A Special Birthday PT 3

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 9th August 2013

Characters: Kaya, Wirnan
Description: Kaya gives Wirnan a gift.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 2, day 19 of Turn 7
Notes: Pt 3 of 3

Wirnan

Kaya shook her head. "No. I had every intention of opening it. I
just...I just...I don't know. I just felt like I couldn't right
then." She traced the outline of the locket with her finger.
"Ristlin sent me his locket when he was away and told me he was on his
way home...but he never made it. He was killed by pirates." Her gaze
lifted from the necklace to the man. "You two...so different, and yet
in so many ways you are like him. And this...it just...I guess it
opened my eyes. I'm sorry, Wirnan. I truly am. I've been an idiot
and a fool and I don't know how I could ever make it up to you."

He looked at her, heard her words. They were like a healing salve on
some of his wounds, but still there was more healing to do.

"Thank you for that. I needed to hear that." He paused again, tilting
his head slightly as he looked at her, "There's been alot of hurt
between us, Kaya. I'm not sure how to mend it. I had hoped for so long
that things would be okay between us, yet day after day, it seemed as
though nothing changed. And now, well, now it's harder to accept that
change than I expected it would be. I _want_ to, but it's not going to
happen in an instant." He reached a hand up, but it didn't go all the
way to reach her, before he lowered it again. "How do we proceed from
here? How do we reconcile the hurts and the hopes?"

"I don't know." Kaya's hand curled around the locket an she shook her
head. "I don't know. I'm trying...I really am. I know I'm a mess.
I'm broken, I'm tumbled down, I'm a wreck, but I'm trying...and...I
want you to be happy. I want to give you back the smile I took from
you. I understand you don't trust me, I don't have any right to
expect it, but I hope that some day...I hope that some day you'll
forgive me."

He sighed and this time did reach a hand up to touch her cheek. "I
already forgive you. I'm not one to hold a grudge, but my heart, my
heart is different. I spent so long imagining a life with a wife and a
family, and then thinking I would have that with you. Then it felt
like it was ripped from my hands. Nothing I did changed things. You
wanted nothing to do with me," he dropped his hand. "Why didn't you
want this to work before?" He motioned between them. He knew he kept
asking, but he still didn't understand why she'd kept her distance for
so long. He needed her to spell it out clearly for him.

Kaya hesitated, then reached out to place her hand against his chest.
"I broke your heart." It was as much a statement as it was a
question.

He drew in a breath when she touched him. Clearly she understood her
actions had hurt him. Her words seemed to hit home in a way even he
hadn't allowed himself to think. She was right. It was as though his
heart was broken. "Yes," he murmured quietly, watching her.

"So was mine." Her fingers curled a little to clutch at his shirt
briefly before she released it. Kaya's hand moved back to the locket
to hold on to it instead. "Obviously the way it was done was
completely different...but after Ristin's death, all I could feel was
despair and hopelessness. I had wanted something with him so much and
it was taken away from me. I was angry and wanted to know why, why
him? Why me? My heart hurt. Literally, physically hurt with every
beat it took. I wanted to die, but was too much of a coward to take
my own life. And in the hole that was left, resentment, pain, and
anger took its place." Her throat began to tighten, but Kaya fought
back tears as best she could. "Part of me died with him. And I
didn't think I could ever love anyone again. My father wanted me to
marry and when I resisted, he beat me. I just wanted to escape, to be
free, to leave it all, but I was trapped."

He knew most of her story, so what she shared didn't surprise him. The
_way_ she shared it did, but he didn't dwell on that overly much at
the moment.

"I know all that Kaya, and I understand. I just wish you hadn't
trapped us both into this marriage when it wasn't something you
wanted," he frowned, feeling that ever present sadness that life
wasn't ever going to turn out the way he had hoped.

"I know. I'm sorry." How many times more would she say it? A
thousand? A million? Kaya didn't know, but she would keep on saying
it. "I want it now, though, even if you don't, and I will keep
working to take care of you like I should have from the beginning."

Her words gave him pause. He titled his head and looked at her. She
had definitely made an effort this day.

"Perhaps what we need is to start again. It won't be easy, with the
hurts of the past upon us both. But if we can find a way to put some
of them behind us, and try again, as if things were just beginning,
perhaps?" He paused, his voice rising in a question, "perhaps we can
find a way to move forward together?"

It as an offer and a very generous one. Kaya smiled a little and
nodded. "I would like that. Very much." She just hoped that she
could make things up to him. She hurt still, her past was still a
part of her, but the locket, it had been a symbol and a catalyst, the
turning point that helped her to see. "Thank you."

He gave her a slight smile, though it was still tinged with sadness.
He didn't know how things would go, but he knew he couldn't continue
living in the dark place he'd found himself recently. If this small
step could lead to better things, he was willing to try once again.
Though the thought of trying again only to find that nothing may
change left him feeling sad and uncertain. He didn't know if he could
survive another change of heart like this. Only time would tell it
seemed.

Last updated on the September 3rd 2013

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A Special Birthday PT 3