Coping With Loss

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 12th March 2014

Characters: Riveenata, Enthir
Description: Riven talks to a mindhealer.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 6, day 18 of Turn 7

It had taken Riveenata almost a sevenday to work up to coming here.
For four nights she'd had nothing but nightmares, and facing the
prospect of needing a sleeping draught, she'd finally had to admit
that she wasn't able to hold up on her own any longer. She had quietly
made an appointment for after her next shift.

It was odd to be standing in front of the mindhealer's door as a patient, she thought as she tapped lightly, waiting for admission.

Enthir paused only for a moment to glance at his appointment log
before walking to the door and swinging it open, "Good evening
Riveenata, come in, please." He opened the door wider and gestured for
the woman to enter his office. Enthir had a rather comfortable set up,
hoping to put his patients' at ease so that they would open up more
freely.

She smiled weakly as she came in and took a seat. It was nice and
soft, and she appreciated it. "Evening," she said meekly, looking down
at her hands. "I've been having some trouble sleeping, and I wanted to
talk about it."

Taking a seat across from Riveenata, Enthir nodded slowly, "Dreams?"
He asked, studying her face and body language.

Shells, this was hard. She wanted to run out the room. But her
training told her that she couldn't handle this alone, and being
honest was the best way to have help. "I keep seeing S'vai. Sometimes
alive, sometimes as he was when he...passed." Even though it had been sevendays.

"And why do you think you keep seeing him?" Enthir thoughtfully
stroked at his goatee.

"Because I was the healer who was stitching him back up after he got
scored." Which made it her fault.

Enthir could see the guilt that Riveenata felt etched across her face,
"And what if someone else had been stitching him up?"

Would she still blame herself, or would she still be seeing him? "I
think I might have still seen him for a bit...we were in Candidate
classes together, for four whole Turns. We were really close before he
Impressed."

"But would you be feeling guilt if another of the healers had been the
one stitching him up?" He crossed one leg over the other.

She couldn't really answer that with a yes. "I guess no guilt. But loss..."

Enthir studied Riveenata, the job of a counselor was to mostly let
people unravel their own problems and create their own solutions,
"Have you lost anyone before?"

"Like friends?" She gave a half-sided shrug. "Hasn't everyone at a Weyr?"

"So then what makes this so different if you have lost people before?"
Enthir was an incredibly patient man, and it showed in the kind
expression of his eyes, half-hidden by the spectacles that he wore.

"I don't really know. I've been feeling bad all month, and this..."
She sighed. "Losing S'vai feels like my fault, and it makes me think
I'm not good at what I do, and what good am I to the weyr then?"

Enthir pushed his spectacles up on top of his head, "I think you
should listen to what you told me earlier. Everyone loses someone at
the Weyr, yes? S'vai would have died had you been there, or not, at
least you were there to try, yes? You might not have saved him but you
didn't make the situation any worse." He seemed to think on his next
words for a moment, "If you were not a healer, what would you do?"

She listened quietly as he began to speak, biting into her lip so hard
she knew there'd be marks. She couldn't deny the truth of his words -
the injuries had been fatal. She would have lost her friend anyway.

The last question hit home with the way her thoughts had been tracking
lately. "I don't know. I always wanted to be useful and needed," she
admitted. "I wanted to be a dragonrider, but I never Impressed, and
now I'm too old. I think maybe...something else with my hands."

"Perhaps you should consider taking a few days leave from the
healercraft. If after that period of time you still feel as though you
can't do it, then you can start exploring more options. If you miss
it, then you will know that it's what you truly want to be doing. Even
the best Master Healer loses a patient, Riveenata. The only difference
between them and you is that they have learned to cope with loss."

It sounded like a good idea, especially the part where it would give
her time to realize if she was temporarily shell-shocked, or if she'd
been broken somehow. Sometimes people just burned out - she'd seen
others who needed to care for themselves. So why was she fighting that
she needed it? So she swallowed, and she nodded. "If you could help me
arrange that..."

Enthir gave a kind smile, "Of course, fortunately, that is something I
can do. It's what I am here for."

"Thank you very much." He was a kind man.

"Any time, Riveenata."

Last updated on the March 15th 2014

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Coping With Loss