Everything Changed

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 13th November 2015

Characters: Alina, Elana
Description: Alina goes to visit her sister.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 1 of Turn 8
Notes: Corowal, Saidrene, J'ackt, S'avn and Corofel

Alina

Imarith came from /between/ after the sun had gone down and the sky was a blanket of stars. She soared over Nadol Cothold, invisible in the dark, before landing a little ways off, in the bend of the river that cradled the holding. Her rider slipped from her back and buckled her helmet to her riding straps. **Stay here. I won't be too long.**

}:I will wait,:{ Imarith sighed. }:But do not take too long. I am tired after drills.:{

**I know, lovely.** Alina scratched her dragon's eyeridges, then slipped into the shadows. Her feet knew the path that took her to the cothold well enough that she could hurry, even in the dark. This was home. Everything about it was intimately familiar; the sigh of wind in the trees, the stones in the path, the faint smell of good earth and smoke from a fire. She slowed as she got near to the cothold itself, then snuck around the outbuildings to where she could see the kitchens. The oven was so warm and the risk of fire great enough that the kitchens had their own extension from the main building. The door was propped open to let in the night breeze, and she could see the edge of the tables where the women chopped, sorted and preserved the bounty from the fields.

Her sister was there, grinding away at something with a large mortar and pestle. Probably oats for the morning's breakfast. Alina crept forward until she was near enough the door to be heard, but didn't venture into the square of light cast by glows and lanterns. "Psst!"

Elana jumped, then looked at the door. When she saw her twin she grinned, then turned to the older ladies who were grinding oats for the morning's meal. "I have to use the loo."

"Be back soon, dear!" her mother called.

Elana nodded and skipped out into the dark, where Alina caught her by the hand. They raced off toward the fields, giggling at the escape, until they flopped down in a bed of soft grasses at the edge of a field of wheat. "Where have you been?!" Elana asked.

Alina shrugged and rolled onto her back. "It's been so busy... graduating to a real Wing hasn't been a picnic."

"I can tell. You didn't even take the time to change." Elana wrinkled her nose. "Good thing you didn't try to come inside. If anyone had seen you in _trousers_... don't ever come here dressed like this again, all right? It's embarrassing."

Alina frowned, too tired to care. It wasn't as if her dignity mattered anymore. "Sorry."

Elana sniffed haughtily. "And you should visit more. And take me to Emerald Falls Hold again. I'm trying to convince mother to arrange for me to foster there, like she did. There is no _way_ I'll be able to meet a suitable husband here."

"Are they talking about marriage more?" Alina asked.

"All the time." Her twin sighed. "It's exhausting. I mean, I want to get married, but they're making it sound like it's pathetic that I haven't married anyone yet. I'm _seventeen_. It's not like I'm an old spinster. Plenty of girls get married when they're really old, like twenty turns. At least you don't have to deal with _that_."

A lump formed in Alina's throat. Marriage was something she'd never have to deal with. Not as a greenrider. Not now that Imarith had risen, and ruined her. "You'll find someone."

"Seventeen is the _perfect_ age to foster. I'm sure that Lord Corowal has a nephew or someone I could marry."

"There's always his son..."

"Eeew!" Elana plucked a fistful of grass and threw it at her sister. "He's a child! I want a man, you dimglow!"

Alina grinned and blew grass off her face. "You couldn't handle a man."

"Of course I could. I'd wrap him around my little finger and make him come whenever I call. And he'll be rich and of the Blood. You'll see!" Elana rolled onto her back and rested her head on her twin's stomach. Above them the stars glittered like diamonds. "I just want to meet him _now_. I'm so tired of living in this stupid, backwater cothold. I want to be somewhere different, where I don't have to look at the same stupid faces and hear the same stupid, bleating voices anymore... I'm so much better than this."

**Are you?** In some ways, Elana was exactly the sort of person to be at a cothold. Alina was beginning to see the difference now that she was at a Weyr. Like the difference between her sister and Saidrene, for example. Her clutchmate was worldly and confident. The Weyrwoman's beautiful daughter. She was the sort of girl who would be able to wrap a man around her little finger and make him come when she called. Elana lacked the sort of polish that Saidrene had, but there was no way that she'd ever tell her twin that.

Instead she stared at the stars and tried to rekindle the connection she'd once had. They used to be able to breathe at the same time, speak with the same voice... but now she felt slightly out of sync, like she was half a beat behind in the song. "Do you think they'll send you?" she asked.

"I hope so." Elana was quiet for a moment. "I just want... I want to go somewhere that nobody knows us. Me. I want to just be... me."

Alina frowned. It used to be 'them', together. "Somewhere where nobody knows me, you mean."

"Well... everyone knows you're a greenrider here. I know it's father's fault for sending you, but..." Elana sighed. "Your reputation stains me too. It doesn't matter to you since you're not here, but I was left behind. And we're twins. We were born on the exact same day."

"You know I'm sorry. I can't help that I Impressed," Alina said, a bit peevishly. "If I wasn't there, Imarith might have died."

"So?"

"So!?" Alina sat up, dumping Elana's head onto the grass. "So, she's my _dragon_."

"Why do you have to be so touchy?! I'm just telling the truth-- my life would be a lot easier if you hadn't gone and Impressed," Elana shot back. She resettled herself, drawing her red braid over her shoulder to play with the end. "It's father's fault. I think he understands that better now. But you should have tried harder."

Alina drew her knees up to her chest, unwilling to be soothed just yet. Imarith was _hers_ and no matter what anyone said - Elana or J'ackt - she loved her dragon with every ounce of her being. "I can't change the past."

"I know that. But it would be so much easier if I wasn't the sister of a dragonrider." Elana said the last part softly. "It's hard, being on my own all the time."

