Believe

Writers: Len, Miriah
Date Posted: 12th January 2014

Characters: Paetri, G'wen
Description: G'wen encourages Paetri into believing something importan
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 4, day 13 of Turn 7

G'wen spotted a familiar braid in the Dinning Halls and an even more
familiar certain blue flit. Nudging Neath's mind a bit, he found her
fast asleep. Good, he could tease Paetri without her moaning in his
head whilst he did it.

"Hey Paetri! 'Ello Marli." He placed his tray of food besides the
weyrling and offered Marli a tibbit of meat.

Marli perked up immediately and quickly snatched the tidbit of food
from G'wen before plopping his bottom down on the table to take
delicate bites. Paetri looked up and her smile brightened. "G'wen!
It's been a while. How are you?" She glanced at her little blue and
sighed. "It's rude to snatch, Marli. Be nice."

"Oh, don't you worry, we're old pals, aren't we Marli?" G'wen laughed
and tossed more meat to the tiny creature. "Y'know, Marli, Neath is
curled up with Ellispeth right now, taking a nap, in case you wish to
join them." He couldn't hide the mischievous grin. Neath would so kill
him had she heard that.

Marli perked up immediately, shoved the tidbit in his mouth and
disappeared in a burst of chilling air. Paetri sighed and shook her
head, trying to maintain her giggles. "That was just so wrong, G'wen.
Neath is going to have words with you, you know."

"Oh, she likes it, really." Neath was always complaining about
something, so it didn't faze him in the least. "Speaking of greens,
how's your little girl?" Since he had transfered he didn't get to see
the weyrlings much.

"Marli's besotted. Camilth is just a hatchling to him, but Neath..."
Paetri giggled. "I now understand Harper tales about unrequited love."
Her eyes twinkled merrily. "Camilth is fine. More than I ever
expected, really." She tilted her head. "How about you? Anything new?
Since you've left, we've not had a chance to really talk."

"I know, I miss you guys!" G'wen mock pouted. "It's a lot more intense
in the queen's wing, but hopefully we'll be fighting thread soon." He
had been ferreting firestone sacks to the riders back when he was an
assistant in the weyrling's wing, so the idea of fighting thread
didn't scare him, not anymore.

She watched him and worry shone on her face. The queen's wing wasn't
as dangerous, she knew, but still, he was her friend. "It's scary up
there, isn't it?"

"No, no." Reaching out, he gave her a little hug. "It's what we're
born to do, fight thread. I'm just happy that Neath and I finally get
to do more than ferry firestone sacks and actually get to do the
fighting ourselves."

She returned the hug and then paused, shifting her weight from hip to
hip. "G'wen, can I ask you something?"

"Anything! Well...anything within reason. If you ask me about my sex
life I may have to tell you no." He snorted and mock punched her arm.

Her face flushed at the insinuation and she floundered before giving
an abashed intake of breath. "Uhm...no, actually. But..uhm..you ride a
green and uhm..so do I, and uhm..." Her next words were rushed. "Are
mating flights scary?"

He gave her a serious look. "The worry of them is much more
frightening than the reality. To be honest the first one was great but
the others...one was K'ale and it nearly ended our friendship, one was
some bronze idiot that all but ran screaming when he saw who he had
won." G'wen gave an unhappy sigh at that memory. It hadn't been a good
flight at all. He had been sore for days after. "I guess it all
depends."

She shifted uncomfortably. "But...it's different for girls, isn't it?"

He saw the fear in her eyes. "Yes, don't worry, it's different for
girls." It wasn't but he didn't want to be the one to frighten her and
make it worse.

She cleared her throat and frowned. He was a greenrider, so he could
understand, surely. "Can I...can I just stay out of the flightrooms,
G'wen? I mean, just stay in my weyr when she rises?" She blushed.
"I've never...you know...and...I don't think I want to."

"Paetri! You_cant_do that!" G'wen gave her a big hug. "Go get yourself
some experience, okay? Tonight even, go drink a big glass of wine and
just do it. Are you a virgin?"

"But why not?" Paetri flushed and accepted the hug, but glanced
around. "I can't. Camilth is still too young and...I like J'kri a lot,
but I just.." Her mother had told her enough about activities in the
bedchambers to know it wasn't something she really wanted. At his
question, her jaw dropped. "Well, of course I am! I'm a good girl,
G'wen. I've only ever kissed and just once at that. And..and.. I can't
just...hop into a bed. It's wrong." She pushed her hand through her
hair, mussing her braid. How could she explain?

"It's_not_wrong. It's life. Paetri, you're not in a Hold anymore, what
you get up is no one's business, unless you're neglecting your dragon,
and if you don't lose that hymen_before_Camilth's Flight then
you_are_abusing her."

She paled and looked away, hugging herself tightly. She suddenly
wanted to cry; she didn't want to neglect or abuse Camilth, but to
know that she'd have to go through what her mother explained...she
shuddered. It was an aspect of riding that she hadn't really thought
of until after she had Impressed. "And after I do that...I can stay in
my weyr? I don't have to do it any more?"

"You mean no one told you about the naked run through the Dinning Hall first?"

Going still, Paetri's eyes narrowed and she swung to look at him.
"That's not funny." She stomped her foot in frustration. "You just
don't understand. You're a man. You don't have to...go through it like
we do."

