Uneasy Feelings

Writers: Avery
Date Posted: 11th January 2017

Characters: K'ran
Description: K'ran worries about Genna's arrival.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 9, day 3 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Genna, Rhosyn, Saibra, Cyradis, Lanniya

K'ran

**Genna is coming to River Bluff,** K'ran thought to himself for the
fourth - or was it eighth, or twelfth? - time in the past two candlemarks.

The bronzerider had intended to go to sleep early so that he would be
well-rested and ready for when Genna would arrive as River Bluff's junior
goldrider. Instead, he'd been tossing and turning, and had given up and
gotten out of bed, looking for something to do to burn off his tension and
go to bed.

K'ran had spent the last half-candlemark organizing the little
knick-knacks that he kept on the shelves. Somehow, despite having been
here for several months, the weyr still felt half-finished, with items
dropped at random points. He'd propped a chair in the corner by the few
boxes and bags that still hadn't been unpacked, then laid a throw blanket
over it. That tried to hide the mess by giving it the appearance of an
comfortable sitting spot - or maybe it just looked like the cheap disguise
that it was.

It wasn't that K'ran had intentionally left the weyr half-unpacked and
messy. It was just that it had taken him two months before he'd really
felt comfortable with the new job, and after many long candlemarks in his
office, he'd never felt like tackling the issue of the appearance of his
weyr.

**It's not like anyone visits me here,** had been his self-justification
at the time. Most of his interactions with others were in common areas
during working hours. So did he need his weyr to be immaculate for
presentation to anyone not him? No, not really.

Well, now someone was likely to visit him here.

He hoped, anyway.

That was the crux of his nervousness. _He_ was excited for Genna's
transfer so that he could be near her again. Leaving her behind had been
one of the hardest parts of his unexpected transfer from Dragonsfall to
River Bluff. The consequences on their relationship had been severe and
something he profoundly regretted. They'd made strides towards repairing
it after the hatching at Dolphin Cove. Ideally, Genna being here would
make it even easier for them to settle back into a good relationship.

His mind kept conjuring all the ways it could go wrong.

**What if something goes wrong, and we have to see each other every day
and still try to work well together?**

Maybe they would find that a relationship that worked as goldrider and
Wingleader wouldn't work out between goldrider and Weyrleader. He had
additional duties than he'd had then, which meant additional demands on
his time. And being a Weyrleader required closely working with the
Weyrwoman at diplomatic functions, presenting the appearance of a happy
working couple. It didn't mean they had to _be_ a couple outside of work,
but it meant he'd have to take the Weyrwoman as his date to formal events,
and that meant that he couldn't take Genna, and what if she felt slighted,
or nervous? If she feared again that he preferred Rhosyn?

At least with her at Dragonsfall and him here, if something went wrong
they could fall apart quietly in their own space and not have to see each
other…

**What if she didn't want to be here?**

The issue of gold transfers had come up at the Conclave and many of the
Weyrleaders had wanted it to be handled by the Weyrwomen, as goldrider
business. That meant that he hadn't had as much say in the matter as any
of the goldriders. Oh, he'd talked it over with Lenala, and he had thought
that it was a very good idea for Lanniya to be traded out. It was good for
River Bluff to not have all 3 breeding queens of the same bloodline, and
for Lanniya personally it would be good for her to get seasoning from a
Weyrwoman with a different style. Especially after the incident with
/betweening/ to another time. Cyradis was an excellent Weyrwoman and K'ran
felt confident she would have been able to deal with Lanniya's adventure
without causing the same resentment Rhosyn had in the young goldrider.

And the fact that they were getting Genna in trade made K'ran happy. He
wasn't sure how that had been worked out. They could have gotten a junior
gold from Rising Moons or Windswept instead, one he didn't know. He was
personally thankful to Faranth's egg for the chance that had made it work
out this way.

But it was possible _she_ wasn't going to be happy about it… She had
friends at Dragonsfall, and maybe seeing him every day would wear on her
forgiveness.

It was all so complicated. K'ran wasn't good at reading women. He never
had been.

He was good at flying Thread. He thought he was doing good at being a
Weyrleader.

Sometimes he wished that Rogueth had never won Orlaith's flight - that he
hadn't volunteered to transport help out after the hurricane, so he
wouldn't have been here for it to happen. He was an outsider to River
Bluff and that had bred some resentment. He knew that, and it hadn't been
easy. He enjoyed being a Weyrleader - but this wasn't how he'd expected it
to go, and it had come with costs he'd not been prepared for.

If he'd won Chioneth's flight at Dragonsfall, everyone had known him
there, people trusted him. And Genna knew Saibra. Would that have shaken
Genna's faith in him?

Sometimes, he almost wished he could /between/ back and tell himself not
to go and none of this would have happened. But if he'd done that, then he
couldn't warn himself, and - that was no easy answer.

K'ran sighed and put his head against the pillow. None of this was helping
him relax. It wasn't preparing him to see Genna again. It was just making
him more keyed up and less able to sleep, which would be entirely
counterproductive.

He would go to the infirmary and get a sleeping tea from the Healers. Then
he could sleep, and leave tomorrow's worries to tomorrow.

Last updated on the January 30th 2017

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Uneasy Feelings