"Sunlight in the Darkness"

Writers: AL, Heather
Date Posted: 10th August 2014

Characters: Barenziah, Zathris
Description: Zathris tries to escape his problems, but finds himself in a situation he has never been in before.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 8, day 17 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Benani

"A bird may love a fish, signore, but where will they live?" ~ Ever After (1998)

Barenziah

Zathris

The last thing Zathris had said was that he was going to take care of
some things. Alone. Somewhere outside the hold. Possibly visit some
of the local cotholders, check in with them. It had all been an
excuse, of course. The last thing Zathris felt like doing was
visiting cotholders. The thing was, if he had simply told someone
that he wanted to be alone, they would never let him. Someone would
find some sort of excuse to come and bother him. As it was, Zathris
had to fend off guards that wanted to follow, hovering ztols that
refused to let him be. He'd managed to ditch them, though not without
some effort, and he was certain to follow a circuitous route in case
anyone decided they wanted to nose in on what the Lord Holder was
doing. As soon as he had ascertained he would not be followed,
Zathris changed direction and tread a path he'd come to know well.

The grove seemed to be the only place of true solace for him in recent
days. It was serene, quiet, a place that had no bad memories. If
anything, the memories he'd made there were good. He could retreat to
that quiet and delve into it. That was what he most needed. Benani
was no better. He had thought they had made progress, but he was
wrong, and despite knowing what she'd gone through, he couldn't push
back the pain and hurt it had caused. So he retreated, just for a few
hours. He needed some time away. He needed to be somewhere without
the torturous feelings that seemed to constantly plagued him at the
hold.

When they arrived, Zathris fairly jumped from his runner and had to
restrain himself from pounding against one of the trunks. If he could
surround the plant with his hands, rend it from the ground and then
toss to the side, he would have. A low growl emitted from deep within
his throat as he pressed his forehead against the uneven bark.

Barenziah had carried a plate of food to her brother in the guard's
watch and was on her way back when she saw Zathris slinking off. If
she had come along a moment later she would never have seen him.
Intrigued she had followed him only a bit until she saw him take off
in the direction of a place that was dear to her heart. The grove. It
was their private place where they had worked on sparring and training
until... Well, until things had gone a little too far. For a moment
she hesitated, unsure if she should follow him or not. She pulled the
hood of her fur-lined cloak up saddled her brother's runner and headed
the back way to the grove.

The unknown path took her a bit longer, but she did not want anyone
linking their disappearance together. She spotted his runner as she
crested the trees that surrounded the meadow.

"Zathris?" She called his name as she watched him with the tree.
Perhaps others would have left him alone with his anger, but Barenziah
was not like the others.

"Shaffit." He'd thought he'd been so sure no one was following him.
He didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to be near anyone. Surely
no one wanted to be around here. "Go away Berry."

Barenziah slipped from her runner and began walking toward him slowly.
She thought the use of her nickname was a good sign. "We don't have to
talk," she offered, "but you don't have to be alone either."

"You don't want to be around me right now." His voice was low, rough,
an edge that crept through what was normally a smooth tenor.
"Just...go away."

Over the past month that she had been working with Zathris she had
come to know the Lord Holder very well, but she had never seen him
like_this_ before. For a moment she considered turning around and
leaving, but she couldn't. They had always been there for each other
during this Benani situation. She wouldn't leave him now.

"No."

Zathris whirled around and advanced upon her, then came to a stop, his
form inches from his, face hovering so close his breath was warm
against her skin. "Go. Away."

Barenziah's face paled a bit as her blue eyes looked up into his. Her
chin rose in defiance, "No."

His hands grabbed her, fingers dug into her flesh as his teeth ground
against one another. His mouth opened to emit another growl and words
formed at the back of his throat. The touch of her beneath his hold,
even just at her arms kindled that searing frustration that had only
been mounting since Benani's return and his inability to touch her.
Now he was there, a woman with him, a woman he respected, he liked,
found attractive. The words never formed. Instead his mouth lowered,
covering hers as his arms tugged her closer and pulled her body against
his own.

