The Dream

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 31st July 2015

Characters: J'ackt, Saidrene
Description: J'ackt's nightmares are getting worse.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 17 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Saibra, Alina, Cyradis

J'ackt

Saidrene

It was a familiar dream and one that his subconscious had subjected
him to many times in the past.

He was young, just a child, and he watched the fire with pained grief.
His father, looming behind him, punished every tear until he had no
more to shed. The fire didn't eat at his mother's body this time. It
licked at her still living body and she screamed in agony, clutching
her swollen abdomen. The young boy that was him wanted to go to her,
to save her, but the steely grip of his father prevented him from
casting himself on the flames to pull her away. His mother, red hair
mingling with the flames turned her head towards him, reaching out a
hand. Somehow, some way he knew that she screamed his name, reaching
for him, begging him to save her. There was a terrifying cry as her
womb burst open, spilling blood and gore and there was suddenly a
child, wreathed by flame.

But it wasn't his mother's child. Somehow, it was his and he couldn't
save it. It screamed at him, accusing him, beckoning to the helpless
boy that he was. Suddenly, he was the adult, looking down at a younger
version of himself. He felt angry at the young boy for crying, trying
to reach the funeral pyre. He struck the younger version of himself
repeatedly, telling himself not to weep. It wasn't proper for a man to
weep! He looked over at the woman on the fire and was stunned to see
that it wasn't his mother any more. It was Saibra, but then the face
shifted into that of Cyradis. Then Alina's face screamed at him and
finally and most shocking, Saidrene's. She held the child, glaring at
him with hatred before she offered the baby to the flames. His mother
was once again there, holding her hands out to him. When he didn't
take her hand, a massed ball of squirming Thread fell upon her. Thread
and flames ate her alive and he could hear her screams as she was
engulfed.

J'ackt struck out a hand into the air as he slept, then a foot,
thrashing in the blankets wildly. "No! Mam! Don't!" His voice was
broken as he blindly reached out, struggling. With a cry, he burst out
of the bed, eyes wide and breath coming in sharp pants.

Saidrene bolted upright in a swirl of confusion as her muddled mind
tried to assimilate the unexpected explosion of pain in her leg and
being woken so abruptly.

Her hands dove beneath the blankets to massage at the tender spot on
her thigh while her blue eyes searched for J'ackt in the darkness.

"J'ackt? Wass' goin' on?" She slurred, her voice low and rough from sleep.

Not realizing he had struck her, J'ackt swung his legs over,
breathing hard and his back slicked with sweat. His hands shook as he
ran them through his hair, then rested his head in his hand. "Nothing.
It was nothing."

As she came more awake Saidrene reached out and placed her fingers
lightly on the bronzerider's back. His skin felt damp with sweat, and
Saidrene recognized when J'ackt was upset agitated by the way he ran
his fingers through his hair.

"Tell me." She said softly.

He was silent for a long moment, just staring at the floor and trying
to forget the images in his mind. He rubbed at his face as he shook
his head, then abruptly rose to his feet. "Just a dream."

Saidrene's hand trailed down his back and fell onto the empty sheets
as J'ackt vacated the bed. **Clearly more than 'just a dream.'** But
getting J'ackt to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth.

"You know that doesn't work on me. Your aloof and vague bit. You can
tell me anything, you know." She had seen all the different sides of
J'ackt, the good, bad, and even the vulnerable.

He didn't say anything, just moved towards the opening of the weyr and
leaned against the wall, staring out into Zith's wallow. The bronze
thrust his head forward through the opening to press against J'ackt's
side, his eyes whirling with his J'ackt's disturbance and disquiet.
The bronze's eyes were a mirror for the inner turmoil that J'ackt
didn't show. They were a rapidly whirling mixture of sickening greens
and reds, though they gradually slowed as J'ackt began sliding his
hands over the soft bronze hide, forcing his breathing to slow and
taking comfort in Zith's presence.

