He eyed Kapera. "So, since we don't need them and there's nothing to
lose...want to get laid again?"

There was no reason to say no to the offer. This discussion had made
it crystal-clear; anything she and D'hol did was for physical pleasure
only. No heartstrings. No declarations of love to be dangled before
them, wrapped in chains of commitment. Just fun.

She set her glass aside, stepped out of the chair, and sank to her
knees in front of his. "Absolutely."

Last updated on the July 6th 2017

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