"The Dream Ends"

Writers: AL, Heather
Date Posted: 1st September 2014

Characters: Barenziah, Zathris
Description: Zathris tells Barenziah about his decision.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 8, day 22 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Benani

Barenziah

Zathris

Barenziah took her own runner out for exercise that morning. Aiming in
the opposite direction of the the grove. When she was outside of view
she doubled back, crisscrossed her path a bit and then headed for the
grove. Zathris had left a note for her to meet him there. She smiled,
drawing her hood up to ward off some of the chill. She never would
have imagined she could have feelings as strongly as she did. The way
she felt about Zathris was something she had dreamed of as a little
girl dreaming of marriage. Only there would be no marriage in this
story. She sighed a bit and shook her head. She didn't want to let
those sort of thoughts ruin her good mood.

The Lord Holder's runner was waiting in the grove when she arrived and
she quickly dismounted and entered the hunting shack, "Hey." She
nearly smiled but the look on Zathris's face made her stop, "What is
it?"

He didn't want to say it. They were the last words he ever wanted to
say to her, but he had to. Zathris knew things couldn't have
continued, but he had sort of hoped he could have her and Benani both.
Yet, as much as he desired and loved both women, he knew that it couldn't last.
Over the past few days, his guilt had only been stabbing at him with more and
more forcefulness. The night before had been wonderful, but the talk with
Benani and the hours afterward had only solidified one fact - he couldn't have
both, no matter how much he wanted them. "We have to talk."

It was the four words that a woman never wanted to hear from a man.
Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Zathris wasn't the smiling,
mischievous man he had been over the past few days. Something had
happened.

"Okay." She managed to say, licking her lips.

Zathris ran a hand over his face. Guilt over what he'd done without
Benani's knowledge mingled with guilt over how Barenziah would now
have to suffer for it. "We can't do this any more." The words
rippled with sorrow. If only...if only...if only he could have two
wives. No, that couldn't happen. It would hurt Benani too much, even
before everything that man had done to her. "I want to keep doing
this...but...but we can't. It's not fair to her, it's not fair to
you."

It was as if all the air in the room had fled. Her lungs whined for
air as pain sliced through her. It was her worst nightmare. To love
someone and not have it returned... Or in this case, withheld. The
walls seemed to be closing in on her and she gasped for air as she
stormed through the door of the shack and back out into the frigid
meadow. What was she going to do? How could she be near him every day
knowing...

Shaffit. He'd hurt her. All along he knew this would happen, even
asked if she was sure. Yet, it was inevitable. He'd hurt her, and
the knife twisted in his heart. "Berry...Berry wait." Immediately he
sprang to his feet to chase after her and stopped just behind her. He
wanted to gather her into his arms, but he dare not. It had to be
over, as much as it pained the both of them. "I'm sorry. I should
have never...I never wanted to hurt you." But now he had.

Barenziah held up her hand, her blue eyes flooded with tears as she
emitted broken little sobs that she tried to reign in. She had to be
strong. She had known from the beginning that their relationship was
unlikely. She had only allowed herself to be disillusioned for a few
days. Now reality was crashing down around her.

"You gave me a choice, Zathris. I chose this. It is not your fault."
Life just wasn't fair.

"I..." It was his fault. He should have never fallen in love with
her. When he first felt feelings for her, he should have put distance
between them immediately. Now she was suffering the worst of the
consequences. "I'm sorry Berry." He was sorry he'd hurt her. He was
sorry he couldn't keep her. He was sorry he couldn't have both of
them. "I can find a different position for you, one that won't
require you to be so close to me. Something worthy of your
intellect."

The laugh she emitted was mirthless, "Like what, Zathris? I am a
ruined woman, by all accounts." Not that she had ever considered
marriage much before, but still, she had hoped that eventually the
right person would come along... She just hadn't figured he would
already be married.

"You are not ruined." And yet society considered her as such. There
was little tolerance for women, at least in the Holds. "What do you
want to do? I will do whatever I can to help you."

"Can't I just stay here? I will work in the kitchens or scrub
floors.... Amber Hills is my home." Her voice was small. But could she
bear to see him? It was inevitable that they_would_ cross paths again
at some point.

"You can do whatever you want, Berry, but I feel like that sort of
position is far, far beneath you." Zathris dared to take a step
closer, just a small one, but then held himself back from taking any
more. His hands clenched into fists at his side in an effort to
refrain from grabbing her so he could cover her in kisses. "I could
recommend you to Zelanka, she needs more assistant headwomen."

Barenziah looked down at the ground, at the hallowed place that had
once been her haven from the rest of the world. "I do not think I am
as strong as you, Zathris. You might be able to go on and act as if
nothing as happened, but if I had to live here and see you from a
distance.... It would never be over for me. I would always hope...."
She choked off, tears clouding her vision, "That is no kind of life."

"If I could have..." No. No, he wouldn't say it. What good would
that do? It would only make her feel worse. "I'm sorry." He managed
lamely, his gloved hand running once more through his hair. That
knife twisted again in the middle of his chest. He hated letting go
of something he loved - but if he didn't, he might lose someone else
he loved, and that might just kill him.

Her chin trembled as she used her palms to wipe tears from her cheeks,
"I am not sorry. It hurts now but," she raised her eyes to his, "I
wouldn't take it back."

"I'm not sorry for that. For us. I'm just...sorry I can't...that I
hurt you." **I can't keep you, no matter how much I want to. I can't
have you both and now I have to choose.** "If you don't want to stay
here, I can arrange for you to go somewhere else. It's up to you."
And it might be easier for her.

"Where?" Her voice was broken.

"Where ever you want." He hated the sound that had rippled through
that single syllable, and it took all of Zathris' will power not to
just throw his hands up and say forget it. "To the sea, even, if
that's what you want."

"The sea." She whispered the words. She had never been, but had always
dreamed of it. If she had to leave her heart at Amber Hills, she could
at least go to the place of her dreams. "Yes, the sea sounds good."

"My brother, Z'lred, lives at Dolphin Cove. You could stay there until
you decide what you want to do." It was the best he could offer, a
place she had always wanted to visit. Zathris wished he could offer
her much, much more.

The Weyr. Barenziah had never been to a Weyr, or the ocean. Dolphin
Cove seemed to hold promise, much more promise than what laid in wait
for her at Amber Hills. If she was removed from her position as
Lady-in-Waiting people would wonder, tongues would wag, and her
reputation would be ruined regardless. She looked back up to Zathris,
as if to memorize every handsome feature about him, "Dolphin Cove. I
will go there."

Last updated on the October 3rd 2014

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

"The Dream Ends"