"Oh? Y'know we've got a smaller hole to thread, so to say." He tried
to keep a serious face by the corners of his mouth twitched with the
effort not to laugh. Paetri was Catrien times ten!

Her jaw dropped. That was...She blinked and then scowled at the other
greenrider. "I don't know why I tried to ask you. Sex has always been
for men, not women. It isn't a joke, G'wen." She took a deep breath.
"Never mind. I'll deal with it." She rubbed at her suddenly stinging
eyes. "Just forget it. I'll talk to you later." She pulled away and
rose, gathering up her tray.

He jumped up after her. "Wait a moment!" Gently he stopped her by
holding her elbow. "Tell you what, how about you talk to Catrien? She
was in the same boat as you a while back, with the same attitude about
sex. _And_she's a girl. Want me to ask her to come around and see
you?"

Shaking her head and refusing to look at him, spoke softly. "I don't
know Catrien well enough to talk to her about personal things like
that. Look, it's okay, really. I said I'd deal with it and I will.
I'll...figure out something. Don't worry about it."

"Paetri? So...if you think this way and it's the way of the Holders,
does that mean you think I'm a freak that should only be fit for
Thread fodder?" He dropped his hand from her elbow.

Startled, she stopped and turned to stare at him. "What? No. Never
that." She shook her head firmly. "I've never ever thought that." She
put her tray down. "And it's not the Hold, G'wen." Her voice lowered.
"When my mother was preparing me to meet suitors, she explained things
to me, G'wen. How it is for women and how awful it is for women and
how we have to endure it. I never thought that...you know I didn't
think I would Impress. I didn't think I would have to...endure it."

"Sorry but your mother is a fool. It is_not_terrible for woman, it's
nice. Do you really think all the women here are just a bunch of self
hating masochists who do whatever men want? How do you explain all the
women who love going off with the losers of the Flights?"

Her first immediate instinct was to defend her mother and prepared to
do so before her jaw clicked shut. She didn't have the answer to his
question; she hadn't thought of that at all. "I..I don't know. But,
why would she tell me that, then? She wouldn't lie to me about
something that important, G'wen."

"Cos she's a Holder. When have a one of them ever said anything
positive towards women or even towards most people who live in the
Weyr? Has anything she told you come to pass, here?"

"She didn't talk much about the weyr, except that they were very free
here. Which, is true. People are and I've accepted that. But she was
right about me being too skinny and she was right about me having
to..to...share a bed with multiple men. I just didn't think that part
would happen because I didn't think I'd Impress. I thought I'd end up
doing a craft." Her brow furrowed. "G'wen, no one wanted me at home.
They weren't ever interested. Look at me." She gestured to herself.
Though she had gained weight and muscle, and her curves were now
delicately feminine and rounded, she still thought of herself as far
too thin and bony. "I'm not a prize. But now, I've got to...get in bed
with whoever. And it's going to be horrible. And it's going to hurt.
Even my own sister, who is married and has a child, agreed with my
mother. It doesn't feel good, G'wen. Maybe it's just my family. I
don't know. " She shook her head and looked away, her expression stark
and grim. "I guess its just something else I have to accept."

She took a deep breath. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'll
see you later G'wen."

"Oh no, you don't get off that easily." Though he was small, he was
still stronger than Paetri. He all but frog marched her out of the
Dinning Hall and into a smaller chamber that was set up as a clothing
storage room. In the corner was a full length mirror he remembered
from his time as a drudge. It was to the mirror that he stood her.
"Cover your eyes for a moment, please." Before she could protest, he
stepped behind her and quickly unbound her long, thick hair."Okay,
before you look, just bend down and give your hair a shake and then
sweep it up." That would give her a rather sexy look, he thought.
"Okay miss, please look at yourself. And I don't mean give your image
a glance and then say 'but I'm ugly.' No, really look at yourself.
Look at how bloody beautiful you are, Paetri!"

"Hey!" She tried to tug her hand out of G'wen's grip, but failing to
do that, she could do nothing but follow. Confronted with the full
length mirror, she tried to turn away, but G'wen was
uncharacteristically firm and she did as he asked. Paetri's brow knit
as she felt the tug on her hair as it was undone. "Why are you...G'wen
it takes forever to brush out my hair..." She exhaled, wrinkled her
nose and keeping her eyes closed in defeat, bent to shake her hair and
flipped it back, purposefully smacking him with the thick strands.

She opened her eyes, looking first at him and then at the mirror. She
stopped and stared at the girl in the mirror. So used to seeing
herself with her hair severely braided and pulled back, she was
unprepared for the way her loose hair softened her features and
cascaded over her shoulders and arms in a curtain of thick waves. She
had never thought of her self as ugly, just plain, but now she
looked...pretty.

"Well?? What d'you think?" G'wen's smile was threatening to split his face, it was so large.

She sucked in her lower lip and just stared at her reflection and then his face over her shoulder in the mirror. "I don't know what to think. I didn't think my hair would make such a difference."

"You_are_beautiful, you know." He gave her a little hug. "Just, please, don't panic or close yourself up just because that's how you think you should act. And don't be afraid, like Catrien and I were when it was our turn. Trust me, I was as terrified as you and I got through the first Flight just fine. If I can, then so can you." He gave her another little hug.
She returned the hug slowly, but tightly. She hoped he was right.

Last updated on the February 1st 2014

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