I Want To Feel Like Myself

Writers: Avery, Yvonne
Date Posted: 8th November 2014

Characters: L'pin, Alina
Description: Alina has some things to say about hair. As does L'pin.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 3 of Turn 7

Alina

Alina paused at the door to L'pin's office, taking a moment to ensure that her hair was scraped back and pinned as tightly as it ought to be. After that fiasco with Satai, the weyrling was sure that L'pin would want to nag her about her hair. And Alina was just as she that she would _not_ cut it. Her hair was secure, so she knocked.

"Good morning, come in," he called. "Alina, how are you?"

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Terrified. Completely and utterly helpless in the face of her fate. Alina said none of that, though. Instead she smiled and shrugged, which was enough to encompass all of it.

That was a little more subdued than he'd expected. "I hear from the healers things are well, and you've been doing fine in classes so far."

"Thank you." She slipped into the seat across from him and folded her hands in her lap.

"So, what brings you here today?" He wondered if she was alright.

"I--" For a moment she was tempted to tell him everything that was wrong, everything that was bothering her or frightening her. But Alina knew that it was all in her own head, and no matter how much she liked L'pin, he was still Weyrlingstaff. And she was a weyrling. "I... just wanted to make sure that... I won't be forced to cut my hair like Saiti was."

Poor Satai was the talk of the class after that little incident. Probably of the whole weyr. He suspected he'd be able to use what happened to her as a cautionary tale for the next few classes. Hopefully it would scare most of the girls - and the men with long hair - into keeping better groomed.

"We strongly recommend haircuts. It's easy for pieces to slip free and get into bad places - caught in straps, or talons, or lit on fire during flaming drills. Most of the riders with longer hair have been riders for a few Turns and it's natural to them by now. Weyrlings are so busy and get so tired that they get careless, and that can kill." He paused a moment.

"Even I had to get one when I flew active Fall," he added, hoping the levity would help. L'pin's hair was getting longer now that he was back on the staff, but since it had only been a few months it hadn't gotten much past his shoulders.

"Well, I won't," Alina said firmly. "Please let the other weyrlingstaff know my decision. I'll take the risk."

"I will. May I make a suggestion?" he asked mildly.

"You may." Although she was in no mood to consider it.

"In general a dragonrider should be able to keep their hair under a flight cap, which contains it. It's not time for your first flight gear yet, but it seems like it wouldn't be a problem to get a knit cap you could put your hair under. Something like one of those knit caps used in colder territories."

It wouldn't be standard and it would definitely be commented upon, but if informality would help her acclimate a little, he'd stand up to the other staff about it.

**Like an old auntie?!** was Alina's first thought, her mind flying to the hair nets that some of the elderly ladies at Nadol Cothold wore. It was horribly out of fashion, but... she nibbled her lip. If it meant she could keep her hair, she'd do it. Perhaps she could crochet her own, something bright and fun... "If it means I can keep my hair, I'll do it."

He smiled, pleased that he'd found something that would work for her. He did so want to see her adjust better.

"Anything else been bothering you and Imarith? Making any friends?"

She shook her head. "We're fine."

That was a little quiet. He wondered what else he could ask her, to get her to open up a bit. ""Any other questions you haven't yet ask in class?" She'd been silent in some lectures, and he wasn't sure if it was the material, or the way he was presenting.

Perish the thought. The last sevenday's worth of classes had all been about sex and what dragonriders did to each other. It was embarassing and terrifying at the same time. "None. _Really_."

He nodded, but thought to himself that he'd need to keep an eye on her when she became a senior weyrling.

"What are you doing on the restdays?"

"Not much. Imarith hasn't wanted to go very far, so I stay with her. I... haven't been practicing music as much as I should," she admitted finally. Without a set lesson schedule anymore, there hadn't been much motivation. "I really only can on rest days anyway. Sorry."

"I imagine barracks living doesn't leave much time for it," he said diplomatically. He'd performed for his weyrling group, egged on by Y'sani. But he couldn't see Alina doing the same. "It's rather a busy schedule as a weyrling. But you'll find free time increases somewhat as weyrlinghood goes on and dragons mature enough to not need constant tending."

The weyrling sighed. "I can't wait."

"To be less tired?" he guessed. Or perhaps to be alone in a weyr. It was a common desire for many who weren't used to intimate living.

"I'm tired of lessons. I don't want... the rest." Thread, fire and sex. She shook her head. "I just- I just want things to be more normal again. I want to feel like me again."

He tilted his head slightly, wondering about the undercurrents there. "You don't feel like yourself right now?"

That could mean a few things - was she being panicked by the shift in her life expectations, as happened to many a new Impressee? Or was she being overwhelmed by the bond, as he had seen happen to some riders? Riders couldn't reject their own dragons completely and he couldn't imagine Impression happening with some level of wanting it, but sometimes stumbling blocks caused trouble for a pair.

"I have a dragon in my head. That's hardly normal," Alina said dryly. "I don't know... I miss my family. I miss ordinary days. I..." She sighed. "Maybe I'm just homesick, and tired. It'll pass." It would have to. There was no going home for her, not ever. The Alina that left Nadol Cothold didn't exist anymore.

"You'll be able to see your family again soon enough. Homesickness is perfectly natural when you've gone through so many changes. But I am here for you as well. I know I'm not the same as your actual family..." He gave a little self-deprecating smile.

She returned his smile with one of her own, feeling a little better in spite of herself. "Thank you for not forcing me to cut my hair."

"Not a problem. And remember, if anyone on staff gives you grief, let them know I said you could."

She nodded. "Thanks."

Was there anything else he could do for her? "When you do have time to practice again, I do have a couple other tunes you might like. I don't have them with me but - maybe I can drop them by sometime, show you how they go." Surely he could spare a restday candlemark.

"That... would be nice." She missed playing. Even her own bad music was better than no music. Alina smiled as she rose from her seat. "Thanks for making time to see me."

"I'll always have time for you, Alina. Have Imarith reach out if you need anything else."

Last updated on the November 30th 2014

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I Want To Feel Like Myself