The Wife Always Knows

Writers: Suzee
Date Posted: 25th August 2014

Characters: Benani
Description: Benani knows something has changed.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 8, day 20 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Zathris
Note: Occurs at the same time as "A Bottle of Time"

Benani

Benani had been uneasy for the last couple of weeks since she'd
reacted so poorly to her husband. She couldn't explain it even to
herself. This was a different feeling than the discomfort she'd become
more or less 'used' to after her experiences with Crolarin. Her unease
seemed to come from the unexpected direction of her husband. Her
senses were telling her that somehow Zathris was different. Something
seemed to have changed.

She couldn't put her finger on or even explain to herself how or what
it was that made her feel that way. He was just different. Of course
he reassured her constantly of his affection and she could see the
truth of if in his eyes. He said the same things he always had and treated
her with tenderness and affection but he also seemed... distracted.
Like perhaps his thoughts were elsewhere. That had never happened to
them before.

Zathris had always given her his full attention when they were
together. He worked hard as Lord of the hold and while she'd always
admired his work ethic, when they were together she knew he was hers
alone in that moment. But lately when he'd come to visit her it was
like he wasn't "all" there. There was a piece of him that seemed to be
missing. She sat with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around
them staring into the fire as her thoughts twisted and turned. Soon
she wouldn't be able to sit like this anymore. The babe growing inside
of her would be visible to everyone around her though she figured her
women already knew. They'd put a warming pan in her bed and were ready
to tuck her in but the thoughts just kept whirling around in her mind
like a vortex sucking her in. She couldn't shake the feeling of dread
that welled up inside.

She didn't really want to, but she got up at their urging and climbed
into her bed. Camnae followed her over, but once the ladies started
fussing over her retreated to the hearth and circling several times
then finally settled with her head on her paws as usual.

"I'm going to stay alone tonight ladies," she said and dismissed them
over their protests, but she turned away from them again and listened
as the last of them left and her door quietly shut. She could do it
she thought, if he came to her door she could let him in.

It wasn't long before she slept though her doze was restless and her
mind continued to worry the problem while she was unconscious.

~~~

She awoke with a gasp and sat up straight in bed, her mind still
reeling with an undefined danger. Was he there? But there was no
sound, nor anyone in her room as her gaze flew around in mild panic.
The fire was burning lower so it had to be the wee hours of the
morning, but nothing was out of place. She still slid her eyes slowly
into all the nooks and crannies around her but there was no movement,
no one lurking at all except Camnae, peacefully watching her from the
hearth.

She was different and she knew it. Her experience had changed her. The
mindhealers had shown her that she could never be again the person
she'd been before and the change was understandable. But then why oh
why was she worried about Zathris? She couldn't shake the nagging
feeling that something was off and she wanted to go to him.

She slid off the bed and slipped on her robe before crossing to the
door that led into their public room. It was still locked from her
side. She could see that plainly in the light from the fire. She
reached for the handle resting it there for a moment thinking about
how much she'd have to do to reassure herself that he was alright.
She'd have to go through the common room and then into Zathris'
bedroom. Two doors and a walk of terror between them. She laid her
palms and forehead against the cool surface trying to sum up the inner
fortitude to take that first step. She even lowered her hand to the
lock.

But in the end, she withdrew her hand from the lock. She hadn't been
able to walk through that door since she'd come back from her
captivity and Zathris hadn't come to her rooms except during the day
since she'd reacted so badly to him that one night. Even now the
thought of that night still made her feel ashamed for how she'd
reacted. He wasn't going to hurt her. She knew it down deep and though
Crolarin had shaken that certainty he'd not banished it completely.
When it came down to it, she trusted Zathris.

She turned away from the door and walked back to the chair where her
husband invariably sat and pulled one of the pillows into her arms to
hug. It smelled like him and tears welled up in her eyes. It was her
own fault he wasn't here. It was her own fault she couldn't just turn
into his arms for the comfort she needed. A tear slid down her cheek
and she gulped down the feeling of dread that still tried to turn her
stomach inside out with it's churning. "No," she whispered and
sprinkled some of the powered herbs she'd gotten into a glass of wine
and took a sip. That would make her feel better she knew.

Camnae trotted over and nosed her hand with a faint whine and Benani
mindlessly stroked the canine's head. "It's nothing," she whispered to
Camnae who always agreed with her. "Just my imagination. Right?"

Last updated on the September 17th 2014

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The Wife Always Knows