Around In Circles (3 of 4)

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 20th September 2013

Characters: T'nom, Meledei
Description: Meledei and T'nom try to work things out.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 21 of Turn 7

T'nom

"I can do that Meledei. I_can_ be patient as long as we communicate
and you learn what it means to really trust me. It's not going to be
easy. Especially with my relationship with Pierka. You're going to
have to trust me there, let_me_ decide what's best for her and I. You
may not have to share my sexually with her Meledei, but I am afraid
you_are_ going to have to share me with her. I_hate_ being cut out
of her life and the life of the child of mine she's carrying. I want
to have a relationship with her and the babe. That means emotionally,
at least, part of me will always be with you, and part of me will
always be with her. I need to be able to spend time with her, if
she'll let me. I feel an intense loss at the thought that I've been
cut out of all of what's happening with our child right now. Can you
accept that? It's not going to be easy for either of us. I_can_ and
do care about you deeply, Meledei, but I will always care about
Pierka, too. It may not be exactly the same, but she is a part of me
now. I can't ignore that." He knew he might be pushing her too far,
but it was something that he'd been feeling for weeks now. He_needed_
to have the freedom to work out things with Pierka the way he saw fit,
without fear that Meledei would take badly to him spending more time
with her.

"I understand if it's too much for you." He left those words there
between them, giving her an out if she chose it.

Meledei's brow furrowed. Somehow, somewhere, communication had gotten
messed up. "But T'nom, I never asked you to distance yourself
completely from Pierka. I mean, yeah, sexually and I expect the same
of myself with anyone else, but of_course_ you should be a part of
her life. And I would_hope_ you'd want to be a part of the baby's
life. That's your baby. I never said that I didn't want you to spend
time with Pierka. Shards, I even went to her in the hopes that she
might open up_more_ to you and maybe let you go with her to healer
appointments or something! I never said you had to cut yourself out
of her or the baby's life!"

He frowned a bit at her words, but inwardly he heaved a sigh of
relief. "I must have misunderstood everything. _All_ of this, a
relationship, a baby, everything is so new for me that it feels like
things have been whirling around me and I haven't had a chance to hold
onto anything to steady myself." He knew that they would have more
things to work through in the future, but he felt better about things
now that they'd talked.

"Is there anything you wanted to add or say? I feel like I sort of
took over most of this conversation." He waited to see if she wanted
to add anything more.

Meledei honestly didn't know where he got the idea that she was trying
to limit all of his relationships. She had thought she'd been clear, but
obviously somewhere messages had been crossed. "I just...it seemed when
we argued it was because of sex." She stated after a moment. "Not about
this."

And that was something they needed to work on to. They had to come to
some sort of understanding about something that intimate, especially
with the way she felt. She knew she was different from most of the
Weyr, but she also knew it was the way she was and it wasn't something
that was going to change. "So I'm a little confused, I guess."

"Okay," he replied slowly, not sure he was following everything. "I'm
feeling a little confused as well." He was trying to put all the
pieces together, but he wasn't sure he understood what she meant. "Can
you help me here? Tell me what you're confused about, because I'm
honestly not sure, and I think assuming things has been a big part of
our problem so far."

His response confused her even more and the furrow in Meledei's brow
deepened. "T'nom...when we were in the cavern, you got upset at me
because I wasn't ready to be physically intimate." Which was another
reason why the sudden mention of Pierka had confused her. The issue
hadn't been her at all, but on physical intimacy. Meledei wasn't
ready, but T'nom hadn't seemed to understand. So how did the topic
change from physical intimacy to Pierka?

"Oh!" He replied, finally understanding what she was trying to get at.
"I realize what we were arguing about yesterday, trust me. That's not
going to be easy for me, but I can work through that. Anyway, I
mentioned Pierka because we talking about trust. It might just be the
way _I'm_ feeling about things with her. I've been worried for weeks
now that if I spend too much time with her, you will read into it the
wrong way. I know _you've_ never said anything about that, but it's a
fear _I_ have, and well..." he sighed, and shrugged, "I just don't
want to feel like I can't be with both of you when I need to."

"I just don't get it. Why did we argue about stuff yesterday if that's
not what was bothering you? And why didn't you ask me about Pierka
sooner? I would have told you right then and there I didn't expect you
not to be friends." Meledei shook her head. "I said I thought you
should be involved in the baby's life before. I even said I thought it
was great you wanted to remain friends with Pierka and that I didn't
expect you _not_ to have friends of other genders. I don't understand
why this became a problem, but I want to understand why so it doesn't
become a problem in the future."

He frowned and pulled back from her at her words.

"Yesterday's stuff _is_ bothering me, Meledei," he growled, "but what
can I do about it? You're not ready to have a sexual relationship with
me yet, and I _am_ frustrated by that. This is the _longest_ I've gone
without having sex with anyone since shortly after I finished
weyrlinghood. I'm _trying_ to withstand the desires and temptations,
and it's _hard_ for me. If you want to talk about that, then let's
talk about it more. All this other stuff is bothering me too. I
thought we were being open with each other to try and air out what was
on our minds. Apparently I can't seem to do anything right," he blew
out a frustrated breath and made a grunting sound in the back of his
throat.

"That's not helping." Meledei bristled but managed to remain calm. Why
was he getting mad at her again? She was confused and frustrated to say
the least. "You want us to be open and try to air out what was on our
minds. That's what I'm trying to do and you're getting angry at me about
it."

He blew out another frustrated breath. "I _am_ trying to be open, but
then you're questioning why I opened up to tell you what was on my
mind and heart. It feels like I'm laying things out there, but that's
not enough. I don't what more you me to say Meledei," he was
frustrated and angry at himself, at her and the whole situation. They
were simply not understanding each other again. He didn't know what
more he could do besides telling her everything he already had. He had
been open and honest, and she'd acted like his words had no place in
the conversation. That had made him want to retreat back into his
shell, pull his heart back inside once more.

Last updated on the November 1st 2013

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Around In Circles (3 of 4)