At first she stiffened against him in surprise but after a moment her
body melded against his, her lips becoming pliant. Sparks of desire
blossomed in the pit of her stomach working their way through her body
and leaving behind a delicious tingling.

It had been far too long since he'd had a woman to touch, to hold, to
feel beneath him. Zathris' hands released her arms only to slide
around her, crushing him against her as his mouth continued to meld
with hers, urging her to open up to him and delving deep with
unbridled desire.

Barenziah's lips parted to the man, her fingers twisting into the
front of his tunic. She had never been kissed like this before, with
such passion and abandon. If she were to be truthful, Zathris was all
she would have ever looked for in a husband.

As her hands played with his ties, his played with her own, the rope
that confined her, held her bodice tight. He growled into her mouth
as his fingers fumbled with the knot, then breathed into her when it
finally released. Without breaking the kiss, he tugged the leather
off one shoulder, then the other before forcing it down her arms and
letting it drop to the ground.

Not wanting to think about repercussions, she followed Zathris's lead,
tugging his now open shirt out of his pants, the tails fluttering in
the wind as she ran her hands over his bare torso. He felt like
hardened steel beneath his skin, and her fingers moved to memorize
every inch of him.

The cold snapped him to attention and Zathris growled as he pulled
away. "No." His voice was sharp as he gathered his cloak and tunic
which she'd relieved him of. Without another word, he turned his back
on her and retreated to the little shack.

The solitary word was as effective as a slap to the face and she
flinched as he turned and walked away. She watched him for a moment,
her lips red from his kisses, her fiery hair streaming out in the
wind. Tears sprang to her eyes as she reached down and snatched up her
cloak and bodice and then ran after him, "I am sorry, Zathris!"

He whirled back on her as she entered and the door slammed shut behind
her. He hadn't replaced his tunic, though at least the cot was a
little warmer than the outdoors. In his eyes a fire burned. Not
anger. Not fear. Something else. "Sorry for what, Berry? For
trying to keep me smiling? For being a friend? For shining some
light in all this darkness? For your intelligence?" He took a step
forward as he spoke. "Your sense of humour? For the way you hold
yourself oh so proper but then when I get you alone, letting me see
the real you? For being the kind of woman I can..." He froze then,
that fire staring at her in the dimness of the cot.

Barenziah searched his eyes in the darkness. She hadn't expected his
reaction at all. He had always been nothing but a gentleman when they
were together, except for that one kiss when they were sparring.

"The kind of woman you could what?" She whispered softly.

She stood there, her shocking hair mussed, her bodice dangling from
her hands, her clothes rumpled a little from his eagerness. Didn't
she realise how beautiful she was? Not just physically, but in many
other ways. She'd felt so warm, so inviting when he'd kissed her,
touched her. Though the light was dim, he could see her almost as
clearly as day and the sight of her warded off the chill against his
skin.

"Shaffit." He spat out the word as he closed the short distance
between them to gather her into his arms and capture her mouth for
another kiss.

Barenziah's bodice tumbled from her fingers as she reached up and
buried her fingers in his hair, her body arching against his. She had
no idea if he would stop and tell her no again but she found her will
too weak to break away from him.

As she responded, he merely tightened his hold, then lifted to carry
her over to the pile of furs that had been left for whenever her
brother visited the cot. He didn't want to think about that, though.
All he wanted to think about was the taste of her, the smell of her,
the way she felt beneath his hands. The thought of running his
fingers over her bare skin spurred him on. He set her back on her
feet, fingers working feverishly at the ties of her tunic, the
practically tearing it from her body.

Barenziah had never been fully exposed to a man before but she found
herself comfortable with Zathris and when he had the laces loose she
grabbed the hem and pulled it over her head. Tossing the article of
clothing aside she reached around to her lower back and unhooked the
two buttons there that kept her skirt in place. When the material fell
to that floor she stepped out of her boots and the pool of cotton,
approaching Zathris in only the thin white shift she wore under her
clothes.