It seemed as though he wouldn't answer her, but after a nudge from
Zith, J'ackt spoke softly. "It was about my Mam." His voice was flat,
already trying to wall away the whirl of pain that thinking about her
caused, but he couldn't completely hide the deeply buried pain. He
rarely discussed his mother, not to anyone. Most that knew him knew
that she was dead, but little else and not the how of it, or what had
happened after. And what the rest of the dream meant, he didn't want
to think about.

Saidrene slipped out of the bed and padded barefoot over to where
J'ackt stood. Wrapping her arms about his waist, she pressed her cheek
to the warm, smooth skin of his back, hugging him from behind. "I'm
sorry." She murmured. J'ackt's mother wasn't a topic that Saidrene
often pried about, mostly because she already knew that it was a sore
topic for him. What she did know was that J'ackt's protectiveness of
women somehow stemmed from his feelings regarding his mother.

He didn't react to the arms around him, not at first. But slowly, his
hands left Zith to lay on her arms and he looked down at her arms
around him. His brow furrowed as his thumbs stroked over her skin.
"She died in childbirth. The babe was a little girl. She didn't make
it either. Couldn't go and get a Healer or the like from the hold. Da
couldn't go back." He showed no emotion as he spoke. He was distant,
as though trying to keep himself away from what he was saying. "He
burned her on a pyre. Didn't bury her. It was winter and the ground
was too hard." He looked back out towards the ledge. "I dream about
her on that fire. But she's alive and I can't save her." He did add
the additions to the dream, he couldn't.

The greenrider didn't know how to respond. Her dreams about her own
father's death were quite different from J'ackt's dream about his
mother. Usually if Saidrene dreamed about K'fel it was based around
one of her happier memories. She had not been present in the weyrbowl
the day K'fel and his brown came crash landing into the weyrbowl
tattered and torn from Thread and so she was saved the mental images
of what must have been a horrific sight.

**He could have at least shielded J'ackt from seeing the fire.**
Saidrene thought of the bronzerider's father. Seeing your mother burn,
whether dead or alive, wasn't something a little boy should see.

"Come lay back down." She coaxed.

"My Da...he hit my Mam sometimes." He kept staring out at the darkness
of the ledge. "Sometimes, if he got mad at me and tried to hit me,
she'd get in the way and it'd be worse for her." J'ackt fell silent
for a moment before continuing. "The last time that it happened, she
fell. Hard. Started having the baby then." His voice had been flat
before, but now it became utterly blank of emotion. "I still remember
how the fire smelled."

Saidrene squeezed her eyes shut as she continued to hold on to J'ackt.
The picture he was painting made her heart ache. There was no wonder
J'ackt had a chip on his shoulder. **I wonder if he's told his
mindhealer about this.** She doubted it. She hated to see J'ackt so
blank and void.

For a long while she stood there, unsure of what to say to J'ackt.
"I'm sorry" seemed too weak, but trying to downplay his dream seemed
disrespectful to his mother's memory. Finally, with her hands gripping
his hips, Saidrene nudged J'ackt back in the direction of the bed.
"Come on, lay down."

He let her pull him back, his hands trailing from Zith. He went back
to the bed and laid down, but stared at the ceiling, his face still
tight with tension. Then slowly, his eyes moved to look at her. "You
were in the dream. And a few others."

"Oh?" Saidrene questioned softly, leaving it open for J'ackt to
elaborate if he wished.

J'ackt didn't elaborate. Instead he pulled Saidrene down next to him,
tucking his arm under her shoulders. Still staring at the ceiling, his
hand stroked her hair, fingering the strands lightly before going back
for another stroke. "She was beautiful, you know. My mam. She had this
red hair all down her back and I used to unbraid it all the time when
I was little. She'd laugh about it. " His voice trailed off as he
stroked Saidrene's hair. His eyes gleamed in the darkness for only a
moment before he blinked and his face smoothed. "It's not important."
He exhaled and his voice became brisk. "Sorry for waking you. We
better get to sleep or we'll be in sorry shape tomorrow."

Snuggling into his side, Saidrene pressed her lips to J'ackt's bare
shoulder, "Don't apologize. I'm here if you need me." She murmured,
her breath ghosting across his skin as she closed her eyes.

Last updated on the August 1st 2015

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