It was as close to an apology as she'd get. Alina sighed and bopped her sister lightly on the nose. "I know. I miss you too."

"At least you have Imairth. All the teaching songs talk about how having a dragon is never being alone. But me... we're sisters, Alina. We're supposed to be together."

"I know." She lay back down in the grass and let herself relax into the soft earth. She plucked a blade of grass and wound it through her fingers.

"At least we don't have to compete for a husband," Elana said finally. "I mean, we both know I'm so much prettier than you--"

Alina laughed and used her blade of grass to tickle her sister's ear. "You're prettier but you laugh like a runner!"

"Do not!"

"Do too! Anyway..." Alina's smile slipped and she stared up into the abyss between stars. It looked like /between/. "Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore."

"I know. You're a dragonrider now. A _greenrider_." The last was said with a lilt that was half-teasing, half mean. When Alina didn't respond, Elana sat up. "What do you mean, it doesn't matter?"

Her sister might have been an idiot sometimes, but she could still tell when something was wrong. Even when Alina didn't really want to talk about it. The words spilled out anyway. "Imarith... she rose."

"What does that mean?" Elana's voice sounded scared in the dark.

Alina sighed. "You know what it means. She rose for a mating flight. And you know what happens then."

There was a long pause. Elana's expression was hidden in shadows. "You mean, you... with a man?"

Tears pricked at her eyes. Alina nodded, but of course her sister couldn't see her.

But her twin didn't have to. Elana lay down again and put her head on her sister's belly. She reached up and found Alina's hand in the dark, twining their fingers together into a knot. "What was it like?"

"I don't know. Riders don't... it's hard to explain," Alina said, searching for words. No matter who she talked to, it seemed like nobody ever understood. "Normally it's easy to keep myself separate from Imarith, but in this case, I sort of... forgot."

"Forgot and then rutted with a stranger?" Elana sounded skeptical, but her fingers tightened around Alina's hand.

"I... guess." When she put it that was, Alina felt doubly ashamed about what had happened. She hadn't had any choice in the matter. "It's just something... that happens. I can't stop it. I can't hide. I can't... it just happens, and then it's over and you have to wait for another few months before it happens again."

"There has to be something you can do."

"Like what?! Hide in my weyr? They'll find me-- the men always know where you are. And I can't stop Imarith from rising any more than I can stop the moons from coming up," Alina shot back, angry now. "I can't _not_ be a dragonrider. I hate it, I wish I never had to be in a flight again-- but aside from losing Imarith in Thread, there's no way that'll happen. And I'd rather suffer through her rising than lose her because-- she my dragon. And I understand now what happens to dragonless riders." She shuddered.

"It can't be that bad--" Elana began, but Alina cut her off.

"You have _no_ idea. It would be like losing all your arms and legs at once. Like watching everyone you know get shot full of arrows by Holdess right in front of you. Like being blinded and deafened and having your tongue cut out-- I can't even bear to think about it. Don't ever say that again." She squeezed her eyes shut as two hot tears burnt across her cheeks. Mentally she reached out to where Imarith lay dozing in the dark, to reassure herself that her dragon was really still there.

Elana's fingers remained wrapped around her twin's. They lay silently in the dark for a while until, inevitably, Beilor rose. "What was it like?" Elana asked finally.

"I told you already."

"I mean, what was it like to... be with a man?"

Alina laughed at that, a little bitterly. "It hurt. I was sore until the next day."

"Is it really that big?" Elana whispered.

"What, his manhood?" Her sister snorted, sounding more like the runner she'd accused her sister of being. Elana might have been looking for reassurance for herself, but Alina couldn't bring herself to provide it. "It was bigger than I wanted it to be." When Elana said nothing, Alina sighed. "Look... I have friends at the Weyr who really enjoy sex. They say that with the right person, it feels good. I did it all wrong... you're supposed to lay with someone before your dragon rises, and it shouldn't hurt as much. But I couldn't do that... it didn't feel right. But you, when you get married? It will be to the right person, and you won't need to worry about sex at all."

"I wish that you didn't have to do that," Elana said after a moment. "When your dragon rises. No wonder everyone here calls you a slut."

"What?!" Alina sat up, dumping Elana's head back into the grass. Of course that's what she'd assumed, but to hear it said aloud-- and from her own sister! That stung. "No-- I don't sleep around!"

"Don't act so offended. You just admitted to sleeping with someone you're not married to. Hence, a slut," Elana said matter-of-factly.

"I just told you, it's not my choice!"

"So? Nobody here knows that." Her sister sighed. "I told you that it makes it hard for me here. Everyone knows that you and I are the same. Can you talk to father for me about fostering at Emerald Falls Hold? He might listen to you. He ruined one daughter, so you'd think that he'd want to ensure the best possible match for his last remaining one."

Alina sat silent and stewed. It wasn't _fair_. No matter what she did, she was doomed. Holdbred, Weyrslut. She felt caught between her two lives - Weyr and Cothold - and no matter what she did, she couldn't please anyone. She didn't fit in anywhere. Finally she sighed. "Fine. I can do that. Not that he'll listen. It's not like he listened before."

"Thank you." Elana grinned in the dark. "I know you'll be able to persuade him. And then I'll finally be out of here and my life will finally begin." She nattered on about her imagined life as a pampered and favourite fosterling at Emerald Falls Hold, sharing her fantasies about the dresses she'd wear and men who would fall madly, helplessly in love with her.

Alina listened with only half an ear. Around her the night insects sang and the scent of growing things hung heavy in the air. It should have felt like home, but no matter how hard she tried -- it didn't.

Last updated on the November 16th 2015

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Everything Changed