T'lat Explains it All (2/2)

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 3rd October 2014

Characters: T'lat, Ninaine
Description: T'lat explains a few things to Ninaine.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 9, day 4 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Aluka, N'call

T'lat

Ninaine

She blinked at him and flushed, then cleared her throat. "Uhm...no. I
mean, I know I have to eventually, but it's not something I'm looking
forward to."

"Really?" He looked at her puzzled again. "Why ever not. I'm sure
there are plenty of riders here who would guide you and make you feel
wonderful. Flight is no place for your first time."

She stared at him blankly for a moment, then spoke softly and firmly.
"It's probably different for men, T'lat. But I can't just decide to
share a bed with someone. It's wrong. That has to be saved for a
hus...weyrmate. To make children." Her lips thinned. But even then, it
had been explained, with all the /betweening/ she may not even carry
to term. Miscarriages were common. "And I'm not going to be a whore,
T'lat. I don't care what my mother said. I'll never be a whore and
just share a bed with anyone who wants me to..." She shuddered.
"..spread my legs for them. I won't."

"Hey," he said putting his hand on her wrist. "I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to offend you at all. I know you're not a whore and never will
be. But, Ninaine, you're a girl and there are physical reasons you
have to do it before your flight or you'll be..." he blushed furiously
but he was just trying to help her. "You'll be hurt, badly. Don't let
that happen to you out of pride. Isn't there anyone you like?"

Her voice gentled a little as she laid her hand on his. "You didn't. I
just...I don't like thinking about it." She bit her lower lip. "And
it's not just pride. The first time always hurts for a girl. I know
that. It was explained to me when I first started my monthlies. No
matter what, it's going to hurt. But at least..." She looked down.
"...at least if it happens during a flight, it won't be me, you know?
It'll be Luneth. They said it would be like I was her. It won't be
me." At the next question, she colored brightly and looked away, not
answering.

"But if you do it right it feels wonderful." he said sloftly. "Sorry,"
he shrugged. "I guess I just don't understand."

"I don't either sometimes. " Ninaine rubbed at her face. "I have all
these feelings but I've always been taught that they are wrong and
that I shouldn't feel them. I'm supposed to be calm and demure and
lady like _all_ the time. And then I come here and everyone tells me
that it's okay to have all these feelings and I _don't_ have to be the
way I've always been taught to be." She looked at him, frustration
evident on her face. "Part of me wants to, T'lat. Part of me wants to
be able to do that, but something inside just tells me I shouldn't.
That it would be wrong and then I remember what my mother said and I
keep thinking, what if she's right? Everyone is pushing for me to
immediately change to adjust to the Weyr's ways and I'm trying. I
really am on lots of things. But part of me wants to fight back and
tell people that I don't have to change any more than I have. That
I've changed all I want to and just want to be me." She sighed. "And
now...now I have to give up something that's supposed to be precious
to just anyone and it's too much."

"Come here," he said with a sideways hug. "You don't have to be what
your mother assumes greenriders are. You don't have to give it up to
just anyone. There are plenty who are just like you and don't sleep
around, they wait for feelings and a special someone. They have a
choice."

He looked at her seriously. "Do you want to choose who you give that
precious gift to? Or do you want it ripped from you by Luneth's flight
winner?"

Ninaine fell silent and leaned against him. It was nice to get a hug
and not feel worried about it. Even Luneth wasn't objecting; perhaps
it was because Ninaine didn't feel threatened at all and she was open
to it. Still it was a relief that she didn't have to restrain her
green. "I don't know. I was supposed to wait until I was wed, T'lat."
She sighed softly. " I don't want to give it at all, but I know it'll
happen." She swallowed. "I don't know what to do."

"Well that's not something that is going to happen here.. being
married I mean. But It's not something you have to decide right away,"
he said softly. "Just think about it and who might be nice to you and
make your first time a very good thing. You have months before Luneth
rises for the first time."

She immediately curled up, her knees tight against her chest as she
wrapped her arms around them. It wasn't a lady like posture, but it
had become her habit when she was troubled. "I don't know of anyone
who would..." She paused, turned bright red as her mind brought up a
certain someone and then cleared her throat. "What happens if I just
don't go to the flight rooms?"

"I don't know," he sounded surprised. "I think they might come get
you." He didn't really know who 'they' would be but he felt pretty
sure it wouldn't be allowed. "Maybe you should ask the Weyrling
staff."

"I don't know. I've caused so much trouble already. They can't force
me, can they? Have you ever seen it happen?" She paused and stared at
her knees. "Besides...I wouldn't know the first thing to do. I mean my
mother explained things to me, but..." She looked at T'lat. "I'm so
confused right now."

"The dragon decides, the rider complies," he said seriously. "I really
don't think it will be a person that will force you to do anything
Niniaine." He was very sad and puzzled by this whole conversation.
"Luneth will. And you won't have to know. She will and you will merge
with her."

Ninaine fell silent, just looking at him for a long moment. "And it'll
hurt worse during a flight." She spoke softly and then sighed. "But
what if...what if I can't find anyone who wants to...you know...What
if I hate it?" Her lower lip trembled for just a moment before she
sucked it in for control. "I'm scared, T'lat. I'm really scared that
I'm going to spend the rest of my life being forced to do that. I
mean...at home it would be different. It would be to make children. If
I had Impressed a Gold, it would be for eggs and I could understand
the need. But Luneth.., she won't lay eggs. It's like...it's like its
really for nothing. Think of how many people we'll have to be with,
for Turns and Turns and we never get a say. It'll probably be someone
different every single time. How can I let them see me naked? I
mean...N'call did and..." her face flushed. "I meant...he saw me in
the baths and I haven't been able to go back since. I've been bathing
in my weyr with a pot of hot water." Her shoulders hunched a little.
"I don't understand why I Impressed at all. I'm just not made for
this."

"Yeah," he said to her first question then just listened. His brows
rose when she talked about the bronzerider. He knew who she meant and
the man was very nice to look at though he knew the only time he'd
sample that body was in a flight if he was lucky. "Trust me," he shook
his head with half a smile. "We can find someone who wants to and who
can make sure you don't hate it. There are some," and he blushed at
his own memories. "that can make it wonderful. But whats this about
N'call? You never told me he saw you naked."

"Wait wait," he said at the end of her long speech. "You impressed
because Luneth chose you. She sees something in you that she needs.
_That_ is why you're a dragonrider."

She squirmed at his suggestion and then at his questions. "I was in
the baths and he came in. He was naked and he saw me naked. I tried
not to look at him, but when I was needing to get out, he had my towel
and he saw me naked." Her cheeks were flaming hot. "He said something
about my legs. Said they were nice and I kinda ran away."

She shifted again. "I know. " She sighed. "I just don't know what. I
wish I did."

"You ran away," he shook his head slowly smiling at her. "Sweetie, I
have no idea whether you have nice legs but if he said you did then
you do."

She didn't think she'd ever stop blushing at the memory. "It was inappropriate."

"Wish I'd been there," he sighed in appreciation of the bronzerider.

She shifted a little and spoke very shyly but with a little smile on
her mouth. "He..he was very nice to look at."

T'lat just grinned at her and winked.

Last updated on the October 10th 2014

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T'lat Explains it All (2/2)