Tears No Respite Know

Writers: AL
Date Posted: 19th August 2013

Characters: Meledei
Description: Meledei cries it out.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 20 of Turn 7
Notes: NOTE: Follows "Don't Get Too Worked Up"
Mentioned: Pierka, T'nom, Z'ku,

Meledei had run all the way back to the quarters that she stayed in
while Elleth was on the sands. She'd immediately flung herself down on
her couch and began to bawl. Great, heaving sobs shook her body and
tears poured down her cheeks. Anger, hurt, and frustration whirled
within her and she didn't know what to do about it. Talking hadn't done
any good and he'd just seemed to think she was an idiot for feeling the
way she felt.

That merely made her cry harder. From the sands were Elleth jealously
guarded her clutch, the goldrider could hear her croon. Meledei wanted
to go out, but she was afraid someone might come to the cavern and hear
and see her.

She needed to stop. It was getting hard to breathe and it wasn't doing
her any good, but Meledei's mind and her heart warred at each other for
dominance. Eventually, though, it was her stamina that finally brought
the tears to a halt. She was tired and the sobbing was only making it
worse. The gulps and gasps got further and further between and
eventually the water that poured down her face slowed to a trickle, then
stopped all together.

Though her face was red, Meledei finally emerged from the quarters to go
to her lifemate. She climbed up on top, away from the sands that would
eventually burn if she stayed long enough and on to the safety of her
dragon's hide. It was still overly warm, but at least it wasn't as bad.
Meledei stretched out on her dragon and heaved a heavy sigh.

It hadn't gone well, not at all. Meledei couldn't understand T'nom.
She thought holders were brought up to avoid sex before marriage, but
what he had told her was even worse. Not like like that for the girls
indeed. And what about the girls they _did_ have sex with?

And what about her? What about her feelings? She could understand his
frustration, she felt it herself, but after F'gol she was more cautious
than before. She wanted someone who was willing to wait for her,
willing to be with her and no one else. She wanted someone who was
willing to hold off until she was ready - but at the moment, that didn't
seem like it was T'nom.

**There had been someone.** Tears stung Meledei's eyes once again and
she closed them in an effort to fight them off.

Z'ku had waited, hadn't he? Well, she didn't know that for sure, but he
had said something to her before about wanting to be with her. So why
hadn't she gone to him? She'd never thought of him like that. Meledei
liked him, considered him a good friend but...but...

But what? Why _couldn't_ she have chosen him? After all, he'd waited
for her, and she had to admit, it could have been a possibility. Would
she have been in the same situation had she chosen Z'ku?

The thought that hit her made her sob a little again. That was the
whole point, wasn't it? She wanted T'nom to choose to be with her, to
choose to be faithful, to choose to be _only_ with her. She wanted
T'nom to make that choice and say she was worth it. And that's what it
all boiled down to. If it was just luck or chance or whatever, it
wouldn't hurt so much, but the fact that T'nom could possibly choose to
be with someone else and not save himself for her. She wanted T'nom to
choose her and only her. She wanted someone to think she was worth
making that choice.

And she hadn't chosen Z'ku.

She understood what he meant now.

Meledei gave herself a moment to regain her composure. It was all a
choice. A choice she made. A choice T'nom had made. Had she made the
wrong one? She didn't know. Meledei didn't like the idea of giving up,
especially since it was so soon. And she didn't like the idea of
leaving things the way they were. She hated letting the sun go down on
her anger.

It was good timing that Elleth spoke to her about Taldeth. The
goldrider paused, then asked her lifemate to assure the dragon that she
would talk to T'nom, just...not now. It was too soon. While they
wouldn't work things out that day, she would at least commit to working
things out before the day was over. That was important.

Of course, that left plenty of time for speculation. What was T'nom
thinking? Did he want to call it off? Did he think she was worth
waiting for? Was she? Maybe she wasn't.

Meledei dug her face against the spiced scent of her dragon's hide.
Maybe she wasn't worth it. Did he think that? Did he wanted to look
elsewhere? Because she wouldn't 'put out'? She couldn't. She just
couldn't.

A sniff escaped, but Meledei managed not to burst back into tears. She
knew one thing, she owed Z'ku an apology. But would he listen to her?
She had a feeling if she went to him, he'd probably walk away. He might
not let her speak. Maybe it was best if she wrote him a note.

Another sniff came as Meledei trudged back to the quarters. A piece of
parchment and quill were always around for messages to be sent and she
sat down at the small desk. For a few moments, Meledei stared at the
paper. She thought of all sorts of things she could say - long
explanations and a bounty of words to try and get him to understand.
Except, that wouldn't be a real apology. Eventually, she wrote very
little.

Z'ku,

You were right.

I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry.

Meledei

She waited for the ink to dry. Elleth had known her rider's intentions
and managed to cajole a brown firelizard to come and have it delivered.
That done, Meledei put the quill away and returned to her previous
position on Elleth's back.

Would he forgive her? She hoped so. She had some how managed to lose a
lot of friends lately. R'enh. Z'ku. Was T'nom going to join those
ranks? Her nosed itched and Meledei wiped at it. What was he thinking?
Was he going to tell her it was over? Was he going to go to Pierka?
Pierka didn't mind sharing. He could have it all if he was with her.

Water returned and Meledei did her best to stop. It didn't help. Was
she going to lose him too? The tears returned and Meledei curled up on
the back of her dragon and let them loose.

Last updated on the September 6th 2013

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Tears No Respite Know