Flights

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 21st October 2015

Characters: Alina
Description: Alina wrestles with the facts of life as a greenrider.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 8 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: J'ackt, Liddith

Alina

Another green rose over the Weyrbowl, her hide bright against the grey of the rain. Alina watched her flight from a distance, her hand against her own green dragon's soft hide. Imarith also watched the aerial dance with uncharacteristic intensity.

}:I will fly farther,:{ she said quietly when Liddith was finally caught.

Alina suppressed a shudder. Somewhere in the Weyr a greenrider was being grabbed, maybe shoved against a wall, dragged off to a flight cot to be ravaged by a man who was, in all likelihood, a total stranger. She tried to imagine what that would be like but came up with nothing but the feel of rough hands bruising her skin. There was no love in that. There wasn't even affection or caring or anything except animalistic rutting.

And soon enough Imarith would rise. And the hands bruising skin would be hers, and the desire to give herself up to the winner of Imarith's flight would overwhelm her, and she'd be lost. She closed her eyes and buried the dread that rose in her. Imarith didn't need to deal with her problems as well.

But it _was_ her problem. Maybe everyone at the Weyr was right-- she was a stupid, Holdbound idiot of a girl. Love was for other people. Respect was for someone else, but not for her. Neither was choice. Whatever dragon caught Imarith, she'd spread her legs for that dragon's rider no matter what she wanted. It just hurt to give up the hope that someone might actually want _her_ for herself, and not because she was a convenient soft body to sate their lust in.

Back at Nadol Cothold, her parents encouraged her to meet the boys in the neighbouring cots. They asked if she liked them. Her feelings and desires would be considered as a marriage was brokered. Here... there was none of that.

And the Weyrfolk called Holders savages.

She snorted, tired of feeling sorry for herself. That was what Satai had done, and look what it had gotten her. Her mind drifted from her dead clutchmate to J'ackt. He'd offered to take care of her problem, but after Satai died... he'd been confusing, swinging from being an absolute beast to comforting her when she'd cried. He was a friend... of a sort. Would it be so bad to lie with him? Alina closed her eyes and gingerly let herself explore the thought. He was handsome enough and kind when he chose to be, even though he was just as likely to be hurtful and rude. Despite his unpredictability, Alina liked that he looked out for her. **Could I do it?**

She imagined herself knocking on his door. She imagined him opening it, them exchanging looks, and then J'ackt bending to kiss her. She imagined him taking her hands and leading her into his weyr, and lying next to her on his bed. Her heart jumped a little. **Maybe it wouldn't be so bad...** Out of all the men at the Weyr, J'ackt was one of only two that she thought might actually give a damn about her as a person and not just as a greenrider. Odd that it was the one who'd stabbed a guard that she trusted. **I must be crazy.**

And yet... she shook her head miserably. She'd probably lost her chance when she sent him packing after Satai died.

}:You should speak with him anyway,:{ Imarith said suddenly.

**Stop snooping in my head!**

}:Your thoughts are very loud,:{ the green said sheepishly. }:But you should speak with him. He will fly with you, if you allow him to. Zith has said so.:{

**I couldn't just go...** Alina glared at her dragon, who studied her thoughtfully. **I can't just go knock on his door like that.**

}:I will ask Zith if his is there--:{

**You will NOT!** Alina thought fiercely. **That would be horrible! I can't-- don't you DARE say anything to Zith! I can't believe you have talked to Zith about me!**

}:You are interesting. Besides, Zith and I speak about many things. I like to watch him hunt.:{ Imarith nudged her rider with her snout. }:Just go and speak with Zith's rider. Then I will not need to speak with Zith.:{

**I hate you,** Alina muttered half-heartedly as she hopped onto Imarith's back and tied herself in. Her dragon took off in a flurry of wind, circling the Weyrbowl once before depositing them both on the ledge to Alina's weyr. The weyrling took a moment to strip Imarith of her straps before heading out the door. If she stopped, her courage would fail her.

She was going to knock on J'ackt's door.

She was actually going to knock on J'ackt's door and ask him to sleep with her.

Her palms began to sweat. What if he said no? What if he wasn't there? What if-- **What if I fall in love with him?** She stumbled in the hall. That was the worst thought of all, because maybe it would be easy. Maybe, as careful as she was, and even if she didn't dare admit it to herself-- maybe she was already half-ways there. And J'ackt was too dangerous for that.

Her steps faltered, then she grit her jaw and started again. Her heart hammered in her chest like the warning bells at Threadfall. This was such a bad idea. She hadn't thought it through properly. But her feet kept going and she was swept along with them, hopeful and excited and terrified and reckless. There was no time to feel sorry for herself. J'ackt was right about that, at least. Satai had felt sorry for herself, and Satai was dead.

And then she was standing in front of the door to his weyr; a door she'd never seen before but knew was his with an uncanny certainty. As if watching from a height she saw herself raise her hand to knock--

--someone giggled inside. Someone female.

**What am I doing? What am I _doing_!** Her fingers curled into a fist and she stepped away from the door. Her heart felt shredded, and she was incredulous. **What was I thinking? This is so-- of _course_ he's with another woman.** Because that's what J'ackt did. Slept with everyone, cared for no one. Alina backed away from the door, mortified at what she'd almost done. She was grieving and scared, and had almost made the biggest mistake of her life. She turned and fled down the hall back to the safety of her own weyr.

Safe for now. Because soon, Imarith would rise.

Last updated on the October 26th 2015

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Flights