He didn't want to think. If he stopped to think then he would have to
stop touching her and that was the last thing he wanted to do in that
moment. His hands slid over the front of her, fingers exploring her
breasts beneath the fabric before rising up to fall down and guide her
hands to his trousers. He broke the kiss only to move his mouth over
her jaw so he could nibble lightly at her neck.

Barenziah's breath caught as he touched her, her eyes fluttering
closed for a moment before he guided her hands to his pants. Her
fingers made quick work of his belt and then she unbuttoned his
trousers and pushed them down over his hips. She had never done this
before and waited for him to show her what to do.

As Zathris stepped from the last bit of his clothing and kicked it to
the side, his hands made quick work of Barenziah's shift and lingerie.
As fabric glided over smooth skin, his lips followed, leaving a trail
of kisses. He dropped to his knees, pressing his lips against the
gentle curve of her abdomen while his fingers wove patterns up and
down her legs.

Barenziah's fingers found their way to his lengthy hair again, her own
hair a curtain of fiery red cascading down over her shoulders and
back. The feelings he was stirring inside her were foreign but
delicious.

He placed a gentle kiss upon her navel, then turned his head to gaze
up at her. "Do you want me to stop?" The whisper of his breath
caressed her skin as he spoke. He gave her a chance, an out. If she
didn't want it, it was the time to stop, before he couldn't stop.

"Don't stop, please." She whispered, looking down and meeting his
gaze. For better or worse this was something she wanted more than
anything.

He tugged her down into the furs, her warmth combined with his to ward
off the chill that was so intent upon them. His mouth covered hers
once more as his hands roamed, his desire quickening and spurring each
and every kiss, each and every touch to delve into her completely,
utterly.

~*~

Barenziah felt as if she were floating on a cloud as she lay snuggled
against Zathris's warmth. It felt so good to have all of that sexual
frustration and tension gone that had been building since the day they
had met. It had been everything and more than she imagined it would
be, and she was sure that it was partly because she loved Zathris. She
hadn't admitted it out loud to even herself yet but she knew the
feelings she had for her Lord Holder went deeper than just physical.

Some time after it was all over, he'd risen just long enough to get a
fire started in the fire place, then settled back down in the furs to
warm himself once more against her sensual heat. Zathris desperately
tried not to think too deeply about what they had just done. Despite
the guilt he was certain would assault him as soon as he did allow
himself to dwell on it, he'd not felt so at ease since Benani had
disappeared. He'd needed a release and Barenziah, who'd been there to
support Benani, and to support him, had offered herself willingly.
Had she been a random woman from the hold, he'd not have fallen into
temptation so easily. But Barenziah wasn't just some random woman.
She'd been a friend. A confidant. Now she was a lover. For a little
while, he had a sensation of peace peace that had eluded him for
months. His hold upon her tightened. He didn't want to give that up.
Not just yet.

She pressed more firmly against his side, her head pillowed on his
shoulder. Barenziah was afraid that speaking would break the spell.
For just a little while they were not a lady-in-waiting and the Lord
Holder of Amber Hills. Just for a moment they were simply Barenziah
and Zathris, and as long as they were there, they could be whatever
they wanted with no regrets. The real world awaited them just outside
the grove of trees that surrounded their hidden meadow. As soon as
they left it would come crashing back down upon them and they would be
thrust back into their molds. He would go back to a skittish wife who
couldn't stand for him to touch her, and Barenziah would go back to no
one, alone.

Her motion spurred him to kiss her, the gesture slower, more gentle
than the frenzied desperation that had occurred earlier. This time,
he could go slower. This time, he could let it linger, hold them in
that stasis, that place of safety and serenity, that place where none
of Pern's problems could interfere. For a few moments, they were free
to simply be, to simply enjoy the pleasures of life, the pleasures of
each other. Later, he would let the guilt invade. Later he would
berate himself for what he'd done and how he had betrayed Benani. For
the moment, he would simply be. For the moment, that was enough.

Last updated on the August 12th 2014

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"Sunlight in the Darkness"